Home / Live Wire / Satirically speaking: Super-Gary-gets-appointed-Live-Wire-gets-nauseous…

Satirically speaking: Super-Gary-gets-appointed-Live-Wire-gets-nauseous…

Someone somewhere at sometime once said: “That’s so crazy it just might work…”

The phrase caught on. But the person who uttered it and the ill-judged venture he or she had in mind? God alone knows.

Maybe there’s a clue there.

Photo: Wait… Wha?!
(Copyright Shuttershock)

Regardless, the Dr Keith Rowley-led government sought to repopularise the phrase today, as all 19 PNM MPs voted for Gary Griffith as the new Commissioner of Police—or cockroach exterminator in chief, if you buy the rhetoric. The Opposition party, who Griffith served during the People’s Partnership era as national security advisor and national security minister, abstained.

Perhaps there’s a clue there too. Or maybe just reflex.

If the Parliament was going over a cliff and Keithos voted to abandon the vessel, Tanty Kamla would probably vote to buckle up.

Admittedly, that’s a silly analogy. If Trinidad and Tobago really was sailing over the deep end, the PNM and UNC would probably just elect to swap places.

But Mr Live Wire is rambling. After rejecting acting Commissioner of Police Stephen Williams, acting Deputy Commissioners of Police Harold Phillip and Deodat Dulalchan, the House of Representatives decided that one-time army captain and all-time salesman, Griffith, was the two island republic’s best answer to the crime scourge.

Presumably, if we cannot catch the criminals, we can try talking them to death.

Photo: Trinidad and Tobago’s next Commissioner of Police, Gary Griffith.

Rowley was hardly alone in thinking that garrulous Gary is just the man for the job. Judging from responses on social media, the People’s Partnership’s former national security bigwig is exactly what the country needs.

And why not; it worked so well the last time.

Among the People’s Partnership’s initiatives under Griffith were: a State of Emergency called on thinner ground than George W Bush’s search for weapons of mass destruction; a request for 12,500 body bags and armoured SUVs to “take the fight to hot spots”, in response to low detection rates; and a colour-coded national security chart—from white or zero as “no danger” to red or four as “national alert”—which was about as useful as a winter jacket on Maracas Bay.

Imagine Mr Live Wire was chupid enough to think that Trinidad and Tobago’s national security level only needed two options: bad; or worse.

With Griffith, you get a man who is not afraid to think outside of the box. As National Security Minister, he once declared that criminals were getting State contracts and he would put a stop to it.

“I don’t even have to investigate, I know for a fact that is so,” said Griffith, in a clear hint that his detective prowess would fit right in at the TTPS. “And they would be using these same contracts to get profits and use that same profit to acquire more guns to attack the same police who we’re asking to protect and serve.”

Photo: Mr Live Wire was unreliably informed that, just to be safe, Cedric Burke (centre) made sure to keep his hand firmly on his OWN wallet!

To which Mr Live Wire had two questions: If you know they are criminals; instead of taking away their contracts, would it not be better to charge them with said criminal activity? And if there is no criminal activity to charge them with, how do you know they are criminals?

It was enough to make one dizzy. But that’s because ‘Griffy’ shakes things up. He is a man of action; once Jack Warner okays it, of course.

Three years ago, Warner released an audio tape which suggested that Griffith was complicit in the cover-up of marijuana found on the premises of then Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar.

Indeed, Griffith had taken instruction from Warner on the matter—that would be the same Warner on the Interpol’s most wanted list. Presumably, the two men decided to sell it to Anil Roberts.

None of which in anyway detracts from Griffith’s promise to be tough on crime, of course. Everyone knows that real criminals don’t hold diplomatic passports or pad firetruck invoices; and that marijuana is only dangerous in the hands of people who do not have attorneys on their Google Friends list.

Photo: Former Trinidad and Tobago Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar (right) and then Minister of Works and Transport Jack Warner at the Trinidad and Tobago 2010 Women’s Under-17 World Cup.
(Courtesy FIFA.com)

It is difficult to not see the police warming to Griffith too. He is a man who walks the talk and leads from in front.

