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We dogs dead! Mr Live Wire on Chinese food and rum shop logic

Question: How to turn a potential problem into a crisis?

Answer: Ask Health Minister Dr Fuad Khan for help.

Photo: Barataria/San Juan MP Dr Fuad Khan. (Courtesy PAHO.org)
Photo: Barataria/San Juan MP Dr Fuad Khan.
(Courtesy PAHO.org)

And so, after the curious sight of an Asian couple skinning a dog in what may or not have been Trinidad and Tobago, Health Ministry tried to put out the fire with kerosene.

“I realise that the amount of stray dogs in this country (which) disappeared and you don’t see them in a pound, so they have to be going somewhere,” Khan told CNC3. “I know in China, rats are eaten, dogs are eaten, rodents, cats and other things…

“When you mix meat with msg to soften the meat, the taste will change as well as the actual meat consistency. So one has to be extremely astute about what you’re eating.”

Khan is suggesting that Chinese people will eat anything without an ID card and are probably kidnapping pothounds, masking their flavour and charging us to eat them under false pretence.

And all this based on an old custom in parts of China, one skinned dog and the fact that he does not see many strays on his drive to Parliament. Thankfully, news anchor Golda Lee Bruce did not follow up by asking Khan for his expert knowledge on the making of hot dogs.

Photo: Okay... Explain what you mean about having me "Gangnam Style?"
Photo: Okay… Explain what you mean about having me “Gangnam Style?”

It is what President Anthony Carmona recently referred to as “rum shop logic.”

For instance, a prisons officer is threatened by an inmate and then shot outside his house. So, as a result, Justice Minister Prakash Ramadhar announced a $12 million deal to install 24-hour CCTV cameras in prison.

Does Ramadhar think prisoners are picking the locks, heading out to commit murder and returning to their cells? Or does he just really miss HBO prison drama, Oz?

Rum shop logic, a rebranded age old philosophy, is spreading like bushfire. And, although Carmona is one of its leading ideological practitioners, he is not the person who is wielding its powers at present.

Mr Live Wire presents the disciples of rum shop logic:

Photo: Reema Carmona (right) poses next to Ban Soon-Taek, the wife of United Nations General Secretary, Mr Ban Ki-Moon, at a UN event on Tuesday 23 September 2014. Rum shop logic is when you hear breakfast function and dress for breakfast fete. (Courtesy Zimbio)
Photo: Reema Carmona (right) poses next to Ban Soon-Taek, the wife of United Nations General Secretary, Mr Ban Ki-Moon, at a UN event on Tuesday 23 September 2014.
Rum shop logic is when you hear breakfast function and dress for breakfast fete.
(Courtesy Zimbio)

Rum shop logic is: when the Health Minister makes Chinese restaurants seem as desirable to diners as a US visa is to Jack Warner, but then doesn’t send health workers en masse to investigate their kitchens on our behalf;

Rum shop logic is: when the Health Minister has more theories about Chinese food recipes than rampant fraud at the multi-million dollar Children’s Life Fund Authority (CLFA);

Rum shop logic is: when CLFA interim chairman Colin Furlonge is still promising an audit of the body, months after no less an authority than the CEO pointed out to serious issues of corruption;

Rum shop logic is: when Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar calculates her donations to the CLFA based on her five-year term in Government, but the Fund, according to former CEO Geoffrey Lewis, did not receive its first cheque from a Minister until late 2012;

Rum shop logic is: when the Prime Minister holds Opposition Leader Keith Rowley responsible for everything done or said by someone in a PNM jersey, but cannot account for illegal substances in her own home;

Photo: Marijuana?! Home!!!
Photo: Marijuana?! Home!!!

Rum shop logic is: when the Prime Minister demands a probe into the conduct of retired police inspector Mervyn Richardson, who allegedly covered up the discovery of marijuana at her home, and then gives him a job under her own Ministry before it is completed;

Rum shop logic is: when Carmona, with the Chief Justice and FIU director at his side, tells citizens that prayer is their best chance for justice, but doesn’t explain the presence of Pastor Rodger Samuel and Pundit Chandresh Sharma in the PP or Archbishop Joe Harris’ admission that the Catholic Church probably banked dirty money from Jack Warner;

Rum shop logic is: when Carmona pocketed a $28,000 monthly housing allowance while living in State accommodation, and still feels he can lecture anybody about what an Integrity Commission should look like;

