Raucous in Rio: Live Wire envies the Tonga man, serves Chow and touches that Dick again

“Whoday Whoday oy!”

As it turns out, the first major event of the 2016 Rio Olympic Games was synchronised oogling, as the Tonga man—the nation’s flag bearer and taekwondo fighter Pita Nikolas Taufatofua—became the first hit of the most popular sporting event on the planet by whipping up an oil down that had the ladies standing up and the Mighty Sparrow stretching to shake he hand and muttering: “Ah wish it was me…”

Photo: Wtf?! Dude... My children are watching!
Photo: Wtf?! Dude… My children are watching!

Simultaneously, husbands and boyfriends around the world remembered why they hate watching sport with their significant others.

“Ahmm. No darling, we will not be watching the taekwondo event… But you can watch T&T’s Christopher George in the judo.”

Ah hah, so you jes find out that Trinidad Tobago has its own fighter in Rio! And one who is too much of a gentleman to walk around bareback in the people’s place like it’s Villa Capri or waste a bucket of oil on his chest in the midst of an economic crisis.

Well don’t fear, Mr Live Wire is here!

And while Keshorn Walcott, Machel Cedenio, Jehue Gordon, Njisane Phillip, Cleopatra Borel and the rest run, hop, skip and pedal, Wired868 is ready to competitively click and recline with the best of them to keep readers up to speed on our Olympians.

Team Trinidad and Tobago made its own classy appearance last night in smart red jumpers and khaki pants. Although, if Tonga wants to play fresh, maybe we should take the stage in beads and bikinis at Tokyo 2020!

(Now if only we can find a way to have Fay-Ann Lyons-Alvarez carry the flag!)

Photo: Trinidad and Tobago’s flagbearer Keshorn Walcott leads his delegation during the opening ceremony of the Rio 2016 Olympic Games at the Maracana stadium in Rio de Janeiro on 5 August 2016.  But Mr Live Wire will start a petition for Fay-Ann Lyons-Alvarez to carry the flag in 2020. (Copyright Pedro Ugarte/AFP 2016/Wired868)
Photo: Trinidad and Tobago’s flagbearer Keshorn Walcott leads his delegation during the opening ceremony of the Rio 2016 Olympic Games at the Maracana stadium in Rio de Janeiro on 5 August 2016. 
But Mr Live Wire will start a petition for Fay-Ann Lyons-Alvarez to carry the flag in 2020.
(Copyright Pedro Ugarte/AFP 2016/Wired868)

Felice Chow was Trinidad and Tobago’s first participant at the Rio Olympics and, in so doing, the United States-based athlete became the two island republic’s first Olympic rower. Ever!

Okay, so Chow was bit overshadowed international today by 18-year-old Syrian swimmer Yusra Mardini, who helped save a boat full of fellow refugees from drowning in open water between Turkey and Greece.

Nice one, Yusra. But then Chow is 39 and, judging from the way that Trinidad and Tobago treats its senior citizens these days, she might have her own problems soon.

For one, she only has about 10 years left to use GATE!

Chow came fifth in her heat today and did not get an automatic berth in the Women’s Single Sculls quarterfinal. But she has another shot at that from 8am tomorrow—on 7 August—in the Repechage heats, which will see 14 rowers compete for two quarterfinal spots.

Photo: You row girl! Trinidad and Tobago's Felice Chow. (Courtesy TTOC)
Photo: You row girl! Trinidad and Tobago’s Felice Chow.
(Courtesy TTOC)

Not that Chow is likely to be the Trinidad and Tobago competitor who creates the biggest buzz tomorrow.

Enter pint sized gymnast, Marisa Dick, who, despite being as sweet, friendly and well-mannered as your average airline stewardess, is generally considered to be as likeable as wet, sweaty socks, after her perceived role in the controversial deselection of fellow gymnast, Thema Williams.

Dick, who hopes to thrill the world with her “Dick mount”, earned her pick in Rio after excelling in the tumbling morals obstacle course, competitive cross-Canada airplane chase and knife-in-the-back freestyle event. Or so the critics—Live Wire included—would have you believe.

In any case, the Olympics are here! Bring it home T&T!

Whoday! Whoday oy!

Photo: Trinidad and Tobago's Keshorn Walcott celebrates after securing gold at the London 2012 Olympic Games. (Copyright Telegraph.co.uk)
Photo: Trinidad and Tobago’s Keshorn Walcott celebrates after securing gold at the London 2012 Olympic Games.
(Copyright Telegraph.co.uk)

Editor’s Note: Click HERE to view Trinidad and Tobago’s entire Rio 2016 Olympic Games contingent.

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About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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68 comments

  1. ah rug and some citronella oil and….wah lah!
    Internet Stardom!

  2. Hahahaha… Lasana Liburd, what a headline! I have not yet been able to get past it to the article, fus ah laughing raucously!

  3. Uhhhhh ah tink ah commented awready but…..ah furget!!!

  4. His name is Johnson Baybee Oyle

  5. Chow is an Olympic athlete and given her unpopular choice of sport she is definitely a self starter. I think she understands that when an opportunity is presented in good ole TnT you don’t wait years till after the inevitable closing of the gate to try to access the opportunity.

  6. Best thing for the night! Tonga to d bone

  7. Tonga pass just before T&T..I almost eh notice Keshorn

  8. “Simultaneously, husbands and boyfriends around the world remembered why they hate watching sport with their significant others.”

  9. That Tonga Man sure had ME going last night night. Lol.

  10. “I envy the Tonga man.” As only you can, Liburd

  11. this is a wasted used of words

  12. That Tonga oil down causing serious trouble even amongst the non heterosexual.

  13. Banning you from the Internet Lasana ???

  14. As a famous calysponian once sang, ‘I envy de Tonga man’.

  15. Yesss…thanks for the pic Lasana Liburd!

  16. Kala Ramnath, with some good feijoada!

  17. You had a few caipirinhas already …

  18. Villa still open ? I can take on watching some floor exercises and pole mounts .

  19. Please note Ms. Canada front & centre & the only one of the T & T delegation not even holding a flag.

  20. I guess I misread the headline because I went eagerly to the story expecting details about how Mr Live Wire contrived to touch the Tonga man’s dick.

    Needless to say, I was bitterly disappointed.

  21. Aye …all de haters could talk. When Olympics done “Mr. Oil Dong” modelling career gone clear yes! That was some serious eye candy passing across de screen?

  22. Oh God. I eh read it yet…just the title and I buss out laughing ?

  23. So wait, everybody stop looking at Anthony Garcia’s physique on that story above, LL?? Surely some mistake. Take one, though.

  24. well, your headline is mischievous to say the least…lol

  25. This meme is the gift that keeps giving.

  26. Yaaaassss Tonga man! Yaaaasssss!!! ??

  27. Knife-in-the-back freestyle event?!!!?????

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