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Samba slaughter: PM stumbles into disaster zone as Germany flogs Brazil

Not since the horror trilogy, “Hostel”, has an unsuspecting tourist stumbled into such a mess.

Trinidad and Tobago Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar left Piarco International Airport for Brazil yesterday evening to enjoy today’s 2014 World Cup semifinal match with her grandson. If her grandson happens to be younger than 18, Mr Live Wire thinks it could be a matter for a child welfare agency.

It is hard to overstate the lopsided nature of today’s World Cup clash between hosts Brazil and Germany, in which the five-time champions were mauled 7-1 and trailed by five goals within the first 29 minutes.

Photo: Two Brazilian football fans react to their humiliating semifinal defeat against Germany... And it wasn't even halftime yet! (Copyright AFP 2014/Tasso Marcelo)
Photo: Two Brazilian football fans react to their humiliating semifinal defeat against Germany… And it wasn’t even halftime yet!
(Copyright AFP 2014/Tasso Marcelo)

It’s not just that Grenada put up a better fight against the invading United States army in 1983; there were grannies attacked by armed thugs who held on to their purses for longer than that. Hell, even the West Indies cricket team would not have been down to its tail-enders yet!

Fred, the Brazilian number 9 who couldn’t even score in Room 201 if Machel Montano was his wing-man, was again the target of ire from the Brazil fans, who booed his every touch after the opening half hour.

Fortunately for Fred, he rarely touches the ball anyway.

But what about Brazil coach Luis “Big Phil” Scolari who kept playing him; and who stood by impotently as his team was ripped apart like gift wrapping on Christmas Day?

Scolari could not have done a worse job if he let Persad-Bissessar give the halftime speech.

Credit due to the Germans though who were as ruthless and efficient as ever; minus playmaker Mesut Özil who was as useful as decorative fruit—nice to look at but ultimately unsatisfying.

Miroslav Klose took the opportunity to crown himself as the highest World Cup scorer of all-time with his 16th goal at the senior FIFA tournament. Somehow, Brazilian legend Ronaldo, who he surpassed, will have to muster the nerve to congratulate him tonight.

André Schürrle came off the bench to score a double—his second was a spectacular left-footed drive into the jep nest that drew applause from even the Brazilian supporters—while Toni Kroos also scored twice and Thomas Müllerand Sami Khedira chipped in as well.

Photo: Germany forward André Schürrle (second from right) celebrates after scoring his team's sixth goal in a 7-1 rout over Brazil.   (Copyright AFP 2014/Gabriel Bouys)
Photo: Germany forward André Schürrle (second from right) celebrates after scoring his team’s sixth goal in a 7-1 rout over Brazil.
(Copyright AFP 2014/Gabriel Bouys)

Oscar got Brazil’s lone item in the 90th minute.

Up in the stands, Persad-Bissessar must have wondered what the hell was going on.

Mr Live Wire was unreliably informed that the Prime Minister remarked: “If I wanted to see licks like this, I woulda just read over the THA Election results!”

 

Today’s World Cup action

Germany 7 (Thomas Müller11, Miroslav Klose 23, Toni Kroos 24, 26, Sami Khedira 29,André Schürrle 69, 79), Brazil 1 (Oscar 90)

 

Star of the Day

Germany attacker André Schürrle’s locks are reminiscent of Clint Eastwood’s character in the unforgettable spaghetti western, “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly,” and he would not have been out of place with a smoking gun and a sombrero.

He certainly did not need that famous bit of advice from ‘Tuco’: “When you have to shoot, shoot. Don’t talk.”

 

Villain of the Day

It is hard to choose between the dizzy pair of Dante and Fernandinho or the abject Fred for our anti-hero today.

But Mr Live Wire has opted to give the privilege to Brazil coach Luis Scolari instead for leading his team into an almighty spanking that even the fictional character, Ana, in “Fifty Shades of Grey” would have reported as domestic violence.

