Whose hand it is boi?
The Trinidad and Tobago Police Service (TTPS) allegedly joined a La Horquetta pyramid scheme—coined the ‘Drugs Sou Sou’—in the wee hours of this morning, in a stunning but not altogether unexpected role reversal.
On Tuesday, a TTPS exercise led by Commissioner of Police Gary Griffith swooped in on a house at Kathleen Warner Drive, Phase I, La Horquetta, after social media videos showed a crowd so large that soca star Machel Montano may have gotten goose pimples.
Police officers found in excess of TT$22 million on the compound; and no sooner had they finished counting the loot that they promptly returned it.
Section 57 (2) of the Proceeds of Crime Act states that: ‘someone convicted of illegally obtaining cash is liable to be fined $500,000 on summary conviction or imprisonment for two years or $3 million and seven years’ imprisonment on conviction on indictment’.
However, Section 6 of the ‘How to Live To See Your Pension Act’ states that: ‘anyone able to wipe dey arse with hundreds in this guava season supposed to be on yuh cell phone’s favourites list, not in a cell’.
Griffith, in a press statement, said he was furious.
“Commissioner of Police, Gary Griffith, has launched a widespread investigation at the highest level to determine who decided to return more than $22 million in cash which was seized from a house at Kathleen Warner Drive, Phase I, La Horquetta, yesterday, 22nd September,” read the release. “[…] Commissioner Griffith said preliminary investigations show that the money was handed back to the operator of the scheme this morning, without his knowledge and those of his deputy commissioners.”
Incidentally, TTPS statements in recent times sound eerily similar to Griffith’s own pronouncements on his various social media platforms. Does the police commissioner now dictate statements to himself as de facto press officer?
And, if so, has Trinidad and Tobago’s indefatigable top cop become the first person to speak about himself to himself—thereby inventing the fourth person?
Mr Live Wire believes that, not for the first time, the honest, hardworking men and women of the TTPS have been paralysed by a lack of clear direction and unambiguous laws.
After all, Section 1 of the ‘How to Live To See Your Pension Act’ states: ‘poor people must not get in to one percent people business under any circumstances’. Otherwise known as ‘the fowl and cockroach principle’.
For the repercussions of violating that unwritten clause, I turn to the prose of eloquent attorney and father-of-the-year nominee Odai Ramischand: ‘F*** YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND BEOREPARED (be prepared) FOR A FIGHTYOUHAVE NEVEREXPERIENCED BEFORE’.
If an attorney is willing to be so cruel to the English language that helped amass a fortune and his daughter a ‘private beach’, imagine what he would do to a nosey policeman.
So the lawmen decided that anyone with enough cash to purchase a private beach, deserves to be respected as such. Didn’t Griffith himself criticise a lack of initiative when he responded to a rebuff from retired Major General Ralph Brown?
Is it that money alone entitles one to treat police with as much respect as mall security? Or is it money and ‘high colour’? Or is it just the right shade? (In other words, can Ph****p Alexander hold a zess and get away?)
Is the TTPS guilty of the most glaring misunderstanding of whether money alone equates to ‘class’ since Marlene took the late Godfather Burkie to her swearing-in ceremony”
No doubt, the police commissioner will have to explains the birds and the bourgeois to his merry men in the not-so-distant future.
In the interim, Mr Live Wire urges members of the public to respect that the lawmen involved in blessing the La Horquetta ‘sou sou’ are innocent until proven unable to hire good legal representation.
But, if they are suspended pending an internal investigation, Live Wire hopes that, rather than cheat taxpayers of their labour, they are simply reassigned to another office in need of such astonishingly prompt service.
Type (a) to have them help test Covid-19 swabs; (b) to employ them at the passport office; (c) to second them to a fast food drive-through establishment—any one of them; (d) let them give Camille Robinson-Regis a hand in passing out Covid-19 grants.