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Fruity politics: Live Wire responds to mango-gate by trying his arm

On 13 April 2015, 63-year-old Trinidad and Tobago businessman Danne Patrick Costelloe joined a select club of adventure seekers who journeyed to the ends of the earth and braved treacherous conditions and sub-zero temperatures to scale the North Pole.

Mr Live Wire cannot confirm that Costelloe intended to stay there until after the 2015 General Election.

Photo: Tobago East MP and Minister of the People and Social Development, Vernella Alleyne-Toppin. Trinidad and Tobago citizens want Toppin to accompany Danne Patrick Costelloe on his next trip.
Photo: Tobago East MP and Minister of the People and Social Development, Vernella Alleyne-Toppin.
Trinidad and Tobago citizens want Toppin to accompany Danne Patrick Costelloe on his next trip.

Yes, we are well into the political “silly season” now, which is a euphemism for that period when politicians try to win you over by throwing insults and accusations at each other. And the People’s Partnership is not the only unpopular coalition government fighting desperately for political survival at the moment.

In Britain, Conservative party chairman Grant Shapps was accused by Wikipedia of editing the pages of ‘Tory’ political rivals and opponents on the online encyclopaedia so as to taint them with embarrassing references and alleged scandals.

Which just goes to show that even the most sleazy, conniving, unethical minds in British politics could not dream up something quite as unsubtle as “Vernella Alleyne-Toppin.”

But it is our neighbour, Venezuela, who took the cake. Ahmm. We mean the mango.

During a visit of Aragua, Venezuela President Nicolás Maduro was chucked on the head by a mango. Thankfully, the assailant was not underfire West Indies cricketer Sunil Narine.

Photo: Venezuela President Nicolás Maduro displays the weapon of mango distraction. (Courtesy CNN)
Photo: Venezuela President Nicolás Maduro displays the weapon of mango distraction.
(Courtesy CNN)

Maduro revealed subsequently that Marleny Olivo was so desperate to get his attention that she scribbled a note on the fruit and tossed it at his cabeza. And the Venezuelan President gave her a State house for her troubles.

Presumably, Venezuelans are stockpiling fruit and practising their bowling actions as we speak.

At least it is a more transparent housing process than what obtains in Trinidad and Tobago where one must either gamble on Roodal Moonilal’s supposedly random lottery or become Glenn Ramadharshingh’s bathroom attendant.

But how would Trinidad and Tobago’s own bigwigs respond to being hit on the head with a mango in similar conditions?

Live Wire let fly and noted their retorts. Bonk!

Photo: Ex-Tourism Minister, MP and sweetman brahmin Chandresh Sharma. (Courtesy Trinidad Guardian)
Photo: Ex-Tourism Minister, MP and sweetman brahmin Chandresh Sharma.
(Courtesy Trinidad Guardian)

MP Chandresh Sharma: I don’t have my reading glasses on me… Is that from Sacha Singh?

Senator Gerald Hadeed: Them f***ing rat and dem!

Senator Devant Maharaj: The PNM did it first!

MP Colm Imbert: The PNM did it first!

President Anthony Carmona: Pre-action protocol letter!

MP Jack Warner: This, of course, is the work of an amateur. I would have sucked the mango dry first!

Acting Police Commissioner Stephen Williams: After an extensive report and thorough investigations, I can now confirm that no one was responsible for the thrown mango.

Opposition Leader Keith Rowley: I categorically deny ever interfering with any mango tree. And, if I did, the fruit was definitely ripe not green!

Photo: Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar gets a buzz from the local government election results.
Photo: Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar gets a buzz from the local government election results.

Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar: I didn’t ask for a mango thrown at me. I said “mango daiquiri!”

Speaker of the House Wade Mark: Oh gorm… Somebody tell Sushilla I will buy her the damn vibrating chair myself!

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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18 comments

  1. They tried, he rigged the election, killed opposition supporters, an arrested the opposition leaders. Hence the reason the USA have cut ties. Any other obvious recommendations?

  2. Wow people don’t have to do that it have something called a election vote him out

  3. This is one man, I do not trust!!!

  4. Hahahahahahahahahahaaha!!!! Oh gorm!!!

  5. Mango daiquiri? U mean straight ent?

  6. Liburd, you miss? how you ehn get notten.

  7. Holy crap Lasana, everybody and Dhey Mudda get pelt with a suck up mangoseed in this one!!! Lol

  8. What does the ” real” mango head, that Brazilian diehard have to say about this? Earl???

  9. I wasn’t taking that house, henchmen coming right in that house and light up his ass.

  10. yuh need to know what kinda mango he pelt Chavez with.. because ah mango was d determinant factor in dat house giving prize..in tnt we hv all kinds ah mango..expensive ones n cheap ones… =D

  11. Right away in Trinidad we would call him Mangohead.

  12. Tim Gopeesingh: We have planted 186 mango trees in the last five years. 76 of these were planted in PNM constituencies.

  13. Roodal Moonilal: That mango was randomly chosen from the 160,000 mangoes on the tree.

  14. Scotty Ranking

    Housing Minister Roodal Moonilal: what a waste of a mango! Could have used it for one of my mango paste facials from Mala.