Photo: Brazil coach Luiz Felipe Scolari. (Copyright AFP 2014/Vanderlei Almeida)
Photo: Brazil coach Luiz Felipe Scolari.
(Copyright AFP 2014/Vanderlei Almeida)

Scolari has roughly four days left on the job and he probably won’t be expecting a contract extension or any big offers elsewhere anytime soon. After today’s mauling, he probably couldn’t even replace Ashworth Jack at the helm of the TOP.

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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73 comments

  1. Mango waiting for de right time. He coming!

  2. Hutson Charles wow a Strike Squad player on Wired868…nice!

  3. Lasana what happen to mango not hearing from him

  4. na Argentina had many chances 2 score .. but messi wanted 2 do 2much ~~ and he need 2no that~~

  5. Both Argentina and Netherlands could play Germany in the final, & Germany win.

  6. David not sure what you are talking about. Messi is Messi. Are gentian miss chances in overtime. Robben once again missed a guilt edge chance at the death to win the game. Holland always choke. They will never win a World Cup! Congrats to Argentina.

  7. Hmmm i must say netherlands have been weak~ but also ah gain~Messi need’s to stop trying 2play hero..~ smh~~ its a team not messi team man~~ so much time d man cud of pass to the man in front but wanna run in to the defense instead smh

  8. If Netherlands lose on spot kicks, they look for that! I support them but what kinda 90 mins was that?

  9. Lasana we also need a button for those who never support a team but troll back and forth sniping at actual fans prior to matches.

  10. Now the dust has settled, lookin back clearly the best thing about Brazil this world cup, was the singing of their national anthem.

  11. Hats off to Mr. Live Wire…the comedic value in this article is very high…I will leave the speculation on world cup performances to the experts.

  12. Losing Di Maria today is big for argentina, but I see RVP could be out & I’m hearing a rumor that De Jong could be back. If he is back, I expect to see him try and man mark messi all game, like a famous story I once read of Italian Claudio Gentile marking Maradona tirelessly in the 1982 world cup.

    Of course if he does play, he probably can’t be too aggressive because rules have changed in the last 30 years.

    But overall, gonna be a interesting game, expect Argentina to sneak through somehow though. To me Netherlands have exceeded expectations. I always thought they would have fell victim to Chile in the group stage instead of Spain. So Van Gaal’s great tactics have taken them this far.

  13. I need to find theme music for the Fall of Messidonia.

  14. 5-0??!! They best introduce drug testing in Parliament quickly oui! Hahaha

  15. This is pure hindsight talk now, but Scolari should have clearly picked Atletico Madrid defensive pair of Miranda & Luis Felipe instead of Luiz & Marcelo in defense.

    Many of us watch club football every week in recent years and the defensive faults of Luiz, Marcelo, Dante, Alves and Maicon is always on display. At club football they look good because they play with better players. Luiz for example is worst: he not a defender. Mourinho & Rafa Benetiz have been playing him in midfield for about 15 months now – so Scolari missed a trick their.

    Thiago Silva being the best defender in the world, is the man that organises those other him – without him what a killing.

  16. Lasana Liburd The Republic of Messidonia is built on sinking sand aka Group F…they didn’t have any big teams in that group yet they didn’t score much…watch out

  17. Lasana Liburd shussshh~~ leave the critics let them talk~ u do realise the more Argentina show’ there World class pedigree with the Angel an Messi they~ start 2 come harder at Argentina~ ~~ just watch in silence an laugh at them hard~~ lol as u can see even the mighty has fallen lol~~~~~ in there talk lmao~~Uncle Earl lol~ lol.

  18. Messidonia is not built on sand; unlike other sham republics at the World Cup

  19. Lasana Liburd, how much you think Messidonia going down by today?

  20. There will be weeping in Argentina today and it shall not be tears of joy

  21. I understand the rivalry between Brazil n Argentina. After a 7-1 licking. I can’t say much nah. We will recover. It’s Brazil.