Piggy, pussy and politics: Live Wire on Watson Duke’s bizarre local govt campaign launch

If you know you lack the muscle to handle the weight of a woman’s expectation, sometimes it is best to say upfront: I cyah make, darling. You’re not helping anyone when you take the keys to a Heavy T van when you know full well that you’re accustomed to riding bicycle.

But enough of Machel’s underwhelming attempt at catching practice with the curvaceous Destra Garcia. (Like “Boy Boy” didn’t hear about the fellah in Belize still missing half of his pelvis?!)

Age ketches up with us all, hoss…
(via Machel Montano Facebook page)

Mr Live Wire has no time for such trifling bacchanal. Not after PDP political leader Watson Solomon Duke just made the most talked about local campaign election launch of all time.

Time for Jada Pinkett-Smith to park up her red table, oui. This was Entanglements on Viagra and pacro water!

Duke, it turns out, intends to contest a flurry of seats in Port of Spain and its environs—from St James to Belmont. And he wants your vote.

His pitch, though, was just a tad… meandering. Like if your Port of Spain – San Fernando taxi driver said he was going to take a shortcut: through Blanchisseuse.

All Live Wire can say is buckle up, and have plenty hand sanitizer!

Former PDP deputy political leader Kezel Jackson (right) resigned from the party on Wednesday with a jab at leader Watson Duke (left).
And then the fight started…

So how do you cut through a news cycle dominated by Nessa Preppy’s acapella rendition of Dy Mood, Udecott’s decision to turn the famous Skinner Park football ground into a small goal venue, and the Office of the Attorney General playing hide and seek with a file that cost the state TT$20m?

Elementary to my Dear Watson. The feisty trade unionist-cum-politician-cum-overworked little piggy opened with an extraordinary tale of his own tortured recent life as a sex slave at the hands of his own recently retired deputy political leader, Kezel Jackson.

“After a hug, then came a kiss. After a kiss, she hold mih hand, then started to engage in sexual activities—with me,” said Duke, during his Facebook live. “I couldn’t fight, I couldn’t say anything because I am on a rape charge…”

The alleged raperman got raped? At his own PDP office?

Did Trinidad and Tobago just get #Metoo’d?!

Actor Ving Rhames plays the role of Watson Duke in the retelling of his relationship with former deputy, Kezel Jackson…

“I don’t like women to force themselves on me,” said the politician on bail for rape—without a trace of irony.

Go figure.

“She say she in love with me and every day she want to see me so bad—and is sex after sex, oh gosh I fed up,” he said, while simultaneously insisting that he was sexually fulfilled by his long-suffering wife. “[…] I like a slave…”

As if making light of anguish suffered by sexual victims was not enough…

Mr Live Wire’s first instinct was to rush in, wagging the finger of morality at Watson’s preposterous attempt to play the victim while he had sex with his work colleague for months and exchanged romantic declarations.

“[…] Every day she asking me: you love me? What I go say? I go say no? I cyar say no… I say ‘yeah, um hmmm’…”

The spider and the fly in November 2022… But which is which?

But then it occurred to me—as Duke attempted to segue from “Keza, I don’t want your p*ssy!” to “I want to take Port of Spain from the PNM; I am coming to fight for the people!”, with all the grace of a motorist doing a U-turn on a single lane—that maybe we got the man all wrong.

Watson, after all, is a man trying to breathe life into a party, even as corbeaux recite their grace before meal.

What if the rambunctious Roxborough salesman was cleverly, subconsciously sharing his manifesto with tens of thousands of potential voters on Bacchanal Wednesday?

“[…] You can’t tell she ‘no’ yuh know. She does get vex…”

Vote Watson Duke for honesty til it hurts!

“[…] Kezel was out of control, but I kept all that quiet. If you know Watson Duke properly, I’m a very private man… I ent no tell tell baby…”

Vote Watson Duke for transparency!

PDP political leader and ex-PSA president Watson Duke.

“[…] Eventually she sent home all the staff. I say go ahead, send them home. All the staff went home; and well now in the office, it was just me and she alone…”

Vote Watson Duke for job security!

“[…] She pay (her ex-husband) $20,000 when the month come to do videography by us in the PSA. I ask her dais the worth? She say, yes dais the worth.

“I ent say nothing, I ent quarrelling, because I learning she…”

Vote Watson Duke for unscrupulous procurement practices and responsible stewardship of the people’s money!

