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Live Wire

A satirical spin on Trinidad and Tobago news stories

Cadiz and Verna showcase flexible morals

Trade Minister Stephen Cadiz and Social Development and Gender Affairs Minister Verna St Rose-Greaves reiterated their opposition to the death penalty yesterday before explaining that they could still support the hanging bill—thereby confirming that politicians prefer not to take their own brains or morals to Parliament.

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AG, Rowley continue name calling

The Opposition Leader called the AG “impertinent”; the AG described the Opposition Leader as classless, ignorant and arrogant. An unnamed Maraval school principal threatened both men with a toilet flush.

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Sat Punishes Principal… With Kindness

Sat Maharaj yesterday won a High Court ruling that forces Tunapuna Hindu School principal Sita Gajadharsingh-Nanga to leave the school at 3.30 pm daily. The principal reportedly insisted she was only smiling on the outside. Honest.

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Teacher waterboards 8-year-old

A female primary school teacher was quizzed by St Clair police yesterday after flushing an eight-year-old boy’s head in a toilet bowl. The teacher is rumoured to have described her action as an enhanced interrogation technique.

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Fuad touched by Manning gesture

Health Minister Dr Fuad Khan said that ex-PM Patrick Manning is improving since suffering a mild stroke and even gave him a “thumbs up” after a hospital visit yesterday. Wired868 could not confirm whether Khan was wearing his glasses and if he is sure about which finger Manning used.

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Politically correct murders

Opposition Leader Keith Rowley believes that political indecisiveness by the People’s Partnership is behind a rise in murders. Gangsters confirmed that the lapse in the Hanging Bill was decisive in their devilish actions and justified the long hours they spend watching the Parliament channel.

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Anil splashes the cash

Yes, Sport Minister Anil Roberts offered to put wealthy local cricketers Dwayne Bravo and Kieron Pollard on his Elite Athlete Funding Program. No, he still disagrees with the NAAA’s assertion that he treats State funds like his own bank account.

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Nizam’s right to be reckless

Sacked PSC chairman Nizam Mohammed is suing the State after being dismissed for inflammatory statements around racial lines. Mohammed believes that parliamentary privilege is like “time” during a game of catch at recess.

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Who needs MSJ?

PM Kamla Persad-Bissessar said that change at the MSJ party would not affect the flavor of the People’s Partnership. Wired868 cannot confirm that she then asked her aide: “MSJ is what they put in Chinese food, right?”

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Gov’t sparks sack race

Sacked SAUTT Brigadier Peter Joseph apparently joined dismissed SWRHA ex-CEO Paula Chester-Cumberbatch in collecting massive cheques for wrongful dismissal by the State. The only thing better than keeping your government job, seems to be losing it.

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Political Labour pains

Labour supposedly moved closer to becoming a full-fledged political party yesterday when Errol McLeod stepped aside to allow David Abdullah to become Movement for Social Justice (MSJ) leader. They hope to be seen as a viable political alternative once they can keep Watson Duke out of the room.

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Warriors fail to Finnish

The “Soca Warriors” led twice but did not finish well as they fell 3-2 to Finland at the Hasely Crawford Stadium yesterday. Still, the spirited play augured well for the future; not so, the lack of a set schedule for the year, though.

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