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Red Devils seek divine assistance; Madrid and Milan rehearse pick-up lines

Three months ago, Angel Di Maria was the Man of the Match as Real Madrid edged Atletico Madrid to capture their tenth European trophy or La Decima.

This week, Di Maria was unveiled as Manchester United’s latest signing and promptly watched his new employer flogged 4-0 by an obscure lower league club, MK Dons, in the equally unheralded League Cup competition.

Photo: Argentina midfielder Angel Di Maria (right) prepares to flick the ball over the head of Peru player Jefferson Farfan during a 2014 World Cup qualifier.    (Copyright AFP 2014/Ernesto Benavides)
Photo: Argentina midfielder Angel Di Maria (right) prepares to flick the ball over the head of Peru player Jefferson Farfan during a 2014 World Cup qualifier.
(Copyright AFP 2014/Ernesto Benavides)

As far as bizarre career choices go, this might be ranked alongside Jim Carrey’s decision to appear in “Cable Guy” and Luis Scolari’s resolution to pin Brazil’s 2014 World Cup hopes on Fred.

In Van Gaal’s defence—and he can surely do with some help there—he did rest almost his entire first team squad to face the Dons. Presumably, no one had the heart to tell him that United does not have the extra exertion of Champions League matches anymore; or even Europa League fixtures.

The Dutch manager needs more than an Angel at the moment; he needs Jesus. Or an exorcist.

On the bright side, at least David Moyes can go out in public now. Sort of like football’s equivalent to Patrick Manning.

Photo: Former Manchester United manager David Moyes just heard about the MK Dons result. (Courtesy Adelaidenow.com.au)
Photo: Former Manchester United manager David Moyes just heard about the MK Dons result.
(Courtesy Adelaidenow.com.au)

Elsewhere in Italy, AC Milan vice-president Adriano Galliani confirmed that one of Europe’s most famous clubs is trying desperately to sign Chelsea misfit Fernando Torres. Well that can only go well, right?

Mr Live Wire thinks replacing Mario Balotelli with Torres is like swapping a sports car for a bus pass. No wonder Kaka jumped at the chance to play with Trinidad and Tobago’s Kevin Molino at Orlando City.

While Chelsea considers trimming the fat, another London club, Tottenham Hotspur, has moved quickly to replace departing defender Michael Dawson with Argentina international Federico Fazio. Mr Live Wire believes the move is in keeping with Spurs’ policy to replace average British players with average foreign ones.

Spurs would probably have signed Ricky Lambert if he spoke Spanish.

And speaking of the Spanish; Real Madrid is still dumping sweethearts with as much class and regularity as Taylor Swift. And, after releasing the tried and tested Di Maria for the latest pretty face in Colombia’s James Rodriguez, it looks like veteran midfielder Xabi Alonso will be the next stalwart tossed overboard with Bayern Munich circling.

Photo: Colombia star James Rodriguez (left) squeezed Angel Di Maria out of Real Madrid.
Photo: Colombia star James Rodriguez (left) squeezed Angel Di Maria out of Real Madrid.

And when Madrid starts trimming the fat, you know that flirtatious club president of theirs is preparing to woo another Galactico. Is he ogling Monaco striker Radamel Falcao perhaps?

Karim Benzema better get himself some chocolate and an Adele CD, just in case.

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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22 comments

  1. The deeper Gerard plays this season with that lineup, Liverpool will be in for some good cut arse! Balo is perhaps one of the better quality besides Drogba who can play back to goal in the EPL. Carrol hmm maybe. However, if a striker cant take down a 40 yarder from stevie G, it becomes criminal to play this formation. the Kop would instead be signing ‘what the Pok’ if Rogers doesn’t get it right. Is LVG going to play Fletcher for the entire season? If he does, I can see Paul Scholes coming out of retirement again. The only other option is to play di maria in the center of the pitch if Rooney is too big to accept that responsibility. If they don’t make the mid field stronger defensively of attackingly or both, perhaps with a player as lampard or stevie G., they can change themselves from Man U to Man down.

