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Bacchanal! Leaked e-mails catch Live Wire pandering to CNMG

The People’s Partnership has been caught in the headlights of a fresh email scandal after UNC campaign manager Rodney Charles was allegedly caught trying to kidnap Opposition Leader Dr Keith Rowley’s doctorate and troll him within an inch of his political life.

And part-time activist and full-time nuisance “P*****p” tried to get to the front of the feeding trough with an idea for a CNMG television show that would counter negative stories on Government Ministers with satirical rebuttals to the station’s 50 viewers.

Photo: Wired868 understands Opposition Leader Dr Keith Rowley has hired a bodyguard to safeguard his doctorate. So far, evidence does not suggest that Speaker Wade Mark was party to the kidnapping plot.
Photo: Wired868 understands Opposition Leader Dr Keith Rowley has hired a bodyguard to safeguard his doctorate.
So far, evidence does not suggest that Speaker Wade Mark was party to the kidnapping plot.

A stunned Housing Minister Roodal Moonilal revealed that the PNM must have a sophisticated hacking mechanism in its possession since the Government apparently is so careful about keeping its dirty laundry in-house.

To which the Tourism Minister may or may not have replied: “Them f***ing rat and them… I not in that shit!”

So far, Mr Live Wire has been immune from the embarrassing exposes, partly because the mainstream media couldn’t care less what is in his out-box. But, in an effort to provide full transparency to readers in advance of a dirty general election campaign, Mr Live Wire has decided to hack himself and reveal his own cringe-worthy attempts to launch a CNMG show.

(Undated emails)

From Mr Live Wire to CNMG CEO Ken Ali:

Dear Mr Ali,

People keep saying that Government Ministers are mostly parasites who are in office looking for a quick buck after failing to make their dreams come true in the private sector. Well, not really people; mainly that trouble-making fellah that Jack Warner cut down to size by threatening to sue him and then backing down at the last minute.

Anyway, I can neutralise people like him with a show that highlights the long, hard hours that Ministers spend wrapping up their duties before they head home to their significant others.

Photo: Sport Minister Anil Roberts is believed to be slightly more productive after hours.
Photo: Sport Minister Anil Roberts is believed to be slightly more productive after hours.

So why not have a television crew take turns trailing Ministers after-hours? We can show them pounding away at some mucky task or the other while taxpayers are home with their families.

We can call the show: “I know what you did the other night.”

I say we get the Sport Minister for our first episode. People say that light-bulb head of his operating on dim voltage. Well, that Liburd fellah again. But Anil looks like a man who could work the night away.

 

From Mr Live Wire to CNMG CEO Ken Ali:

Dear Mr Ali,

Two pull and he done? Who knew…

Well, I have put more scientific research in this next one. Well, it has about as much science as Shopping Toppin putting homing device on people children as if they are cell phones. But then you know Toppin, she gets anxious around anything that doesn’t a have barcode and slot to swipe her credit card.

Photo: So wait; Minister Two Pull really watch that video and say is not he?! They have no mirrors in his house or what?!
Photo: So wait; Minister Two Pull really watch that video and say is not he?!
They have no mirrors in his house or what?!

Anyway, I conducted a survey of Wired868’s core readership and both of them felt the Government has strayed too far from the people; and Ministers don’t look like people you would want to have a drink with.

Lincoln Douglas would probably bring along two dozen friends and demand you feed all of them and the Prime Minister would empty your Cabinet for sure.

I have the perfect antidote.

We get Ministers doing regular everyday stuff with constituents. For my pilot, I say we invite Chandresh Sharma to Grand Bazaar and, unknown to him, put our cameras in the backseat of his vehicle. It is sure to give the PP that push in ratings they have been looking for.

Or maybe we can send a constituent to the nice, nashy little boy in the Ministry of the People. She can ask him for a house and we can show how helpful and approachable Ministers can be to their disadvantaged workers.

I think we can call it: “How to catch a Minister.”

Photo: Mr Bean is felt to be in-line for a Cabinet position.
Photo: Mr Bean is felt to be in-line for a Cabinet position.

From Mr Live Wire to CNMG CEO Ken Ali:

Dear Mr Ali,

Who would have thought that nice “Brahmin boy” could get so vex when you try to straighten his tie? Frankly, I never knew that is how you enrol for a HDC house when they run out of forms…

But I have many more great ideas.

You know how people always complain that those Government big boys sound so stuck up and wooden? Well, I can get rid of that nonsense with this show called “Candid Call.”

What we do is we call a Government official at random and ask them how they think the PP has been doing so far. It will be interesting to hear their honest, non-rehearsed responses.

I say we start with that nice old fellah, Gerald Hadeed…

Photo: The Minister's candid phone call failed to get an "All Ages" screen rating.
Photo: The Minister’s candid phone call failed to get an “All Ages” screen rating.

From Mr Live Wire to CNMG CEO Ken Ali:

Dear Mr Ali,

The only thing Gerry didn’t do is pelt teacups oui. I know he didn’t mean any of that, especially the bit about rats. Because is only snakes that stay close to rats so. And I doubt snake could cuss like that!

Anyway, please hear me out one last time.

What the PP needs is to fire up its base. Those placards helped eh; but we need balance. We want ying with the yang.

Our voters must fall in love with their Ministers and MPs again. And what better than a nice love story to humanise those Ministers and remind people that we are all the same species?

