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Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

Cable TV for prisoners

The new Santa Rosa prison will be outfitted with cable television which, Prisons Commissioner Martin Martinez explained, is necessary for “reform and rehabilitation.” So prisoners, while awaiting the commencement of conjugal visits, can pass the time keeping up with the Kardashians. Wired868 understands that inmates are especially looking forward to …

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Oops… I did it again

Fabien James, 23, attempted to rob Soca Chutney monarch KI at gunpoint, was himself shot in the process and then was caught lying to the Magistrate as to whether it was his first offence. James apologized and was particularly sorry about being shot. His lawyer suggested the fact that he …

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Warner proposes to Kamla

Embattled Works Minister and ex-FIFA VP Jack Warner declared his undying support for the Prime Minister yesterday and insisted “til death do us part.” Wired868 cannot confirm whether security detail around the PM was immediately trebled; or if this is one of those marriages where neither side wants divorce for …

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Politicians still kicksin

Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar went for comic effect yesterday when she rechristened the Opposition Leader as “Row-lie” while the AG went for a bald joke at Keith Rowley’s expense. Local storyteller Paul Keens Douglas would say the World Comedy Festival should not be worried about competition as everyone knows politicians …

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PP’s sexy politics

Planning and Economy Minister Dr Bhoe Tewarie told the Senate yesterday that the country was just getting the taste of the new “sexuality of leadership” which comes with a female Prime Minister. Wired868 understands that several Parliamentarians blushed, Hazel Brown fainted and the trade unions insisted this proves they were …

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Rowley bares his teeth

Opposition Leader Keith Rowley yesterday told party supporters that the COP was a bunch of hypocrites, criticised “intellectuals” and university teachers for failing the public and slammed the media for printing foolishness. Wired868 understands that Rowley aims to appeal to citizens who miss being barked at by their leaders.

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Police Commissioner’s car-less whisper

The Police Service is reportedly set to return over 300 unmarked rented vehicles, on the instruction of the Police Commissioner, due to high maintenance costs. An unnamed officer claimed the move could leave policemen short of cars and could blow their cover on surveillance missions. Wired868 cannot confirm that the …

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Gibbs’ Hart problem

PSC chairman Ramesh Deosaran complained that Police Commissioner Dwayne Gibbs refused to update the board on the police probe into the Commissioner’s Canadian compatriot Calder Hart and instead asked Deosaran: “What you want this (information) for?” Ex-parliamentarian and social activist Lincoln Mayers is allegedly trying to provoke police action by …

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Don’t tie us up, Rowley

Foreign Affairs Minister Suruj Rambachan has demanded that PNM leader Keith Rowley steps down if his no confidence motion against Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar fails. Rowley, according to Rambachan, had some nerve in questioning the PM’s leadership skills when he cannot even get his party to agree on an appropriate …

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Environmentalist doesn’t appeal to PM

UWI lecturer and environmentalist Wayne Kublalsingh took a large gathering of concerned citizens to the PM’s private residence to “appeal to her sensibility, to her intelligence, her scientific sense and her logic” in relation to the route of the $7.5 billion Point Fortin Highway. Kublalsingh and his entourage left without …

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Hunt on for mysterious calypso financier

Calypso Monarch Duane O’ Connor received $500,000 from TUCO this weekend, which brought his total cash prize up to $1 million for his winning renditions of “The hunt is on” and “Long live calypso.” There is still no word as to the identity of the mysterious donor(s) of half a …

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Jack misses PM’s hang-out

Works Minister and UNC chairman Jack Warner and COP leader Prakash Ramadhar were not invited to Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar’s weekend meeting that was supposedly called to prepare for the PNM’s no confidence motion. Presumably, Warner’s new prop of a hangman’s noose was considered a killjoy. The ex-FIFA VP allegedly …

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