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Volney trumps clause 34; Machel law expected

(A deep, mysterious voice offers a monologue)

IN THE FUTURE

 

ONE NATION IS AFFLICTED

 

WITH A NEW KIND OF GOVERNMENT.

 

ONE WOMAN CONTROLS IT ALL.

 

BUT JUDGEMENT IS COMING

 

TO TAKE DOWN AN EMPIRE.

 

HE MUST GO ALL THE WAY UP.

 

HERBERT TWO CHINS IS:

 

JUDGE DREADD

 

COMING TO A CONSTITUENCY NEAR YOU THIS SEPTEMBER

 

SCENE:  Cabinet meeting

Judge:  “I have summoned you here to inform you that I am now in charge.”

Anil: “In charge of what?”

Judge: “Trinidad & Tobago.”

Kamla: “Judge, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but I am Prime Minister, and I call the shots around here.”

Judge: “I’m allowing you to keep the title of Prime Minister, my dear. But I call the shots from now on. According to the law, I, Judge Dreadd, am now in sole control of the Cabinet, the Police and the Armed Forces.”

Photo: Justice Minister Herbert Volney

Fuad:  “What do you mean ‘according to the law?’ What law?”

Judge: “The law that this Cabinet passed last week. The Transfer of Powers Act, 2012.”

Kamla: “What are you talking about? I don’t remember passing any law last week.”

Judge: “Remember I passed around a birthday card for my wife that I asked you all to sign?”

Ganga: “Yes, you said she would love a birthday card from the Cabinet.”

Judge: “Well, that was no birthday card that you signed. That was the Transfer of Powers Act, 2012 that you signed, thus giving your approval to enter it into law.”

Chandresh: “Damn! I thought it was strange to have a 136-page A4 birthday card.”

Winston: “I must admit that when I checked inside to read the greeting, I thought it most unlike any greeting card I’d ever seen. The words didn’t even rhyme!”

Judge: “Yes, my friends, you signed over all powers of the State to me. And you can’t repeal it because Clause 28 states that ‘No laws of Trinidad & Tobago can ever, never ever be repealed.’ So there.”

Kamla: “Listen, Judge. I just have to ask the Minister of National Security and the Attorney General to have you arrested and your dastardly plan will have failed.”

Judge: “Well, try it if you wish but first ask yourself a question: Where are the Minister of National Security and the Attorney General?”

Roodal: “Holy bent judges, PM, where are they? They should be here.”

Judge: “Alas, they will be delayed…..for eternity. Ha ha ha ha. Under my new law, I have given the FBI the right to arrest any T&T citizen in connection with their investigations. Even as we speak, dozens of ex- government ministers and party financiers are being rounded up and shipped to the States for trial.”

Tim: “This is disastrous. Can’t we stop him, Prime Minister?”

Judge: “You can’t stop me now, Tim. I have absolute power. The people won’t laugh at me anymore, they’ll fear me. As for you, my friends, I wager that you’ll all be receiving visits from the FBI in the next few hours.”

PM: “Us? What for? We have done nothing wrong.”

Judge: “Really, Prime Minister? Don’t forget, you have all asked my legal opinion on certain matters. I know where all of the bodies are buried. I have extensive dossiers on all of you. Right now, the FBI is raiding your offices, homes and businesses. They’re studying your hard drives and your phone and bank records. The end is nigh for all of you, except you Stacy, cuz you’re kinda cute and I’m keeping you around.”

Larry: “So this is it? This is the end of the People’s Partnership Government?”

Judge: “Yes, Larry, I’m afraid it’s the end for all governments. As of tomorrow, Port of Spain will no longer be the capital city. St Joseph was this nation’s first capital, and so shall it be again. I told my constituents that I will deliver, and deliver I shall.  The police will be heavily armed at all times; there will be a 5 pm curfew. Every community centre in the country will be converted to a courthouse with a policeman to act as judge. Crime will be a thing of the past.  And the new Attorney General will be Machel Montano. Under my rule, Trinidad and Tobago will be great again.”

Rupert: “Machel Montano? Attorney General?”

Judge: “Come now, Rupert, don’t be daft! Surely even you have heard about Machel law?”

 

Editor’s Note: This column is pure satire and all conversations are faked; no offence is meant at parties named although they probably deserve it

 

About Filbert Street

Filbert Street
Filbert Street is a real columnist who works in a fantasy world that sometimes resembles our own.

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2 comments

  1. Wayyyy this was soo funny..Thank u Wired868 for keeping the humour alive on our Current Affairs…Those jokers need to really make a movie n u do d scripting..LoL

  2. Hilarious! The photo is priceless!