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International Soca Mystery: Live Wire investigates a carnival conundrum

Question: If 20 people sang, wined and jumped up on a stage and nobody got a trophy, did it really happen?

Answer: … Hello? Hello, Mr Munro…?

Photo: Leh we wot?! Steups. Pastor, I trying to find out who win the damn Soca Monarch! (Courtesy LexoTV)
Photo: Leh we wot?! Steups. Pastor, I trying to find out who win the damn Soca Monarch!
(Courtesy LexoTV)

It is the day after yesterday. But it still isn’t tomorrow. And surely it can’t be today either.

The calendar says it is Saturday February 6. But how can that be since the International Soca Monarch was scheduled for Friday February 5 and yet, supposedly a day later, nobody quite knows what transpired?

The ISM (which should arguably now be International Soca Mystery) is headed by chairman Peter Scoon these days—its founder, William Munro, now operates as an advisor—and decided to beam its televised feed roughly 24 hours after the event. But, in what might be later hailed as a masterstroke, Scoon opted to delay the results until after that broadcast, which is this evening on CNC3.

And so a competition that nobody seemed to much care about anymore suddenly offered the biggest sense of mystery since Ras Nijinsky.

Peter Minshall, with an astoundingly simple presentation, made a swan die on stage in the Kings of Carnival show. Scoon seemingly brought a dying competition back to life by not allowing anyone but patrons to see it.

Photo: Somebody ask the swan who won the Soca Monarch! (Courtesy Maria Nunes/Wired868)
Photo: Somebody ask the swan who won the Soca Monarch!
(Courtesy Maria Nunes/Wired868)

In a time of recession, less—it seems—is more than ever.

Mr Live Wire cannot confirm that Prime Minister Dr Keith Rowley heard about the triumph for minimalism and immediately downsized his National Security Ministry.

Of course, the true test would be tonight’s viewership figures for the Soca Monarch, which, as former sport presenter Roger Sant used to say, is now a delayed live broadcast.

By this time tomorrow, we should know today’s winner of yesterday’s show.

#thesocasuspenseiskillingme

It is the day the earth stood still and the social media was tamed by a Trinidad and Tobago businessman. Or simply a frustrating wait for the dozens of girlfriends, baby mamas and groupies who have been crossing fingers and toes since Friday night but still don’t know if they are in the money.

Photo: We win baby? We win?!
Photo: We win baby? We win?!

For the patrons who paid to watch the Soca Monarch but left without seeing anyone crowned, it might feel like getting to the office first in the morning and realising that you have to wait in the street for the lazy fellah with the keys to reach.

Mr Live Wire suggests that Trinidad and Tobago spends the day after yesterday and before tomorrow pondering the mysteries of life:

If the Finance Minister isn’t tall enough to get his own bumper car, then how can he drive the economy?

How come there are more photographs of pigs flying than Marlene McDonald’s lovemuffin, Michael Carew?

If, as Anika Gumbs claimed, the Prime Minister is a keen bodyguard, then why is the murder rate so high?

Photo: Let Live Wire come and ask me that nonsense himself... (Courtesy Jyoti Communication)
Photo: Let Live Wire come and ask me that nonsense himself…
(Courtesy Jyoti Communication)

And, most of all, who is the 2016 International Soca Monarch?

 

Editor’s Note: And the 2016 International Soca Monarch is Aaron “Voice” St Louis while second place is Akeem “Preedy” Chance and third is a tie between Dexter “Blaxx” Stewart and Patrice Roberts.

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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50 comments

  1. A DEFINITE change of results this year

  2. Betting on Voice. But they get a crowd that looking rel stush. People moved for Teddyson John from what I’ve seen so far.

  3. it should hv been boycotted…real bullshit..

  4. Have you ever seen a major fight happen and they announce the winner the next day? Yea…in major developed countries there’s pay per view, qualified judges and the winner announced at the end of the show.

  5. Does anyone really care who won???

  6. I’m not sure. Allyuh don’t disturb my live delayed show please.

  7. Does it matter at this point?

  8. So far, the ISM looks like polished nonsense.
    The stage looks great, the big screen is nice, everyone is well attired… Pity about the lack of talent so far…
    But, hey, you can’t have everything!

  9. Mizzkeisha Belmont Crew it showing on CNC3 now

  10. This is normal in developed countries. The competitors compete on one day and the results are delivered on another day. It even happens with series like Project Runway where it’s pre-recorded and the winner is not made public until the last show is viewed. Its called change and we will soon get accustomed to it., especially if its makes economic sense.

  11. I know Lasana, such a business strategy would never work in the real world, but in Sniddler’s Gulch ……….

  12. Think about it Vernal… If they had made fans wait three days to find out who won Mayweather v Mannie and charged people to watch over the fight in the meantime!
    Munro and Scoon can export this plan! Lol.

  13. The organizers might have actually hit upon something, albeit inadvertently.
    I wonder if they wrote down the recipe?

  14. The ISM has everyone scratching their head and asking people what going on… Brilliant or crazy?

  15. You get to watch the show live and come and watch it live again Vernal. Lol. Sorcery!

  16. Man some if my friends texted to ask me the same thing, who win?

  17. You think the Emmy or Grammy results would not be revealed by attendees if their broadcasts are delayed?

  18. The land of the brave this is certainly not.
    This irrational fear of revealing who is the ISM winner mirrors Trinidadians’ fear of admitting that they recognized the two pull gentleman in room #201 as their Minister of Sport!

  19. Ah hear dey blaming ‘Rowley,’ when ah ask why? Dey say, we use to blame ‘Kamla’ fuh everything! LOL

  20. Ah luv it Lasana!!! 🙂 and SO AGREE with this!

  21. Think it’s safe to say a new Monarch will be crowned

  22. I still trying to find that out GO FIGURE…

  23. I am never disappointed by ur articles!!! Omg!

  24. Hahaha. Tickets for tonight’s “live delayed” show Arlene?

  25. Eh Lasna how many tickets yuh waw is just $40 ah piece ha ha

  26. They pull ah Steve Harvey or Wah. I hear Jah Cure win……. Lmao