Dem judges mudda can’t (be) serious? Live Wire reviews 2024 Calypso Monarch show

And the 2024 Calypso Monarch crown goes to: Argentina’s Lionel Messi! Who mother can’t believe that one, eh?

Well, actually the TUCO judges had to confine their choice by geography—and, in particular, the 12 calypsonians who crossed the Queen’s Park Savannah stage with mic in hand last night.

And that’s it for my Ted Talk… Trophy please.
Photo: TUCO

So, instead, they opted for the Carnival behemoth, Machel Montano, who—in Soul of Calypso—argued that since calypso birthed soca and he is in fact the modern-day king of soca: “Well, I’d take that crown please; and thanks…”

The judges, bowled over by his sheer aura, capitulated faster than your average West Indies opening batsman

Machel, incidentally, took part in the 2024 Calypso Monarch show because he took the season off from soca to study.

I have a little time before my next assigment… Lemme go and jumbie Karene!
Photo: TUCO

Is becoming the foremost calypsonian on the planet in between submitting book reports something like figuring out the truth about Schrodinger’s cat on your lunch break? That, Karen, is how you storm in style!

Runner-up Karene Asche offered a different spin on it, during the run up to the Dimanche Gras show.

“I think his song is nice, but it’s not a winning song and that is my take on it,” she told the Trinidad Guardian. “[…] Machel get in because of his name.”

Karene Asche performs Caught in a Whirlwind at the Calypso Monarch final on 26 February 2017 at the Queen’s Park Savannah.
The former monarch was a bridesmaid then too.
Photo: Wired868

Fair point? It’s hard not to giggle, though, when Asche’s composition this year was entitled No Excuses—a Christophe Grant-penned calypso that chastises the impoverished for trying to cheat the rigged system and suggests they pull themselves up by the bootstraps instead.

Anybody tell Asche how expensive bootstraps are these days?!

Roderick “Chucky” Gordon rounded off the top three with Charlsie—a calypso that urged Britain’s current monarch to run something to their former colonies before he croaks from cancer.

Mind Chucky ent put something in yuh cup…

It was, the cancer reference apart, a moving and poignant offering. Arguably, the only issue was it took so long before Chucky clarified that he was referring to reparations, King Charles might have already left the building.

“[…] When you have to shoot, shoot; don’t talk.”

The remaining finishers were, in order, Mical Teja (that sweet tune is in everyone’s DNA by now), Helon Francis (one senator you would call “honourable” with no trace of irony—well represented, sir), Stacey Sobers-Abraham (surely from the same awesome, magnetic Tribe as Ella Andall), Aaron Duncan (Character still building, but solid attempt)…

We Representative got the boot from the judges in the Dimanche Gras finals.
Photo: TUCO

Kurt Allen was eighth with De First Investigation, which might require some investigation itself as D Last Bardjohn was spitting fire. Like the judges mistook the Bardjohn for a Bobolee.

Defending monarch Ta’zyah O’Connor was ninth with Focus. But focusing wasn’t his problem, rather his tune lacked an emotional hook.

Dillon Thomas, the Tobago monarch, finished in last place on the night with It Wasn’t Me. Controversially, TUCO allowed Thomas to skip the acid test of the Skinner Park-based Calypso Fiesta—to ensure Tobago had representation in the final.

Wait, Dillon who? We didn’t send he!
Photo: TUCO

The judges responded: It Shouldn’t Have Been He.

But wait… If Thomas placed bottom of the finalists, where did the judges put Mudda Can’t Winston “Gypsy” Peters?

Peters, the NCC chair and a veteran bard, served up a foul-mouthed critique of criminal sons with no trace of humour to avoid indigestion. But, presumably, the judges did not want to be Ungrateful to their indirect (best case scenario) paymaster.

Yuh mudda can’t stand me? Dais allyuh business… Watch out for me in 2025 too!

And in 11th place, inexplicably, was Brian London whose thought-provoking composition, Hell, took a turn in more backsides than a leaked Lester Peltier video (please don’t Google that!) and even put TUCO on blast for not supporting Cro Cro in the wake of his legal defeat to Inshan Ishmael.

London might have a new verse to add, after his treatment by the judges last night.

But the Calypso Monarch show does not start and end with the judges. It is about Trinidad and Tobago’s top exponents of the artform showing off their stuff in front of the nation—many of whom would not have attended a tent this year (or in this millennium).

Machel Montano offers his dissertation on calypso to the TUCO judges.
Photo: TUCO

Calypsos should provide food for thought and offer some reflection of our society: the good, the bad, and the crooked. We got that and more!

By the way, will Machel return to Dimanche Gras in 2025? Or was Calypso just a notch on his bedpost? Asking for a mudda can’t friend…

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About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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12 comments

  1. No matter what, Machel’s presence in a competition always pushes his competition to come better. They grumble about fixed results but always lift their game. I love to see it. When last people debated a Calypso Monarch so? Now if we could only overcome the padampadamfication of Kaiso (for which I blame all the Chalkdust wins) and return to melody.

  2. This is excellent and I applaud this gentleman for bravely addressing this issue. I’m in full agreement.👍🏽👍🏽

  3. Mr Editor, You need not worry. You can be very certain that our ultra-efficient local media will zealously pursue this matter of the possible fixing of the results.

    And will explain how, in a fixed contest, even NCC head Gypsy’s mother can’t believe where he finished.

  4. He should get Queen of England prize too. SMH.

  5. Well, well, well..its called the halo effect.

  6. Well give him king and queen of Carnival, stick fight title, and small, medium, and large band titles. That elementary song.

  7. Gipsy start to trip wat is that AGE

    • I beg to differ with the judges that Mr Montano was the best and that Calypso is Soca and Soca is Calypso! Stage theatrics maybe but certainly not based on content!
      The other contestants had much better lyrics, picong and social commentary!
      Trinidad’s corruption has no bounds, it shows its ugly head at every given opportunity!

    • “Lyrics, picong and social commentary,” my lady?
      Lyrics 30, Melody 30, Rendition 20, Presentation 10, Originality 10.
      Those are the criteria the judges used to assess the performances on the night. Where would you say Machel fell down?
      I should add for perspective that the only Machel song I can name without help is “Big Truck.” . And I am certain that “Soul of Calypso” will be no more memorable than Chalkdust’s winning 2017 number “75 cyar go into 14.” (I don’t remember the official title and in the seven years that have elapsed I have had not a single reminder on the radio or the television.)
      In short, I am neither a Machel fan nor do I think his winning selection is a “hit (typo?) calypso.”
      But when you put yourself in the judges’ seat, you are hard-pressed, I think, to find a different winner…
      …even if the conspiracy theorists are right and the result was pre-ordained!

  8. This was absolutely brilliant. I loved every word.

  9. Brilliantly written! 😃

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