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Scene: PP emergency meeting
Prime Minister: “Gentlemen, and ladies, I think you will all know the reason for this emergency meeting. Following yesterday’s march through the streets, it was clear to me from the television coverage that some of the trees around the Port of Spain savannah are in need of pruning. Therefore, I feel we should call for the immediate resignation of so-called Mayor, Louis Lee Sing.”
Prakash: “But, Prime Minister, shouldn’t we be discussing damage control in the aftermath of the clause 34 debacle? That’s what the march was about.”
PM: “Clause 34? But that was dealt with. Didn’t you hear Anand’s statement? Divorce is the big issue now. Anand said so.”
Prakash: “Yes, I heard the statement. But it didn’t for a moment distract the media or the public. They are still furious. And rash comments by the Minister of Justice didn’t help matters.”
Anil: “Well you didn’t exactly help the cause with your wimpy apology. (In a girl’s voice) ‘I’m so sorry everybody, but it wasn’t my fault, they didn’t tell me about it. Boo-Hoo.’ You just tried to save your own skin.”
PM : “Enough! As Prakash stated, perhaps we need to put this issue to bed. Any ideas?”
Jack: “Let’s threaten to unleash a tsunami that will expose the PNM and all of their dirty dealings.”
Anil: “You already used the tsunami tactic, Jack.”
Jack: “Did I? Well, of course, we can unleash a tidal wave, or a hurricane or a tornado…”
PM: “No, Jack, we can’t use meteorological similes anymore.”
Ganga: “An assassination plot?”
PM: “Done that.”
Devant: “An event worse than the 1990 coup? We don’t say have to explain what we mean… Just say it is due to National Security issues.”
PM: “Done that.”
Suruj: “An international drug war?”
PM: “Done that.”
Vasant: “Human trafficking?”
PM: “Done that”
Emmanuel: “Illegal phone tapping?”
PM: “Done that”
Anand: “Well there must be something. Come on people, be creative.”
Stacy: “We could launch an investigation into international money laundering and have the press focus on white collar criminals instead. I saw a report that says suspect transactions so far this year are higher than the whole of 2011.”
Jack: “Stacy, dear, go and make the coffee, love.”
PM: “Well it looks like we’ll have to stick with divorce. But we need to spice it up a bit.”
Roodal: “How about we say that 85% of all divorces involve a man of African descent?”
Bhoe: “Hmmm… We could connect it to the lawlessness in areas like Lavantille, Beetham, etc. “
PM: “I like it. Link it to poor school attendance and unemployment. I think we have something here, people.”
Larry: “But wait. Isn’t it the job of the government to invest in these areas, provide education and jobs and help people out of the miasma that causes tension in marriages?”
Cabinet: “Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!”
PM: “Larry, bless you, you’re still new to this love, aren’t you? We blame the PNM. We explain that although the divorces are happening now, the problems started under the previous government.”
Herbert: “I think Standard Response 19 will be sufficient, and I quote: ‘Although we see the tragic effects of divorce today, it’s been the systematic lack of investment over the years in the very people the PNM purport to represent, that has resulted in the People’s Partnership government having to deal with this social breakdown.”
PM: “Very good, Herbert. That makes me sound concerned and compassionate. The rabble will love that. Let’s get it written up and send it out… Oh, thanks for the coffee, Stacy.”
Editor’s Note: This column is pure satire and all conversations are faked; no offence is meant at parties named although they probably deserve it
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Please stop publishing such obviously inaccurate articles. If you had really witnessed this meeting you would have reported on the empty rum bottles all over the place.
Although this is fictional, i feel as if it’s so true, which is sad. Keep writing bro