In early 2014, during a spike in violent crime, ‘Griffy’ suspended all servicemen from participating in sport; while, as National Security Minister, he continued to play for QPCC in veteran hockey competition. Presumably to keep his troops’ morale high, you see.

Not that the aforementioned lawless streak—405 murders in 2013 and 16 in the first six days of 2014—ever made ‘Griff’ doubt his control of the situation.

“Of the 405 murders, 197 of the killings were gang-related while 47 were drug-related,” Griffith told the Trinidad Express. “I know people might be upset with what I am saying but don’t get upset with me; don’t shoot the messenger—what I am saying is a fact. These are computerised statistics that are facts…

“If you are not involved in criminal activities, you are a law-abiding citizen of this country, there has been a reduction in persons like that who have been kidnapped, robbed, raped, vehicles stolen and murdered.”

You might ask how could Griffith, with no convictions for any of the 405 murders, possibly prove they were gang or drug related—even if he did write that down on a computer.

And why was he not more concerned when, according to his own figures at the time, 40 percent of murder victims were apparently not involved in criminal activity.

Photo: Former National Security Minister Gary Griffith.

But then trying to subdue Griffith with logic is like attempting to parallel park with your feet—by which Mr Live Wire means, it is supremely awkward and probably not worth the effort in the end.

Keithos, presumably, took one look at Gary’s wonderful record of service and knew exactly what to do: give the man a badge and an army of lawmen and set him loose. What could go wrong?

Mr Live Wire trawled through social media for feedback to Griffith’s impending appointment as Commissioner of Police and got four main responses:

  1. His name is not Stephen Williams;
  2. He is not a policeman;
  3. Things could not get any worse;
  4. I thought Colm Imbert was already named CoP…

It goes without saying that those who went for “number three” are not seasoned supporters of either the West Indies Cricket Team or the Soca Warriors.

As for Mr Live Wire? Put him down for “Team GG.” This is such a ridiculous decision that surely it must be an inspired choice—just like voting for Donald Trump as US president; or asking Destra to use your pelvis as a bouncy castle.

Photo: Look bacchanal…

It’s so crazy, to paraphrase an unnamed 21st century’s genius, it just might work.

Of course the reason we don’t know the originator of that quote is probably because their hair-brained scheme flopped.

So our politicians are either really, really clever; or…

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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34 comments

  1. For the inquiring curious and the basis of this platform translating news for people who can handle the truth, it’s due process, or should I say process due? Synonyms – words or phrases that means exactly the same.
    “Money is no problem” or ” money is not the problem”, what different does it mean, simply the same thing.
    Most time its the receiver and its thought process. And times if process practical excellent results to catalyze with compliment and effective reinforcement emerge.
    There were so many catalyze to compliment and give positive reinforcement than the simple “misquote”. Jobs creation and skills that so many youths see far fetch as careers, crime the major content of the paragraph, and moreover the building of schools to educate the uneducated. Oh, may I intrude the phrase refers and coined by Dr. Eric William.
    The misconception of the phase by the receiver didn’t implied that the nation intent to build on and not maintain. It simply meant at the time by the user is if there is an idea or plan government can fund it. So far fetch to think such a quote can be use as an insult and the need for government to take care of the nation woes. By the way, the bonus is yours knowing that you shed light on simply smugs. More to come

