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Chinese takeaway: Asian jefe jets off with Caribbean’s sovereignty

Not so long ago, Trinidad and Tobago celebrated its 50th anniversary as an independent nation. Presumably, taxpayers have finished paying soca star Machel Montano for his commemorative CD by now.

It is easy to wonder what all that Independence Day fuss was about, though, as China president Xi Jinping turned up and had Caribbean leaders fawning at his feet. And the Chinese delegates did not exactly turn on the charm.

Local media was barred from a function yesterday because, according to CNC3 Deputy News Head Sampson Nanton, Xi’s entourage did not want “third world journalists” around.

Photo: Third World reggae band? Maybe. Third World Cup? I've got the DVD. Third world journalists? Definitely not!
Photo: Third World reggae band? Maybe. Third World Cop? I’ve got the DVD.
Third world journalists? Definitely not!

What did Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar, the supposed “Mother of the Nation”, think about the derogatory remark? Would she drag the offensive Chinese official out by his ear and demand an apology?

Not even close. Persad-Bissessar told reporters that it was China’s function and Xi was free to blank whoever he liked.

The Prime Minister continued (Mr Live Wire paraphrases): And did I tell you he is giving me US$3 billion? I mean “us.”

Children, don’t interrupt mama when she is getting paid. After all, US$3 billion can pay for a lot of self-worth counselling sessions for CNC3 reporters.

Photo: Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar can buy Sampson Nanton a lot of tissues with US$3 billion.
Photo: Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar can buy Sampson Nanton a lot of tissues with US$3 billion.

Xi and the gang did not waste diplomacy on Caribbean islands who were playing hard to get either. Nations like Barbados and Antigua and Barbuda, who apparently recognised the sovereignty of China’s annexed neighbour and rival Taiwan, were not invited to the China Premier’s visit.

Jamaica Prime Minister Portia Simpson-Miller was as excited to be in Xi’s presence as a fat child in a chocolate factory.

“We supported ‘One China’ before it was even fashionable,” Simpson-Miller told CNC3.

Live Wire was unreliably informed that the Jamaican Prime Minister’s boast immediately sparked a furore as regional leaders argued about who bought more Chinese toys or drew larger crowds for Jet Li movies.

Presumably, no one asked why China was so interested in doing business in the Caribbean if the “third world” so displeased them. And, considering Xi’s ruthless approach about which Caribbean Prime Ministers can have a glass of wine in his company, what strings would be attached to his billion dollar “gift?”

But then the People’s Partnership, like many past Trinidad and Tobago governments, is not especially meticulous when it comes to vetting financiers.

Mr Live Wire could not confirm whether ex-National Security Minister Jack Warner fainted on learning that he missed a meeting with a global leader whose wallet could flatten former Qatari football administrator, Mohamed Bin Hammam.

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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10 comments

  1. Something tells me that my children would be paying for this transaction. Maybe that something is a large sign on the Chinese President’s face that reads “YOUR CHILDREN ARE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS TRANSACTION”

  2. LOL @ the ending, Great satire.

  3. “Persad-Bissessar told reporters that it was China’s function and Xi was free to blank whoever he liked” I can’t believe the PM actually said that……..but then again I can. Sigh

  4. So the Chinese giving us $3 Billion US Dollars, I wonder what we have to do for that? Nothing is for free. (EDITED)

  5. Lasana, the same treatment and worse was meted out to journalists during the Summit of the Americas meeting here in Trinidad in 2009. Stephen Harper was the worse snub experience ever! Even the Bolivian President did not take questions from “third world” journalists as they called them.

    Then again that is understood, as even in this very industry journalists snub their own. So who are the Chinese and Harper to snub us when we’re doing it to each other?

    Speaking of snub, what do fat journalists, corrupt politicians and snubbing have in common again? 🙂

  6. I usually read your articles and find them sometimes informative, sometimes entertaining, sometimes just plain sensationalising. However, I feel compelled this time to voice my opinion on your likening Ms Simpson-Miller’s excitement to that of a ‘fat child in a chocolate factory’. I find this comment (or quote, who knows?) to be vulgar, derogatory and unnecessary – to children. Maybe next time you can compare it to that of a fat journalist in a chocolate factory?