We need a Minister who is not afraid to think outside the box; a dashing and daring fellow. The kind of man who looks at his partner as if she was something to eat.

We are going full Monty on this one. Picture the lush outdoors, a river bubbling in the background, blue skies, a picnic spread.

We can call it “The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name.” You think the AG would do it?

Photo: Okay... Tell me one more time what your Minister thought he was allowed to do at a petting zoo?
Photo: Okay… Tell me one more time what your Minister thought he was allowed to do at a petting zoo?

From Mr Live to CNMG CEO Ken Ali:

Dear Mr Ali,

Olivia Pope couldn’t save that Cabinet. Thank you for your consideration.

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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49 comments

  1. Always good to read again…keep reminding the “sheeple” ANd this same P*****p fella had a long thread about me and a HDC house too… it funny now yes….

  2. 50 viewers! Hahaha….. Please link me when you release these items. Best reading material!

  3. Lasana Liburd you good oye!! 50 viewers I weak …… he did what at a petting zoo ROTFL! !

  4. Lasana, sunday morning I reading this thing, like you doh get rest? Hosted by yours truly eh

  5. Amanda Aguilera-Lobin

    Hahaha. Love the ideas for a show. Keep at them. Lol.

  6. Gaiven Clairmont

    lmfao, on point as usual and yea maybe we should get something or someone to follow these ministers but then again someone seems to be doing that job for us because “these h@%s ain’t loyal” hence all the leaks and public spats, so sad. Most amazing thing though is that the PM’s rating has gone up amid all these scandals (go figure) ah well wouldn’t be long now even though it is interesting the strategy employed by the PP to take out the Doctor in Dr. Keith Rowley’s name

  7. But let us therefore give thanks that other apertures are not opened.

  8. Melville, I used the phrase ‘skinning you teet'” instead of ‘baring your teeth’ because I expected that if I had done so you would have quickly retorted with ” But Philip, all skin teet’ is not laugh.” Your reply suggests that my apprehension was not unfounded.

  9. It could also mean Philip that some people skin over tight.

  10. PS Melville, I can see in my mind’s eye both both you and Rhoda relaxing your facial muscles and skinning you teet’ – aka lyao!

  11. @Melville Foster That Trinidadian ability to laugh which you describe as both a ‘saving grace’ and a character flaw’ is in fact neither. It is the defense mechanism called ‘displacement’ without which, as Rhoda Bharath correctly said, our country would have “gone up in flames long time.” The pent up frustrations and the energies accumulated as a result, find their release or displacement in an intrinsically human substitute channel – laughter. It is an obvious truth that homo sapiens is the only primate whose relaxation of the facial muscles and simultaneous baring of the teeth is not a sign of aggression.

  12. Wait. There is someone else other than me who reads Wired868?

  13. Meanwhile I know what the P*****p fella is full-time. Waiting until my court house cloths get delivered!

  14. I know right. Is either laugh or book your room in St. Anns..

  15. Double edged sword. Without that sense of humour this place gone up in flames long time. Trust and believe.

  16. The saving grace of Trinidadians has been their ability to laugh through “For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
    Th’ oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
    The pangs of despis’d love, the law’s delay,
    The insolence of office, and the spurns
    That patient merit of th’ unworthy takes, ” This trait is also the greatest flaw in the Trini character.

  17. “part-time activist and full-time nuisance “P*****p”
    Lasana Liburd take win!

  18. Gervais everything must be a joke as no matter who is in control there isn’t a consequence to their action……………..

  19. Everything is a joke for Trins.

  20. Let them do the program but pay for the airtime and production. It would reduce the amount tax payers will have to subsidize CNMG.

  21. the controversy man with the plan will outplay himself…all the different personas masquerading as he plays out his hand…2 heads on the same coin

  22. Don’t give up Lasana. You’re on to something here with this plan to increase local content on CNMG.

  23. You mean de minister take two pull, but he din inhale! Wha’ kin’ ah pull is dat!

  24. Lol. “Minister Two Pull my dear…”

  25. Lasana Liburd, this is excellent stuff.

  26. Don’t leave out using a taxpayers’ funded television station.
    People don’t consider that the CNMG is supposed to mirror another State-owned (not State-run!) station called the BBC.

  27. What’s the scandal here? Opposing parties strategising to make themselves look good and the other look bad. We’re surprised by this?

  28. I was unreliably informed that Wade is the mastermind of the discussed doctorate heist!

  29. The problem is they want to think in your box.

  30. Lasana Liburd You going orf or wha”? How you ehn talk about a man who wade troo all dat crap an ehn even leave ah mark self!

  31. Love it. What about a calypso. Phillip my dear….

  32. Has the UNC forgotten how a certain conman turned political activist was cussing and bad talking them just the other day, until he ate ah food.

  33. I’m trying, I’m trying!

  34. he makes me laugh too! very hard!!!

  35. “Nuts landing”? “Deynasty”?

  36. Hahaha. Oh sure…soap opera ideas but then again…

  37. I still think those were pretty good tv ideas though. Just saying…

  38. And part-time activist and full-time nuisance “P*****p” 

    Hahaha……
    Brilliant………

  39. Scotty Ranking

    “with satirical rebuttals to the station’s 50 viewers.” …*ded*