Home / Live Wire / Yes, Prime Minister: Confused Prakash seeks answers on reform; and turkeys

Yes, Prime Minister: Confused Prakash seeks answers on reform; and turkeys

Scene: Office of the Prime Minister.

(Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar walks in to meet COP leader Prakash Ramadhar already seated)

Prime Minister: Hello Prakash. Did I keep you waiting long?

Prakash Ramadhar: No longer than usual, Madam Prime Minister.

Prime Minister: It was that damn Verna! Did you see how she tried to block me?! I don’t know why Kublalsingh doesn’t invite her to fast too; so I could knock her down myself next time. Who would think it would take so long to get her out of our system? She like a bad curry!

Prakash: You handled it beautifully Prime Minister.

Photo: Trinidad and Tobago Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar.
Photo: Trinidad and Tobago Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar.

Prime Minister: I wonder if we can tweak the anti-bullying bill to deal with Verna… I will ask Anand. Anyway, Prakash boy, that was an excellent speech in Parliament today. I didn’t know you had it in you.

Prakash: Thank you Madame Prime Minister. I indulge you on behalf of our fine constitution to speak my thanks.

Prime Minister: What’s that?

Prakash: Sorry, Madame Prime Minister. I mean I thank you for indulging me to speak on behalf of our fine constitution bill. I seem to be a little light headed today.

Prime Minister: Haha. No problem Praks. You did very well. You put Rowley in his place!

Prakash: Rowley is no match for my superior oratory skills, Madam.

Prime Minister: Not at all, Prakash. Not at all.

Prakash: And what was that nonsense Mr Live Wire spreading about me being the first turkey to vote for Thanksgiving? I see the Opposition Leader parroting it now… Oh shims. I should have called him a parrot. See Madam? I always get the best ideas when either you or the AG is in the room to help!

Prime Minister: We will always have a space in the room for your Praks. Don’t worry about that. I asked Moonilal to get you a nice rug and floor cushion. You are our pardoned turkey. (Winks).

Prakash: That sounds wonderful Prime Minister… (Pauses) What do you mean though?

Prime Minister: How you mean?

Prakash: No, I meant what do you mean?

Prime Minister: What do you mean by how I mean?

Prakash: How am I a pardoned turkey?

Photo: COP political leader and Minister of Legal Affairs Prakash Ramadhar.
Photo: COP political leader and Minister of Legal Affairs Prakash Ramadhar.

Prime Minister: Let’s forget that stupid analogy. Turkeys are flightless birds with no taste, small brains and limited depth perception. That doesn’t sound anything like you, does it?

Prakash: Ahmm… Can I take some time to consider that new information?

Prime Minister: But Prakash, I just told you what to think. Not so?

Prakash: Ahmm. Yes. Very good, Prime Minister.

(Awkward silence)

Prime Minister: Okay Prakash. Nice of you to drop in but I have some urgent business to attend to. Daren Ganga is dropping by for me to vet his cricket DVD. So…

Prakash (looks at his shoes): Prime Minister, everybody saying that you’re using me for my job title. Merle said how you telling everyone that I’m just a pretty face and an empty head…

Prime Minister: I categorically deny ever calling you a pretty face…

Prakash: It getting so hard to know who to trust now. I just want to do the right thing for my country and my party. The AG told me a runoff would allow more people to vote for the COP. But how are we better off if we are not on the final ballot?

Prime Minister: Well…

Prakash: Mr Live Wire also asking, if we like elections so much, why we don’t call a referendum and let the public vote on the proposed amendments themselves. And people say Rowley was fighting for the COP more than I was today. And when Marlene spoke about good governance…

Prime Minister: What anybody in the PNM know about good governance? Would they be on the Opposition bench if they knew about good governance?

Photo: Opposition Leader Keith Rowley. (Courtesy Jyoti Communication)
Photo: Opposition Leader Keith Rowley.
(Courtesy Jyoti Communication)

Prakash: Well, that is true.

Prime Minister: And who vote for Live Wire? Ever since I let Jack Warner dress up as Prime Minister once or twice, Live Wire feels he is the new Ria Taitt and could tell people about politics. I will have to buy some footballs for Tim Kee so Live Wire would mind his business instead yes.

Prakash: You want me to get the footballs, Madam Prime Minister?

Prime Minister: What you know about balls? Tell Rupert to buy them.

Prakash: Will do Prime Minister. But how do you think I should answer Merle and my friends in the COP?

Prime Minister: Prakash if all your friends in the COP sit down on my desk right now, it would still be empty.

Prakash (thinks for a while): I’m sorry Prime Minister. I don’t quite understand that compliment…

Prime Minister: Tell them it is better to serve as an acting COP than not at all.

Prakash: An acting CoP?

Prime Minister: There is no COP, Prakash. You all are UNC in fancy clothes. You always were. Like how CIC students used to wear their dress uniform and pay half the fare to maxi conductors who thought they were from Curepe Junior Sec.