Rum shop logic is: when PNM speaker Fitzgerald Hinds claims moral and intellectual superiority over the Third Force Movement while describing the political party as “turds” and conjuring an image of its leader Timothy Hamel-Smith “on a cesspit in Westmoorings with a Flit gun killing all the cockroaches”;

Rum shop logic is: when Rowley thinks the 2015 General Election is in the bag while his frontline speaker is hopping from lagoons to latrines, and his party treasurer is TTFA president Raymond Tim Kee who couldn’t sell ice in the desert;

Photo: ILP political leader and ex-FIFA vice president Jack Warner presumably pays to send another constituent to a London university. (Copyright Diego Urdanete/AFP 2015)
Photo: ILP political leader and ex-FIFA vice president Jack Warner presumably pays to send another constituent to a London university.
(Copyright Diego Urdanete/AFP 2015)

Rum shop logic is: when the country thinks its best chance of unearthing wrongdoing in the People’s Partnership Government, the Chaguanas West MP, is wanted by the US Department Of Justice on 12 offences related to racketeering, corruption and money laundering;

Rum shop logic is: when the United States spend millions investigating Jack Warner and now realise they have to hand over their valuable evidence to a country in which rats eat court evidence, policemen suspected of corruption are promoted and “Motor Mouth” Gary Griffith is trusted with State secrets;

Rum shop logic is: when people feel the worst thing that can happen to Trinidad and Tobago is allowing same-sex couples to spend their hard-earned money on wedding planners and divorce lawyers, while politicians rape the treasury, castrate watch-dog bodies and make constituents bend over in their bathrooms for State housing.

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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73 comments

  1. I had a good laugh when I read what the Minister of Health said about the Chinese in Trinidad selling and eating dog meat. How hypocritical can we Trinidadians be when once a year Trinis, all over, rush to buy and eat Manicou aka Opossum, Agouti (a giant rodent), Monkey, Armadillo aka Tatoo, snake, and Iguana. We Trinis confused or on jokes or both?

  2. The next time Fruad giving a press conference, Mark Bassant should ask him how he know dog meat doesn’t taste the same when yuh add Vetsin

  3. You know I keep going back to this post just to laugh at the picture of the Weimaraner dog on the right..he’s such a cutie!

  4. Debbie trinis so damn gullible and the politicians are the worse. Falling for the usual tricks

  5. Become Vegetarian! Advice from our esteemed Minister of Health!

  6. “they eating anything without an ID card”……ah LOVE IT!!!!!

  7. Please i must say i meant no offence to the Indo Trini Community. I was just trying to point out the arseness of his statement.

  8. And with Vetsin, it does change the taste…hmmmm like he had some or wha

  9. When I first heard “Fraud” talking I was waiting for him to buss out laughing and say…”nah I jes jokin'”. But no he really did say…”dog in black bean sauce” with a straight face!

  10. I myself couldn’t believe what I was hearing but with this Muppet show anything is possible

  11. For all we know the curry goat we eating might be dog or horse. What a jackass. I agree he proceeded to alienate the hard working Chinese Community and just gave Stuart Young a win on a platter. Maybe we should check to see if he’s a real Doctor or if he bought his licence and qualifications in a wonder bag. Well written again Lasana. Like ah boss.

  12. Fuad Khan is a big dunce like the rest of the UNC.
    You really have to wonder whether these people only have book sense or no sense at all.
    I just couldn’t believe what he said in response to the serving of dogs at chinese restaurants.
    He has managed in just a few dotish sentences, to alienate the chinese population.
    I have to wonder what his response would’ve been if someone had said that Indian people sell dog roti.

  13. Turns out there is no increase in missing stray dogs and Fuad Khan made up all of his “evidence”. Who could have guessed that? Lol
    http://www.trinidadexpress.com/20150710/news/chinese-restaurants-we-dont-serve-dog-meat

  14. Yes , I laughed a good two minutes while agreeing with you.This was so on point,Thank you

  15. OUCH Lisana, yuh biting hard and deep. Nice.

  16. Well written and thought provoking as usual

  17. Can’t wait to hear you on Donkey Logic, Lasana.

  18. Yuh see Rose-Marie Ingrid how he know so much? He is the supplier

  19. Lasana you just the greatest, so accurate even in satire lol

  20. Rum shop logic tranparency international in 2010 T&T was ranked 73, 2014 we are now 85 most corrupt government (UNC) ever!!

