Scene: A haggard figure knocks firmly on a white, wooden door and then sits on the step to catch his breath. Suddenly, the door swings open and sends the visitor catspraddling into a parked car. A mystical figure emerges from behind the door…
Patriot (shaken): Mr Live Wire, I presume?
Live Wire: Who wants to know? Why were you knocking on my door?
Patriot: I have travelled far and wide in search of knowledge.
Live Wire: Here is your first lesson then. When you go knocking on someone’s door, be sure you are ready for the answer.
Patriot: Thank you, oh wise one.
(He scribbles into a pocket sized diary).
Live Wire: What can I do for you?
Patriot: Mr Live Wire, please tell me what is happening to my country. It seems to be getting increasingly difficult to make heads or tales of anything anymore. I feel like I am not getting the full story.
Live Wire: That is because the Trinidad Express is behind a paywall. You have to pay for more than two paragraphs online.
Patriot: Ahmm… No, that is not what I meant. But why would they do that online anyway?
Live Wire: It is called creating your own reality. CCN’s directors still think the Internet is a street in Belmont somewhere and they don’t understand why people won’t pay for newspapers there.
Finance Minister Larry Howai does something similar when he is contemplating oil prices. And Jack Warner does it all the time when he is studying his former Cabinet colleagues’ misdeeds.
Or when President Carmona trying to put a belt on his wife in smart.
Patriot: It is hard to believe what I read in the media sometimes.
Live Wire: You mean you are searching for the “dutty Sancho” tape?
Patriot: What?! No! What?! I mean… What tape are you talking about?
Live Wire: The UNC has a very strict recruitment policy. Sancho scored highly on hypocrisy and greed and, despite treating Central FC’s finances like how Bill Cosby treated his dates, he was so broke at the start of this year that I heard a bailiff was looking for him. So that ticked off the box for incompetence too.
Once he did a demo tape that showed his plan for treating with young national athletes, he was a shoe-in for Sport Minister.
Patriot: You mean the sex tape?
Live Wire: I understand the correct term is “Elite Athletes Assistance Programme” which allows politicians to help themselves to elite athletes, whether for political favours or otherwise. Anil Roberts did it all the time with George Bovell III. And Glenn Ramadharsingh had a similar initiative for constituents who wanted HDC homes.
Patriot: I’m pretty sure the Elite Athletes Assistance Programme is designed to help prepare and reward athletes for success on the field.
Live Wire: Steups. Well, go and ask Jehue Gordon how come he ent get his house yet that the Government promised him for gold in the Moscow World Games, two years ago. Ask him!
But Dwayne Bravo not even sure of a pick on the worst West Indies cricket team of all time; yet he put on a yellow jersey, give Kamla a “high five” and end up with a Humming Bird Gold on Independence Day!
Patriot: Mr Live Wire, I am a patriot. I don’t really want to get into the party politics…
Live Wire: Do patriots close their eyes when they cross the street? Or do they have to look left and right and make a judgment call like everybody else?
Live Wire: Listen, two men broke out of Carrera on Independence Day and sneak back on to the mainland. The men risk a bullet in dey skin, shark bite, Guardia Nacional, Rasta City and Carenage traffic… All of that they do to see if they could vote on September 7. And you’re here telling me about you don’t want to hear about party politics because you’re a patriot?
Patriot: But you yourself talk about Rowley’s inconsistencies regarding the Integrity Commission. And how he criticise Jack and then pick his accomplice, Tim Kee, as PNM treasurer. And is you who tell me bout Faris Al-Rawi’s family property on Alexandria Street that collecting $8.2 million a year in rent from the government although it never get used for a single day and government workers tip toeing around in offices that falling down…
And now you want to tell me about voting?! Nah man, Live Wire. You sounding like a hypocrite dey man!
Live Wire: You raising your voice at me in front my own house? Mind I don’t have you scampering out the road like Raziah Ahmed in San Fernando!
(The two men square off briefly before composure returns).
Patriot: Sorry, Mr Live Wire. I have been on edge recently. If I have a problem with Flow, I can change to Bmobile broadband immediately. If I buy a yogurt from the grocery and reach home and see it’s spoilt, I can get a refund or go to the ombudsman. But who do I complain to when I have a problem with the representation I’m getting from my MP or a Cabinet member?
