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Live Wire

A satirical spin on Trinidad and Tobago news stories

Jack misses PM’s hang-out

Works Minister and UNC chairman Jack Warner and COP leader Prakash Ramadhar were not invited to Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar’s weekend meeting that was supposedly called to prepare for the PNM’s no confidence motion. Presumably, Warner’s new prop of a hangman’s noose was considered a killjoy. The ex-FIFA VP allegedly …

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Leid us not into folly

Former CLICO Corporate Secretary Geoffrey Leid set a new standard for positive thinking by denying that the bankrupt insurance company has failed its shareholders. He conceded that CLICO did have “liquidity woes.” Wired868 cannot confirm that Leid also revealed that the Titanic was not a nautical disaster but is just …

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Primary Schools make mas

Heads of the national Primary School Principals Association and PTA renewed calls for teachers and students to get the entire Carnival week off with an appropriately shortened July/August holiday to match. The teaching service is bracing for an upsurge in applicants at its training college—as well as more standard five …

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The enemy of my enemy is my prisoner

Prisons’ Officers Association President Rajkumar Ramroop sacked his General Secretary Burton Hill for “colluding with the enemy”; by which he meant the Public Service Commission. Wired868 understands that prisoners are urging both sides to put their differences aside for the sake of a harmonious living environment.

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Critical experience overrated

The ERHA board is reportedly furious over Health Minister Dr Fuad Khan’s reinstatement of the allegedly 20-something-year-old Stacy Harricharan as CEO although the post supposedly demands 10 years’ experience as a senior manager. Fortunately for Harricharan, who presumably bought aspirin for her school nurse as a teenager, she did not …

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Female Magistrate jails addict for cheesy crotch

Magistrate Alicia Chankar gave thief and drug addict, Curtis Bailey, a three month prison sentence for stuffing cheese into his pants crotch with the hope of selling it later. Presumably, Bailey’s girlfriend would not have been pleased with him either. Wired868 accepts that blue cheese is an acquired taste.

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All the Queen’s men

Edwin Glasgow QC is the latest in a line of Queen’s Counsels who have found employment on local shores; he will lead investigations into the cause of the collapse of the HCU. At this rate, Wired868 expects government enquiries to soon overtake Carnival as the top draw for wealthy European …

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BBM armed and dangerous

Wild BBM rumours failed to sink calypso legend, David Rudder, but it left the Ash Wednesday cooldown severely wounded as patrons shied away from Maracas after reading alerts of a fictitious shooting spree at the popular beach. In the Middle East, Blackberry Messenger was credited for helping topple two dictators; …

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Machel feted, Duane head ‘hotting’

Machel Montano is ready to be named “Ambassador Fete” as the soca star wants the title of official cultural ambassador to be added to his $2.5 million Soca and Groovy Monarch cash prizes and his Road March crown in an all-conquering 2012 Carnival season. In other news, it is alleged …

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Rudder survives death by rumour… For now

Calypso icon David Rudder survived another attempted murder by gossip this Carnival after he was forced to quell rumours of his death for the third successive festive season. Rudder told the media to please dismiss any such talk of his demise next Carnival Tuesday; unless he really is dead. Either …

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Jamaica PM declares on zero

Jamaica PM Portia Simpson-Miller demanded an immediate resolution to the impasse between star batsman Chris Gayle and the WICB. And, if that wasn’t enough, the PM promised to “follow up” once necessary. Ahmm, thanks. WICB blasted the PM for overstepping her mark. Wired868 believes she ran out of hot air …

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Suffer The Children… Then Take Them Home

Port of Spain police celebrated “very few” reports of lost children in the capital during 2012 Carnival celebrations after taking the radical step of asking parents to properly watch their children at public events. Police sources raved about the Police Commissioner’s successful 21st Century Policing Initiative; naysayers credited common sense.

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