I’m winning! Griffith goes full “Sheen” while murders soar

The National Security Ministry looks set for a fresh round of musical chairs. Mr Live Wire was unreliably informed that Minister Gary Griffith is now under investigation for impersonating a statistician, molesting common sense and reproducing an unauthorised bootleg of Charlie Sheen’s infamous “I am winning” rant.

Griffith was certainly definitely wining a bit too close to the big truck when he tried to explain yesterday why 405 murders in 2013 and 16 murders in the first six days of 2014 was no reason for alarm.

“Of the 405 murders, 197 of the killings were gang-related while 47 were drug-related,” Griffith told the Trinidad Express. “I know people might be upset with what I am saying but don’t get upset with me don’t shoot the messenger what I am saying is a fact. These are computerised statistics that are facts…

“If you are not involved in criminal activities, you are a law-abiding citizen of this country, there has been a reduction in persons like that who have been kidnapped, robbed, raped, vehicles stolen and murdered.”

Photo: You goodfellas think the National Security Minister is funny?
Photo: You goodfellas think the National Security Minister is funny?

Firstly, since there were no convictions for any of the 405 murders committed last year, Griffith cannot possible prove that the deaths were gang or drug related, even if he did write that down on a computer.

Secondly, even if he were correct, that means 40 percent of murder victims were not involved in criminal activity. Even Griffith’s silver lining has a cloud.

And, finally, what is the National Security Ministry’s new crime plan in the midst of this violent chaos? To duck?!

It is hard to top the bizarreness of Griffith’s suggestion that criminals are too busy robbing and raping each other to notice law-abiding citizens; but the National Security Minister gave it a go as he went “full Sheen” and suggested the spike the murders was itself proof that he is winning the war against violent crime.

“I will continue to peg them back because I am not going to negotiate with criminals,” he said. “The night is darkest before the dawn. We have to bleed to heal.”

Photo: Over here, Gary. You belong with me buddy.
Photo: Over here, Gary. You belong with me buddy.

If Griffith is winning, then who is losing?

Certainly not Pastor Terrence Khan, a humble and nurturing soul who was shot dead in front of his home on New Year’s morning, while returning from a church service, because bandits supposedly wanted his son’s gold chain. There will be no dawn for Khan in this place nor Army Lance Corporal Rawle Fletcher.

Perhaps the Prime Minister should ask Griffith to quit while he thinks he is ahead. Trinidad and Tobago probably won’t survive many more of his successes.

Where is Verna St Rose-Greaves with her two week, all-expenses paid St Ann’s vacation packages when you need her?

Griffith’s head exam:

(What the National Security Minister heard and missed from President Anthony Carmona’s inauguration speech)

Photo: National Security Minister Gary Griffith.
Photo: National Security Minister Gary Griffith.

President Anthony Carmona (18 March 2013): “Powers you think I have… I do not. Powers you think I do not have… I do.

“… We cannot and must not trivialise the sanctity of human life by indifferently dismissing the deaths of these young persons as “gang-related”. We adopt the offensive philosophical position that they will eventually all be killed, not recognising that every murder is revenged, and revenge is a race that will never and unless there is genuine intervention.”

Gary Griffith in Trinidad Guardian (5 January 2014): “So to those who see everything half empty, and intend to spend their time in telling me what powers I do not have, I hereby quote my Commander in Chief (President Anthony Carmona) by saying that ‘the powers that you feel that I do not have, I actually do’.”

Gary Griffith in Trinidad Express article headlined “Criminals killing criminals” (7 January 2014): “If you are not involved in criminal activities, then you have no need to fear about crime in this country… Of the 405 murders, 197 of the killings were gang-related while 47 were drug-related…”

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About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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One comment

  1. Yep, our very own Charlie Sheen. Don’t know whether to laugh or cry… Sad thing is while Sheen’s rant is harmless, this fool is in charge of our safety.

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