Live Wire: Just one second…
(He steps inside and returns with a doll).
Live Wire: Okay, hold the doll and show me where your MP touched you.
Patriot: It isn’t just me. It is my country. Everybody’s getting touched up this rounds. Everybody walking around in shame. Mr Live Wire, did we bring this on ourselves? Should we just give up on this whole political game and spoil our ballots like Hamel-Smith said?
Live Wire: Spoil yuh ballot? You think this is a game and you could say “tips play over” on September 8th?! The only way you could spoil your ballot is if you vote for the party that gave Adolphus Daniell $34 million to not teach at Life Sport and then tell nurses it ent have no money;
The party that trying to lock up a woman for supposedly leaking information about unethical behaviour at NGC, but still giving Ish Galbaransingh million dollar contracts;
The party that look the other way when Haiti was bawling for its aid money but happy to use taxpayers’ dollars to pay a Grenadian troll to throw rocks at journalists from under the bridge where she’s living…
Patriot: And what about the PNM?
Live Wire: Listen, if you have a madam who can’t cook to save her life. And she says to you: “doo doo, you want me to put a beef patty in the oven for you, this evening?”
You’re sure there must be something better you could be eating than a damn patty but you have to eat, right? So you grit your teeth and say: “yes, honey.”
Patriot: So you are saying I should make the best of what is available?
Live Wire: Exactly. Between catching gas pains and a beef patty, the choice should be obvious.
Patriot: Thanks Mr Live Wire. I think I understand know what I have to do. Thank you for your time…
Live Wire: Who said I’m finished with you? You’re playing Gypsy or what?! I’m not done.
Patriot: My humble apologies, Mr Live Wire. What other wisdom do you choose to bestow upon me?
Live Wire: So, you eat your beef patty. But you also get some cook books. And you study them and practice in private. You create your own network of people who want more nourishment in their diets…
And then, when you have reached that level of maturity and understanding of what you want and how you can get it, you take over the kitchen yourself and start to give proper directions to the chef.
Patriot: What do you tell the madame?
Live Wire: Patty done!
Patriot: So, we should make the most of the options we have now. But, at the same time, we have to understand our own shortcomings and work to address them. Because that is the only way we can ever truly be satisfied. In other words, the diner must learn to steer the chef. Is that what you mean?
Live Wire: Look, right now my belly is growling. Go back where you come from. I going and eat a food.
Patriot: See you on September 7th!
Live Wire (muffled): I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again…
One day I would like to see an objective blog about this: the PNM since we accepted the offer to govern ourselves, and the UNC since it was born out of desperation for equal representation. What would I like to see in this blog? Hard, cold statistics on how much we lost under the PNM and what was done for the country by the PNM during their years of “serving” ALL the people of this country. Same for NAR/UNC and PPP. Those stats would show the true “lesser of the two evils”. Then I would like to see a 3rd force that COP tried to be come into their own so we could truly say “Patty Done!!!” But for now…I choose to look left when it comes to what was stolen by both Parties and vote for what I can see was done for the country (not necessarily for me)…by either Party. wired868…I challenge you to stack up the two parties by what they did for the country. If you are honest…your sage advice can only point in the direction of the… Peace out bro…vote country on Monday. btw…love your writing style!
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Patty done….lol… I luv it!
“take over the kitchen yourself and start to give proper directions to the chef” … patty done ! ???
Lol patty done!???????
The best way to protest against a sitting government is with your voting finger in my books…
I agree.Give them the finger.
Literally and figuratively …. but it might be two different fingers we are talking about here … hahahahahahahaha
That’s true…and it helps to look objectively at the issues…some people want to claim there was some other choice we had than to vote out this corrupt government…but there was no other way to show them how badly they strayed from decency and integrity…anyone who believes differently is choosing to be blind or smoking a plant like substance.
I weak with this satire! Mr. Live Wire you on point!
Lasana, you can’t seriously not plan to do another Mr. Livewire before elections!!! Sooooo much tata going to flow between now and Monday morning – you have to do one sunday evening in the aftermath of the final rallys!!!! Daiz when the last of the bullshit will flow man!!!!