Prakash: You mean CUC?

Prime Minister: St Mary’s College, boy.

Prakash (nods emphatically but with a confused look): So I will tell the naysayers like Jack Warner, Marlene and Merle that…

(He peers over his glasses)

Photo: Pssst... Prakash!
Photo: Pssst… Prakash!

Prime Minister: Steups. You studying Jack? The whole thing was his idea when he was on this side! How you think FIFA selects its World Cup hosts?! The first ballot is just to mamaguy some of the people who didn’t bribe well enough before you get down to the serious business.

So you mean to say the system that choose between Qatar and the United States for the 2018 World Cup not good enough to work out if Gypsy or Clarence Rambharat should run Mayaro next year?

Prakash (writing as he speaks): So I can say that the PP is getting more and more like FIFA every day in terms of its governance, transparency and accountability…

Prime Minister: Prakash, get out of my office.

Prakash: Yes, Prime Minister.

 

Editor’s Note: This column is pure satire and all conversations are faked. No offence is meant at parties named; although they probably deserve it.

And, of course, our thanks to former British sitcom: Yes, Prime Minister.

AboutMr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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23 comments

  1. Prakash defied his party executive’s position and voted YEA, Now COP should demonstrate how the recall works by recalling Prakash as their leader. However that won’t affect him because he is now UNC just like Coudray was vacuumed up to the chagrin of COP.

  2. ‘Yes Prime Minister” ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

  3. ha ha ha how my alma mata get into this debate?

  4. CONGRATULATIONS, GOD BLESS OUR NATION, ALAS CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM –
    Great Debate in Parliament yesterday,
    1) Government used it Parliamentary Majority to fulfil Election promises as Governments are won’t to. The three provisions were passed by a vote of 23 Yes, 14 No, including PNM, Warner, Dookeran, Seepersad Bachan, Abstain 1, COP Samuel. The Bill now moves to the Senate.
    Limited Terms for PM
    Right to Recall
    Run Off Elections

    2) The Opposition, Opposed to secure its Political interest as Oppositions are won’t to.
    3) Minority Party COP, and loosing candidate Seepersad Bachan and Winston Dookeran tried to protect their minority interest as minority parties are won’t to.

    THE BEST NEWS
    The Government tabled a motion to discuss CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM at committee level and report no later than six months, and lo and behold the OPPOSITION agreed.

  5. Scotty Ranking

    The best part for me was … “Okay Prakash. Nice of you to drop in but I have some urgent business to attend to. Daren Ganga is dropping by for me to vet his cricket DVD. So…” Shows how valued Praks really is in the grand scheme of things!

  6. Haha. I was a big Humphrey fan myself. From a safe distance of course!

  7. Yes, Prime Minister is a true classic. I would gladly trade for Sir Humphrey and Jim Hacker to lead us now.

  8. SEND THE DAMN FOOLS FURTHER-
    De ja vu, our political parties are best looking when in opposition, we were here 50 years ago and every five years thereafter, next five years we will be still talking about CHANGE and CORRUPTION and not CAMPAIGN FINANCE LAWS.

  9. FANTASTIC DEBATE IN PARLIAMENT WE HAVE THE BEST POLITICIANS IN THE WORLD EXPECT CANONIZATION SOON-
    1) No Political Party in T&T has been CORRUPT,
    2) No Political Party want to win elections.
    3) No Political Party uses its Parliamentary Majority to its benefit.
    4) No Political Party has FINANCIERS who they are beholden after elections to repay.
    5) No Political Parties disagree, there is always agreement between Government and Opposition.
    6) No political parties push their own agenda, everything is put to a Referendum first.

    LET THE GAMES CONTINUE. YUH FOOL MEH ONCE SHAME ON YOU, YUH FOOL MEH TWICE SHAME ON ME.

  10. Ah nex section 36 good LORD..

  11. I could feel a little sorry for Praks…

  12. I’m dying here, Debbie…but ah feeling sorry for the man too

  13. He deserve every piece ah shit up he get. Still laughing.

  14. Oohh lala Lasana! Excellent piece….but poor Praks man….doh treat him so bad nah!

    Prime Minister: Steups. You studying Jack? The whole thing was his idea when he was on this side! How you think FIFA selects its World Cup hosts?! The first ballot is just to mamaguy some of the people who didn’t bribe well enough before you get down to the serious business.

  15. Thought the same thing Asante. Keith tiefing yuh words Lasana. Yuh better charge him copyrights. Lol!

  16. Lol … Lasana when I heard the turkey remark from Rowley on news ah say but wait nah is mih darling he took that from rofl

  17. I can’t stop laughing at this piece Lasana. Crying tears. Poor Praks he set himself up and still don’t know it just like the UNC supporters outside the Waterfront building today. LMAO!!

  18. Lasana, I thought the alpha male protocol says that you never hit a man when he is down. Oh, sorry! I just realise it say “a man;” Prakash doh qualify!