  2. las liverpol going all the way. the kop will see us through

  3. I take that back about Liverpool in the champions league. I just saw the draw!
    Manchester City just can’t catch a break. And Liverpool gets a terrific draw. Lol.

  4. Depth is key to the champions league. But quality is crucial to get out your group.
    I like what Rodgers is doing. But I would be stunned if you got to knockout rounds.

  5. Liverpool will spring a surprise in the champions league. we have more squad depth

  6. Or that is what I was trying to say at any rate.

  7. No. I said Manchester squad is better than team Liverpool had last year. Not this year

  8. No – saying Liverpool has a better squad than Manchester United.

  9. Xabi has lost several steps so Irramendi, Khadeira and Kroos will fill that role.

  10. Disagree Lasana. Liverpool had a better squad and still does at this point. Di Maria does not address the complete lack of spine in the time and isn’t suited to the 3-5-2 that LVG seems hell bent on playing despite not having the personnel.

  11. If Devorn Jorsling got a million Twitter followers, they would probably sign him by Saturday!

  12. Lol serious thing if Fred have score 7 goals bet yuh ah big club would have sign him. Lol

  13. Hahaha… Gone one Amery! Suarez apart, I think United has a stronger team than Liverpool had last season. It will be a fight. I don’t think they are title contenders. But United can crack top four… Once Balotelli doesn’t hit the ground running!
    If Balotelli has even a decent season by his standards, Liverpool can be an even bigger force since the squad is deeper now.

  14. Lasana Liburd the talent the premier league have dese days I see united struggling to crack ah top four. I believe the EPL needs Man U to be back to Man U standards. The difference with Liverpool last year they had that player name Suarez. That guy carried that squad. We will see if Di Maria has what it take to be the face of the team. I really like Di Maria and I hope They use him as the focal point in the attack. We go see. Now they have 4 world class players. Rooney, Van Persie, and Mata, need more players like that. Also Man U advantage they have is that they can only focus on the league.

  15. Ye L Lasana Liburd I’m leaning towards the view that Madrid didn’t have to sell Di Maria. Their squad seemed complete all they needed was another big striker to compete with Benzema. So I guess buying Falcao made more immediate sense.

    But ha we know Madrid’s galactico policy. However I’m reluctant to say its was dumb to sell Di Maria, bcause of James & Kroos step up, they probably won’t miss Angel..

  16. I think Liverpool cracked the top four with a smaller team than United to be honest. They need to settle down and start maximising their strengths.
    It will be a tough season but not insurmountable. I’ve seen Ferguson go a week or two using Carrick and Evra as centre backs because of an injury crisis and still lift the title or chase it to the last weekend.

  17. Haha just de other day inter Milan was de team to beat. Way. Man United needs bout 4 more big signings to crack that top 4 eh

  18. Serie A is like a retirement league now. Hence the likes of Cole and Vidic heading there. I suppose Lampard thinks he still has a couple of good years in him before he heads to Italy. 🙂

  19. “No wonder Kaka jumped at the chance to play with Trinidad and Tobago’s Kevin Molino at Orlando City”. Ouchy. Milan appears to be on a quest to be the Italian Sheffield Wednesday.

  20. Only Real Madrid could get away with selling Di Maria. These two articles about his sale make a lot of sense:

    http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/28925575

    “The ever astute Jonathan Wilson, author of Inverting the Pyramid: The History of Football Tactics, described him recently as “tactically probably the most important member of the Real Madrid side in 2013-14” in his deeper midfield role.

    “He pulled wide when Cristiano Ronaldo went inside. He shuttled to provide the link between the midfield of Xabi Alonso (or Sami Khedira in the Champions League final) and Luka Modric and the forward line, [and] he sat in when Marcelo overlapped him from full-back,” explained Wilson, who judges that Real’s decision to let Di Maria go could prove as foolish as the similar blunder they made with Claude Makelele just over a decade ago”