Lasana yer got my vote :-)!
And mine too. Nothing short of brilli effing ant! But allyuh read today’s Express? The UNC better able to deal with crime than the PNM? Like Nigel re-route all he calls thru the SIa to Siparia.
So, you eat your beef patty. But you also get some cook books. And you study them and practice in private. You create your own network of people who want more nourishment in their diets…Patty done….that WIN
Lol, lol. Very well written, engaging from start to finish and funny too bad…..
Oh my gosh……………..yuh just have to love Wired 868!!!!!
“Spoil yuh ballot? You think this is a game and you could say “tips play over” on September 8th?! The only way you could spoil your ballot is if you vote for the party that gave Adolphus Daniell $34 million to not teach at Life Sport and then tell nurses it ent have no money”.
“The party that look the other way when Haiti was bawling for its aid money but happy to use taxpayers’ dollars to pay a Grenadian troll to throw rocks at journalists from under the bridge where she’s living…” who that boy?
I’d like to give you the answer but I’m not at all feeling that brave, boy …
Good stuff. We all need to choose. Choose wisely…. my people!
Anisha Mohammed a must read ah weak.
I’m fed up of sex tape.Why can’t they go Caura so I can get curry duct tape ?.
“The party that look the other way when Haiti was bawling for its aid money but happy to use taxpayers’ dollars to pay a Grenadian troll to throw rocks at journalists from under the bridge where she’s living…”
You so deserve an award?
This is the best yet???????
“The UNC has a very strict recruitment policy. Sancho scored highly on hypocrisy and greed and, despite treating Central FC’s finances like how Bill Cosby treated his dates, he was so broke at the start of this year that I heard a bailiff was looking for him. So that ticked off the box for incompetence too.”
Well anyway, Patty done! Enjoy!
Lasana Liburd i enjoyed this, and i will be the first to admit the PNM by no stretch of the imagination is perfect but they have put forth, comprehensive, sensible policies that i know the public will hold them to. What has Kamla Persad Bissessar’s government put forward? ‘Kamla has a plan’, don’t ask her what it is, just trust her, even after she facilitated Section 34 for Ish and Steve, even after she refered the cmplaint by the solicitor general concerning major crime involving the AG and his cohorts as it related to fraudulent activities back to the suspect, the AG, trust her even though she made excuses for and protected Anil until it was not possbile to do so any more, knowing about the hundreds of millions given to fund a Carapo deadly gang and 34 million to an ‘educator’ for not even 1 days work, trust her even though up to this week she sanctioned through the AG’s office millions of tax dollars to be squandered, paying 12 million more to eat a King’s meal, lawyers who have been paid almost 1 BILLION with tax dollars, for varying opinions, trust her even though she has lied to you consistently and treated you with the utmost contempt and basically said ‘who vex lorse’. No we have been abused enough come Monday 7th September 2015 we must ALL DO THE RIGHT THING AND RESOUNDINGLY REJECT Kamla and her unfit government.
Lasana Liburd great read as usual. Critical advise about what to do after. For too long too many people’s only intervention is at the poll for a few minutes. The electorate is the elephant in the room. Hope we learn our strength soon. Vote for the lesser of two evils by all means but see the flaw in voting for evil period.
God knows Sav. That was just a bizarre scene from start to finish.
and what about the update on Anika?
lol good stuff as always, but also very sage advice
been real busy
Thanks Indra… Long time no see!
wonderful…good piece as usual
I’m laughing so loud my son watching me like if I crazy oui. “Patty done”
The UNC has a very strict recruitment policy. Sancho scored highly on hypocrisy and greed and, despite treating Central FC’s finances like how Bill Cosby treated his dates, he was so broke at the start of this year that I heard a bailiff was looking for him. So that ticked off the box for incompetence too.
Once he did a demo tape that showed his plan for treating with young national athletes, he was a shoe-in for Sport Minister. Lol
Great article Lasana!
Man…..this is brilliant
Tuesdays are two for one but you must select Mr. Live Wire as one of the sides.
lol thanks for the comic relief and excellent advice! “Patty done!”