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Scene: Office of Minister of National Security
Date: Sometime in July 2012
Phone rings.
National Security Minister Jack Warner: “Good afternoon, you’re through to Miami Vice. Hahahaha.”
Acting Police Commissioner Stephen Williams: “Minister Warner? Minister Warner, I must talk to you immediately.”
Warner: “Yes Stephen, what’s all the excitement about?”
Williams: “Minister, I’ve just received information that there is a gang operating in the Santa Rosa area, armed to the teeth and driving around in X-Trails.”
Warner: “I’m not surprised. X-Trails seem to be very popular with gangs these days, although I think the leaders are probably whizzing round in X5s or Range Rovers.”
Williams: “Yes, but these guys are pretending to be police.”
Warner: “When you say ‘pretending to be police’ are you suggesting this gang is liming in bars all evening and taking bribes from other criminals?”
Williams: “Worse than that. They’re telling people that they are the Flying Squad. Imagine the audacity of that! It’s bad enough masquerading as policemen but re-inventing a notorious police unit is sheer arrogance.”
Warner: “Stephen, I hear rumours like this all the time. Ignore it and get some proper police work done. Organise a raid at the Beetham or somewhere.”
Williams: “No Minister, this is more than just a rumour. They’ve obtained vehicles from one of our suppliers and they have an office. I’ve even been told that they have provided intelligence about marijuana fields and the whereabouts of wanted murderers. I imagine they are doing this to clear the field for their own criminal activities.”
Warner: “Well, there you go Stephen. They don’t sound like a bad lot. In fact, they appear to be helping you.”
Williams: “Mr Warner, you don’t know anything about this do you? I mean, are you involved in this Flying Squad at all?”
Warner: “Williams, what are you implying? I know nothing about any Flying Squad and I’ve never met Mr Cordner.”
Williams: “Mr Cordner?”
Warner: “Yes, well, erm Cordner, Smith, Jones, Muhammad or whatever his name might be. Listen Stephen, just go about your duties and ignore this Flying Squad fairytale. If I wanted to form a new police unit, you’d be the first to know. Now, let’s forget we ever had this conversation. Goodbye.”
Scene: Office of Minister of National Security
Date: Sometime in February 2013
Phone rings.
Warner: “Good afternoon. The name is Warner. Jack Warner. Hahahaha.”
Williams: “Minister Warner?”
Warner: “Ah, Stephen, good to hear from you. What can I do you for?”
Williams: “Minister, do you remember the conversation we had last year about a group acting as if it was the Flying Squad?”
Warner: “How can I remember a conversation that never happened, Williams?”
Williams: “But it did happen, Minister. You even told me the name of the man in charge.”
Warner: “Nonsense. Don’t be silly, Williams.”
Williams: “What do you mean? You mentioned Cordner and…”
Warner: “Who is Cordner?”
Williams: “Cordner is a retired police sergeant. It appears that he has been running a gang of former policemen who…”
Warner: “So you’re telling me a gang of former policemen has been operating illegally since last July and you knew about it and did nothing?”
Williams: “Yes… Ehm… No. Not exactly…”
Warner: “Let me get this straight, Mr Acting Commissioner. You don’t mind if I call you Acting right?”
Williams: “Well, it is my title Minister.”
Warner: “It most definitely is eh. Nice that you remember that too… So you mean to tell me that, for the last six months, the Acting Commissioner was unable to track down over 30 guys driving around Santa Rosa in broad daylight in police issue X-Trails? And these men were passing on intelligence to the police and walking in and out of the Ministry’s offices? Is that what you are telling me? I mean, if you couldn’t catch this lot, how anybody could trust you to catch the real criminals who work in complete secrecy? How do you think this will look to the PSC board?”
Williams: “Well, I, erm, I…”
Warner: “Right. Take my advice young fellah. Stop talking about conversations that never happened. You never heard about plausible deniability? Everybody knows that we know. But nobody can prove that we know, even though they know that we know that they know. Do you understand?”
Williams: “Ahmm…”
Warner: “Good. Have a nice day, Stephen.”
Editor’s Note: This column is pure satire and all conversations are faked. No offence is meant at parties named; although they probably deserve it.
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Listen to the music, to me it strikes some kinda note or CORD-ner of some JACK and JAIL story in the making or somebody making ah jail.One man singing ah lullaby the next one singing byebye and HEERAH saying” aye BAI doh cal meh name in dat kuchoor “