  21. Rumshop logic is when Mervyn Richardson is under investigation for the coverup of ganja at Kamla’s residence and Kamla decides that it is best to give him another promption as head honcho in the NOC.
    Or maybe that is ganja logic.

  22. Now ppl really? Fuad expect us to believe he looking for stray dogs? When the a/c on and the dark tinted glass up he sightseeing for pot hounds? Hmmmm wonder if he’s a dog trafficker eh Ravi.

  23. Dr. Somebody has now figured out the mystery of his long lost canine.

  24. Lasana I want to meet you in ah true true rumshop to have ah logical talk yes!! Cause it certainly not happening in the cabinet meetings!!! Well done Lasana!!!

  25. Ah Lasana your sarcasm is on point with this article. Thank you!!! LOLLLL

  26. T&T is comedy central and I may need to cancel my cable subscription lol

  27. Sana yuh now start! Lol There is 5 years worth of material to work with. I say do a Rum Shop Logic listing every week from now on lol

  28. Lawd Fuad still commenting on the dog meat. Saying they should put it on the menu

  29. If prostitution is illegal, why do we pay the government to screw us?…That is rum shop logic..I’ll take a drink to that!!!

  30. Lol. You might order one thing and get another with this series. ?

  31. I keep saying we are best at Crisis Management. We always manage to create a Crisis

  32. Ammmm Lasana
    This isn’t rum shop logic, this is reason for suspicion of complicity.

    “Rum shop logic is: when CLFA interim chairman Colin Furlonge is still promising an audit of the body, months after no less an authority than the CEO pointed out to serious issues of corruption.”

  33. The PM loses the local election and Opp leader thinks that she was drunk for celebrating. The Opp leader calls a press conference then gets rebuffed by the president on the integrity commission for not checkin his in-mail. The president then looks at this country with an unusually high rum shop per square mileage and says don’t discuss his decisions in that manner. Who is drinking what and in what quantities? I say Dumb Shop Logic. Dumb shop logic is when two and a half parties screen candidates, start campaigning and don’t have a manifesto between them. We gone to the dogs and the Chinese are here to take care of “business!”

  34. Lasana bro where do you get these analogies from jeez yuh good lol

  35. Greer This is for U

    #KungFuBowWow #SweetandSourMeow

  36. Lol. This one has some bite!

  37. Ravi Fuad knows the recipe

  38. Poor dogs worried how the health Minister know what to use to make their meat taste good. The same one, whom the PM chose to investigate the causes of the children’s deaths in the Life Fund, who said that the mortality rate is very high with those illnesses as if getting your artery ‘accidentally’ cut is a side effect.

  39. It’s there Aneka!!! If yuh could find them these days

  40. Lol. We should have a Rumshop Logic series every week into elections. We won’t ever be bored

  41. i have not read this article yet but…where does Lasana, find these hilarious dog pics? I cannot with that picture AHAHAHAHHAAH!!

  42. “Khan is suggesting that Chinese people will eat anything without an ID card and are probably kidnapping pothounds, masking their flavour and charging us to eat them under false pretence.”

    Hahahahahahahaha #FallsOffToilet

  43. “Rum shop logic is: when the United States spend millions investigating Jack Warner and now realise they have to hand over their valuable evidence to a country in which rats eat court evidence, policemen suspected of corruption are promoted and “Motor Mouth” Gary Griffith is trusted with State secrets;”….and they appoint incompetent lawyers to prosecute the case…hahaha!

  44. “I realise that the amount of stray dogs in this country (which) disappeared and you don’t see them in a pound, so they have to be going somewhere,” Khan told CNC3. Was he keeping count of the stray dogs???

  45. “…and his party treasurer is TTFA president Raymond Tim Kee who couldn’t sell ice in the desert…” lol

  46. Earl Best

    Rumshop logic is believing that you can consistently criticize the PP government through every misstep from Reshmi to CLF theft and still thinking that you can get ads from the Ministry of Sports or the Sports Company. The rumshop doh understand nutten bout corruption!

    • Scotty Ranking

      Rumshop logic is that, despite all of theses missteps by the People’s Paar-ship gauva-ment, people still want to convince you that Aunty Kams and crew are collectively the best thing since sliced bread and will retain these people’s heartland vote. By the way, the rate that the CLF was pillaged and plundered, we shouldn’t call the FIU; call the Rape Crisis Centre instead!