Home / Live Wire / Oh for f*ris sake! Live Wire underwhelmed as AG meets unions, plus Keithos loses ‘dictator membership’

Oh for f*ris sake! Live Wire underwhelmed as AG meets unions, plus Keithos loses ‘dictator membership’

Faris (pronounced far-risk)

Verb: (1) to half-arse a task for the superficial benefit of being seen to do it.

‘When it was her time to wash the wares, Aaliyah farissed them studiously—she left them almost as dirty as they were before.’

Photo: Attorney General Faris Al-Rawi.
(Copyright Office of Parliament 2021)

Noun: a person with a comically disproportionate view of his or her competence.

‘Gyul, he almost electrocute he-self. The damn faris can’t even change batteries in the tv remote, but he trying to rewire house!’

Noun: (2) a job left undone, despite the appearance of industry.

‘I tell de man build de kennel good buh look at the faris the jackarse make! He want the damn thing collapse and kill Zorro?’

Today, the Office of the Attorney General revealed that—in the first significant move since announcing, in everything but name, an impending mandatory vaccine rule for public sector workers—Attorney General and Minister of Legal Affairs Faris Al-Rawi will meet representatives of the country’s various trade unions from 4.30pm in one bleeding meeting.

Photo: OWTU president-general Ancel Roget.

The entities that accepted the invite were the Oilfields Workers Trade Union (OWTU), Trinidad and Tobago Unified Teachers’ Association (TTUTA), Banking Insurance and General Workers’ Union (BIGWU), Communication Workers’ Union (CWU), Amalgamated Workers’ Union (AWU), Contractor and General Workers’ Trade Union (CGWTU), Trinidad and Tobago Postal Workers’ Union (TTPWU), Steel Workers’ Union of Trinidad and Tobago (SWUTT), Fire Services Association (FSA), Prison Officers Association (POA), Industrial, General and Sanitation Workers’ Union (IGSWU), Trinidad and Tobago Registered Nurses Association (TTRNA), Estate Police Association (EPA), All Trinidad General Workers’ Trade Union (ATGWTU), and Aviation Communication and Allied Workers’ Union (ACAWU).

One way or the other, it is bound to be a super-spreader event—even if the AG has learnt what’s in the public health ordinance by now, regarding indoor gatherings.

Maybe, Faris, it is not such a good idea to unite every trade union in the country against you at the same meeting; for the same reason businesses evaluate and dismiss workers individually, and landlords raise rent in the same way.

If Idi Stuart, TTRNA president, was open to compromise before with regards to coaxing nurses into being vaccinated, will that still be the case after he is exposed to OWTU president-general Ancel Roget? And God forbid Watson Duke turns up with a chip on his shoulder the size of Scarborough and more wild, anti-scientific theories than Trevor Sayers and Anna Ramdass combined.

Photo: Did somebody say Faris was on the menu?

What about doing one union at a time, Faris? You could start with those that represent the most easily replaceable workers or those whose workers have the most to lose—and then gather momentum from there.

I mean, after the closure of airlines all over the world, would it be that difficult to attract foreign pilots with vaccination passports if local pilots brakesin the jab? Does it take too long to hire and train new sanitation workers if current staff are suddenly squeamish?

And if more evidence was needed that the AG was treating his most crucial job to date as a government minister in the same slapdash manner he did Legal Notice 183 for the police commissioner, the Cambridge Analytica probe, legislation for early release of ‘low-risk prisoners’ as a Covid preventative measure, arm-wrestling refereeing on ‘Vibes with Voicey’…

Well, Live Wire notes that Al-Rawi’s release did not indicate that Minister of Labour Stephen McClashie was invited, despite the importance of the meeting and the nature of the invited parties. Nor was there an invite for MP and attorney Keith Scotland, whose presence would have ensured there was at least one competent legal mind in the room. 

Photo: Minister of Labour Stephen McClashie is so anonymous, even automatic doors refuse to open for him.
(via Ministry of Labour)

Or he could give Minister of Finance Colm Imbert a chair, just in case any union rep got too smug or chatty for his good.

Or he could take Minister of National Security Fitzgerald Hinds along, in case any of the loafers at the other side of the table want to speak to someone relatable in a government chair…

Jesus, Faris, can’t you take time off Christmas shopping to do your damn job properly for once?

Mr Live Wire thinks the last time that the AG looked remotely capable of fulfilling his duties was when he was holding an umbrella for Machel Montano!

And speaking about focusing on one’s core responsibilities, how is it that the Ministry of Health’s principal medical officer (PMO) Maryam Abdool-Richards has time to serve on state boards when we keep hearing about the health care system being on the verge of collapse?

Sure, it might be legal for her to serve on the Angostura board. But what signal does that send to nurses who are working double-shifts and have been unable to catch their breath for close to two years?

Photo: Sure, the health sector is on the verge of collapse… But won’t that go down better with a dash of Angostura bitters?

During the 1990 insurrection, how many soldiers continued their part-time jobs running snackette and ‘pulling bull’ while their colleagues battled the Jamaat-al-Muslimeen? Is Terrence Deyalsingh’s claim that Trinidad and Tobago is at war with an invisible enemy just empty rhetoric then?

Also, regarding the UNC’s persistent tagging of Prime Minister Dr Keith Rowley as a dictator, maybe it is time to give that nonsense a rest.

Mr Live Wire can imagine the phone call between the principals of China and Trinidad and Tobago, after the Trinidad Express’ reckless and ridiculous story about the (non-)protection offered by the Sinopharm vaccine.

Keithos: […] President Xi, I would have you know that I dealt with that scandalous, reprehensible slur on this emblem of Chinese pride and ingenuity in the sternest possible way.

Xi: Keith, this pleases me greatly. It is important that a leader is feared, even more than he is respected.

Photo: Prime Minister Dr Keith Rowley.
(via Office of the Prime Minister)

Keithos: Thank you, President Xi. I don’t want to brag but, in my country, they call me the ‘Rottweiler’, which is the most dangerous weapon there is here. Just to make sure it stays that way, I’ve given my attorney general the job of steering the Dangerous Dog Act. Trust me, Rottweilers will be biting old ladies and defenceless children for generations to come!

Xi: Well… Our fraternity aims a little higher than old ladies and children; but that’s a start. So what high-handed move did you use from the dictators-r-us handbook? Seized and destroyed laptops at the Express? Ordered Anna to attend a ‘journalism workshop’ at Carrera? Enrolled Omatie for CSEC Integrated Science at Barataria North Secondary?

Keithos: Better that that! I loud dem up on Facebook! Hehehe… Talk bout shares ah get!

(Silence.)

Photo: If ‘steups’ was a person…

Keithos: […] President Xi? Xi? Yuh dey?

 

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About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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  1. Sounds good