  2. Lets face the facts, crime is real all over the globe. But, when practical normal people think about the rate crime has change the country of Trinidad its absurd. I’ve always thought that third world country’s would always be a place of relaxation peace and refuge, for those who had migrated and returning to their native island after years of studying laboring or just simply staycationing. “Just my little utopia”. Incidentally I was totally wrong. What went wrong; what do we want as a nation; and how could it be achieve?
    When the term “money is no problem” was coined Trinidad had been turned into an industrialize country. Government had owned and monopolize every major enterprises in the country. Schools were build to educate the uneducated and jobs were catered for those completed schooling and those of skills. And, of course funds of subsidize began to flow like oil. The more hands begin to get greasy from the touch of oil all things began to slip through and corruption took its course. Privation of government enterprises and other foreign behind the back investment took its toll and minor crime lead to major crimes to this day.
    In as much crime continued, many never knew what they really want as a people? Many administrators never set goals for the country infrastructure and fulfill completion because one will start on a project and another will change the course of plan. Government projects after distribution of subsidize left idle and uncomplete. Even during change of administration projects consistently changes and tax monies disappear. These are white collar crimes that need to be address from the above.
    Administration and opposition in spite of indifferent on solving crime or dealing with legislative need to compromise on matters more so for the citizens. Because crime or any national issue is not always a judiciary legislative or executive problem, its all a social problem. We all got to part take in solving crime. More to come.

    • “Money is no problem” is really a misquote (well, if you are going to ascribe it to Dr. Eric Williams). At the opening of MTS in 1979 Dr. Williams lamented that as a nation we do not maintain the buildings that we own. Hence, the commissioning of a national agency to do this. He said then “Money is NOT the problem” but we that must care for the things we built from the sudden Oil wealth.

      The deliberate perpetuation of the misquote “money is no problem” only shows that we prefer not to do the hard work of nation building (and its maintenance) but to continue to think that our “National Patrimony” will take care of us. And that also applies to those who use the misquote to castigate others. In other words, it is a cop-out, with the bonus of feeling smug that you have figured out the reason for all our woes!

  3. The past and present Governments opps, such a strong word to imply or define governances in our global society today has either been weak, failed, or collapsed. Providing that you have lived through the era of my biological and the nation foundering father Dr. Eric Williams could you understand the real meaning of government. There is no other than our founding father Dr. Williams has ever analyzed and execute the real meaning of Government, Country first, and protection for private and public safety. All others have either administered weakly like the present position Trinidad place in now, failed like the unrest neighboring Venezuela, and the collapsed Serbia.
    The point that I’m straying to is the weak approach that past and present administrations have displayed in drafting a blue print to eliminate the unease stress and fear that crime hold the country bound. And,when all else serve premature with full wages and failed, we have “all bye-gone be bye-gone” willing to step up for country sake and public private safety. Gary Griffith is will to do what many tried acting and receiving full pay for, full pay and a permanent position. He is the right man for the job.
    When you speak about country and public safety Gary has showed passion and drive. We are on the brink of failed because all has shown weakness. Gary has the will and drive give him the badge and let him do the job before the country failed. Too much crime and none being solve. When last your borough president or constituent leader declare any crime victims held or solved? They all to busy with bickering towards each other while the real problem of the country infrastructure collapsed before our eyes and they rides into the sunset with the country economy in off shore accounts. Governments today need to do the right thing. More to come.

  4. One person can’t fix T&T we brake Laws and every body blames the next, Small thing, every Country got Crime, but in Trini every body can be bought
    The horse bolted years ago now we balling close the gate, he will try but the critic will give him a hard time some of us should put T@T first

  5. I enjoy reading the Satirical write-ups of wired868.com! Thanks for the humorous way of writing while still challenging people to think…

  6. We need to shake up this place and he needs to be given a chance. Country First. Too much BS otherwise.

  7. Minister of Nat Security and his underlings develop policies and the TTPS implement. GG had no power to charge anybody or give instructions to charge. The populace spend a lot of energy behind the Minister of Nat Security (PNM, UNC, PP) but the real man is the CoP. When crime is out of control he is the first one that should be raked over the coals.

    Classification of murders (drug related or drug related etc) is the job of the police so he would have been reporting on information provided by the police at the time. How can you classify a crime and not make an arrest? Off the record information comes from various sources. In short, the information needed to classify a murder most times is insufficient to charge on or secure a conviction.

  8. As I said before, when the PM sees the name he wants to see, only then will he approve. Every one knows how he will behave if he doesn’t get his way.

  9. I am not satisfied with the choice of Mr Griffith appointment as police commissioner elect , the process was flawed from the start , but he should be allowed to do the job , i think mr Wayne Hyde would have been the better appointee, but congratulations to the new commissioner.

