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A PP Christmas with Jack and Kamla

Scene: Cabinet Christmas party (Kamla and Jack small-talk next to the rum punch).

Kamla: “Jack, I’m a little disappointed in this year’s party.”

Jack: “Yes, I know, I really think we should get rid of Moonilal and Ramlogan. They’re getting to be a little too mannish.”

Kamla: “No Jack, I don’t mean the political party. I mean this Christmas party.”

Jack: “Oh, right, I see. What’s wrong?”

Kamla: “Well, first, I particularly wanted the Ministers to put on a nativity play.”

Photo: Trinidad and Tobago Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar

Jack: “Well, we tried, Prime Minister, but we had a major casting problem.”

Kamla: “Oh? Why?”

Jack: “Well, we couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin amongst the cabinet.”

Kamla: “Good point.”

Jack: “Everybody wanted to be Pontius Pilate too and wash their hands of everything. Especially Volney. That was real bacchanal. Abdullah wrote in too and asked for us to put McLeod as Judas…”

Kamla: “Jack, don’t you ever mention David’s name in here again! You know he never even responded to that letter I wrote for him?! David had so much potential. He left all of this to go with those losers on the other side? Say what. David, I pity the fooool; that falls in love with you…”

Jack: “Ahmm. Sorry Kamla. I promise I won’t raise his name again.”

Kamla: “Keithos, I see you driving around town with that trade unionist I loved and I was like…”

Jack: “We were talking about the play right? Before you hear from anyone else… The gold, frankincense and myrrh went missing.”

Kamla: “Missing?”

Jack: “Yes. Well we couldn’t get frankincense, so we bought a bottle of Paco Rabanne.”

Kamla: “I love Paco. I think Tim’s wearing some tonight.”

Jack: “Yes, funny coincidence eh?”

Kamla: “What is myrrh?”

Jack: “Myrrh is traditional anointing oils. We had a whole litre of the thing and it disappeared. I heard that Anil was complaining about how hard it is to get Ann Summers sensual massage oils this Christmas. But I haven’t found him to ask about the myrrh yet.”

Kamla: “Haha. That Anil is such a lovable rascal. And what about the gold?”

Jack: “Well, we bought some gold earrings but it didn’t make sense to keep them after everything else disappeared. So I gave them to Maureen for Christmas.”

Kamla: “So nobody bothered to rehearse the play then?”

Jack: “Oh no, we did some rehearsals but they didn’t go well.”

Kamla: “Why, what happened?”

Jack: “Well, Anand was playing Joseph and I was the innkeeper. And when Anand asked me if there was any room, I told him ‘yes’ because I wanted Jesus to be born at the Emerald Plaza. But the cheap bugger told me my prices were ridiculous.”

Kamla: “Like Anand’s only interested in property in west Trinidad these days.”

Jack: “… And for the scene when the mob had to choose a prisoner to pardon, we substituted Machel Montano for Barabbas. Even Volney had to admit that was a stroke of genius. But flipping Iwer kept querying the votes; so now that before the courts too.”

Kamla: “We will get Toney to fight that case. And make sure he does it pro bono, eh?” (Kamla and Jack both laugh until they get misty-eyed).

Jack: “So, Prime Minister, did you get what you wished for this Christmas?”

Kamla: “Jack, I always wish for the same thing every year: That my past is forgotten and my present is remembered.”

Jack: “Haha. Very good, Prime Minister. I must write that down.”

Kamla: “What about you? Do you have any traditions?”

Jack: “Well, this year I left out some cookies and a glass of milk for the first time.”

Kamla: “For Santa?”

Jack: “No. For Kublalsingh!” (Kamla and Jack laugh some more).

Kamla: “Speaking of fat men who only work one day a year, did Volney send a Christmas card?”

Jack: “Yes. He sent the same card to the whole of parliament and all of his constituents, which was over 8,000 people.  It said: ‘Merry Christmas, and remember to keep the receipts of all the presents you buy, do not remove the tags and keep the bag. Then you can get a full refund if you return the gifts’.”

Photo: MP Herbert Volney.

Kamla: “Okay…”

Jack: “And he stapled a bill to the back of the card for $2,000 for providing legal advice.”

Kamla: “Hahaha! Classic. I sure know how to pick a Cabinet eh?”

Jack: “And he not in St Joseph this Christmas either, eh. The return address said Grafton Resort, room number 34.”

Kamla: “Phew. Enough talk yes. Tell Sprangalang to ‘bring drinks’.”


Editor’s Note: This column is pure satire and all conversations are faked. No offence is meant at parties named; although they probably deserve it

About Filbert Street

Filbert Street
Filbert Street is a real columnist who works in a fantasy world that sometimes resembles our own.

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  1. LOLOLOLOLOLOL….Look kicks!

  2. Hahahaha……….good one!!