Trinidadians, Lord Maestro once sang, ent really know what they want. It is a truism that never fails to repeat itself.
For instance, Trinbagonians complained for years about the slow response time of lawmen to serious crime. And yuh know when police showed up in Morvant before three men were gunned down and stage-managed the whole ting deyself…
Well, let’s just say you can’t get to a murder earlier than that. Can you?
Anyhow, UNC political leader Kamla Persad-Bissessar has been getting it in her neck ever since she suggested that sunlight will kill Covid. Presumably then, Trinidad and Tobago’s eight deaths occurred in the dead of winter.
At that moment, Covid-19 became a key factor in the 2020 General Elections—replacing the PNM’s spirited rallying cry of: ‘dem wuss than we’!
I mean Dr Keithos came in promising to chase out corruption, yet is Marlene on a charge while Tantee Kamla, Uncle Jack and Anil ‘It Wasn’t Me’ Roberts don’t seem to have as much as a speeding ticket before the local courts. (Warner’s date with the US Department of Justice notwithstanding.)
Yuh trying to tell me that a government with the likes of Glenn Ramadharsingh, Wade Mark and Brent Sancho too sophisticated for the Financial Crime Unit? Cheups. Vicki Boodram must be vex she opened a travel agency—if she had put on a yellow jersey instead, all now she waving from the back of a music truck!
But let’s return to Tantee Kamla and the novel coronavirus. As the recent spike of infections showed that the sun-gazing UNC had lagged behind much of the planet in its response to the highly infectious virus, the former prime minister tried to catch up with some gusto via a seven point ‘Strategic Covid Preparedness & Response Plan’.
She saved the best for last.
Article 7: ‘Creating a Dome around T&T—This measure will be implemented to protect our country from all illegal outsiders and activity. We will have this partly operational within 1 month and fully operation in 6 months’.
Presumably the fine print read: ‘… and we will make the virus pay for it’!
So, Keithos boasting about fighting Covid with ‘science’, eh? Well take science fiction in yuh fe-fi-fo valve!
Mr Live Wire had so many questions.
Had the UNC switched consultants from Cambridge Analytica to Steven Spielberg? Did Tantee know Soca Drome was just a figure of speech? Has Trinidad and Tobago become an episode of The Simpsons?
Sadly, at the first sign of ridicule, Kamla appeared to have thrown in the towel—and the twin island republic lost the chance to become a Netflix series.
Article 7 now reads: ‘Create a virtual safety net around T&T’. The UNC promised to ‘make this fully operational as a priority’.
A dome can be operational in six months but a ‘virtual safety net’ doesn’t have a completion date? Does Tantee know what ‘virtual’ means?
Other sub-headings in UNC’s ‘Covid-19 Response Plan’ include: ‘maintain closed borders’, ‘establish a repatriation programme’, ‘provide medical support’… In other words: ‘we ent doing so bad, if it ent broke why fix it?’
Turns out that having your minister of health sing back-up for Chief Medical Officer Dr Roshan Parasram is about as good as it gets for the foreseeable future—and it took Kamla five months to figure that out.
With one week to go before the elections, the UNC is running out of time to cure sunstroke. Virtually.