“[…] I told her I don’t want to have sex with her. I mean I’m a soldier—if I have to do it I will do it. But I don’t want to do it…”

Vote Watson Duke for decisive leadership!

He’s a bad mudda shut your mouth!

“[…] My piggy don’t have that kind of energy to fight up with woman night and day…”

Vote Watson Duke for tireless representation!

“[…] On two occasions, she spoke about killing somebody. I had to put her down and say: ‘Kezel stop your nonsense. If you do that, how are you going to escape?’…”

Vote Watson Duke for zero tolerance against criminal behaviour—unless you can do it and escape!

“[…] Maybe she is sent to destroy my party. There is […] a local government election coming up very soon and they want to announce it. But to announce it, they must have the PDP in disarray…”

Vote Watson Duke for sound reasoning and a leader who takes responsibility for his own f**k ups!

“[…] I am coming to fight for the people, fight for those in depressed communities,” he said.

PDP political leader Watson Duke (centre) wants to be represent the youth.

It was, simultaneously, hilarious and depressing. Like that bazaar game where the vendor offers a prize if you can guess which of the three cups is hiding the red table tennis ball. Only, this time, he is using transparent cups.

How stupid do you think I am?

Eventually, one assumes the Port of Spain electorate will get the chance to answer that question themselves.

Me too? Not me nah!

Wired868 has provided readers with solid, independent journalism since 2012. And we still need your support! If you appreciate our work, please contribute to our efforts.

Support Independent Journalism

More from Wired868
Dem judges mudda can’t (be) serious? Live Wire reviews 2024 Calypso Monarch show

And the 2024 Calypso Monarch crown goes to: Argentina’s Lionel Messi! Who mother can’t believe that one, eh? Well, actually Read more

Missing the Faris for the trees? Mr Live Wire gets another political lecture from a mysterious man

(Scene: A dapper gentleman examines a humble lodging with notable admiration.) FAR: I love the more intimate office space, boss. Read more

Protesters push back against ‘little prick’; Live Wire alarmed as tension boils over at QPS

On the eve of the Government’s scheduled launch of its Public Sector and Public Service Vaccination programme, protesters, led by Read more

Live Wire sheds a tear as Minister of Hypocrisy uses time-travel to join Boxing Day boat party

24 December: The Ministry of Health urges citizens to ‘keep the festivities at home this year’ and ‘celebrate responsibly within Read more

Anyone for ‘Covid roulette’? Live Wire has an uncomfortable experience on Scoon’s ‘pleasure boat’

During the height of the Covid-19 pandemic and with Trinidad and Tobago recording an average of 23 deaths a day, Read more

Live Wire: US police, not Lifetime, picks up alleged murder plot from Guardian columnist, Hadeed

Trinidad Express editorial writer: I’m so bad-arse that despite criticism from the Pan American Health Organization (PAHO), the Chinese embassy, Read more

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

Check Also

Dem judges mudda can’t (be) serious? Live Wire reviews 2024 Calypso Monarch show

And the 2024 Calypso Monarch crown goes to: Argentina’s Lionel Messi! Who mother can’t believe …

6 comments

  1. Just to put a very fine point on it, I have no sympathies for those who live in the path of Duke’s Follies… as the saying goes, “they look for that”. People should feel pain for stupidity. There has been enough about Duke in the public domain for years for people to know better.

    How does the saying go? “People deserve the leaders they vote for”?

  2. Can anyone explain to my satisfaction how it was possible for Duke, a superficial showman if ever there was one, to gain control of the PSA and win the THA elections?? Maybe he is not being overly ambitious in setting his sight on the office of PM of TT!! He will make Donald Trump’s presidency look like the very essence of maturity, purity, sobriety and competence. Imagine that, if you will.

  3. All this from a man who expects us to take him seriously as a political leader and a potential prime minister? This little piggy should have just stayed at home!

  4. Imagine ah man boastin bout dropping the soap in he own office?

  5. Ah, boy, Mr Livewire showing he true political colour at last!

    Happy like Pappy with the red-and-yellow duopoly, he kill the PDP snake in de egg!

  6. Just when you thought you had heard it all. Where leadership and governance is concern the latest Duke saga suggest that we maybe worst off than we had figured. I suppose once the communities these idiots represent are happy with them onloookers like yours truly can only look on in amazement/amusement.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.