  10. I’m yet to see the TTPS change as a body over a mere CoP appointment.

    Wake me when:
    – rogue officers are actually fired/jailed/fined for their actions
    – the officers who does cuss ppl out on FB any time criticism of the service is made, get the sanctions they deserve
    – officers stop getting transferred penalized for arresting/charging some high profile person
    – officers start treating people like people when they come in stations to make a report (e.g. “not our jurisdiction” bs when there is a clear open door policy for reporting an offense in any station)

  11. Even today’s (31/08/18) Express has a story of Ken “Goutie” Gordon being awarded $250,000 for being held illegally for 35 days during the”Limited SoE.” And Goutie didn’t even have a top of the line lawyer or Senior Counsel. Many others have been awarded much higher numbers paid by the taxpayer @ the expense of mighty mouth; the same mighty mouth who was responsible for the the weed disappearing from the windowsill in Palmiste

  12. WTF does Mighty mouth bring to the table aside from the fast talk? We, the taxpayers, have been paying out large sums of monies to ppl arrested during the “limited SoE” for a couple years now. And all of this is because of this super jackass called Griffith with his super ego. So the same “flawed process” that saw the first three candidates exempted, churned out this half red wannabe a CoP? Why is it that the idiots in parliament have this convoluted view that the best fit persons for these positions come from a rag tag “regiment?” My dawg cud do a better job than this big mouth idiot. But I just might live long enough to remind T&T “I told you so.” If I don’t I would have left it in black and white someplace….

  13. Mary and Joseph went to Jerusalem on trinbagonians if they elect Gary Griffith. Like it pitch they governments playing with local lives..

  14. People mature. Let’s hope. Experience teaches wisdom.

  15. Gary Griffith has been knocking on the doors long as Martin Luther, not the American activist Martin Luther King jr, who in the 60s march for racial integration in the USA, but Martin Luther the German theologist priest, monk, seminal figure in the protestant reformation, who unlike Gary Griffith heed the calling to reject several teachings and practices of the roman catholic church in the 15-1600.
    Griffith all along has shown determination, passion and true patriotism for country, and choose not to accept any acting role with full salary? His permanent position and ’95 thesis”, oh I’m sorry commitments make him the right choice. With the right team of law men approach and tools, he’ll get the crime rate down.
    Gary I wish you all the best and maintain doing a great job in your future approach.

    • True! Man being the type of animal that it is, it’s impossible to please, so it comes as no surprise the author’s attempt to discredit and cast doubts on a person’s ability to serve country by exhuming long rotted skeletons and negative innuendos. Without one day in office, the author see it fit to discredit his abilities, this I assume is considered good journalism. Whereas each is entitled to their own decisions and opinions, I much prefer to give the newly appointed commissioner an opportunity to perform before I condemn. Contrary to Mr Live Wire!

    • Mike Penco so you’re saying that because he hasn’t been in the office long we must forget his history?

    • Maestro said it years ago Trinidadians don’t know what they want, no matter who goes there is the same complaints why don’t we look at ourselves before we comment on none of us are perfect. others

    • No Peter, I’m saying stop looking for unnecessary skeletons, observe before casting aspersions! Hope you understand!

    • Mike so for instance, you’re saying that being accused of helping cover up a crime or promising to take armored tanks into hot spots (depressed areas with poor Afro/Indian ppl) is irrelevant information about a police commissioner?

  16. While I congratulate Gary Griffith on his appointment as CoP.. let’s not forget that one eye man is king in a blind country.. not because you can bump your gum on every media house and say you would have done this or done that differently it’s easy to criticize when you are not in it.. don’t forget this is the same man that was in charge of security of a world cup qualifier and ppl line up outside the stadium and couldn’t get in till halftime.. we pay for what we get..

  17. Yes this is a crazy decision but this government’s term in office has been characterized by “indecision” on so many fronts that maybe it is what is needed to end the period of inertia. For our sake, I wish him the best.