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Samba slaughter: PM stumbles into disaster zone as Germany flogs Brazil

Not since the horror trilogy, “Hostel”, has an unsuspecting tourist stumbled into such a mess.

Trinidad and Tobago Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar left Piarco International Airport for Brazil yesterday evening to enjoy today’s 2014 World Cup semifinal match with her grandson. If her grandson happens to be younger than 18, Mr Live Wire thinks it could be a matter for a child welfare agency.

It is hard to overstate the lopsided nature of today’s World Cup clash between hosts Brazil and Germany, in which the five-time champions were mauled 7-1 and trailed by five goals within the first 29 minutes.

Photo: Two Brazilian football fans react to their humiliating semifinal defeat against Germany... And it wasn't even halftime yet! (Copyright AFP 2014/Tasso Marcelo)
Photo: Two Brazilian football fans react to their humiliating semifinal defeat against Germany… And it wasn’t even halftime yet!
(Copyright AFP 2014/Tasso Marcelo)

It’s not just that Grenada put up a better fight against the invading United States army in 1983; there were grannies attacked by armed thugs who held on to their purses for longer than that. Hell, even the West Indies cricket team would not have been down to its tail-enders yet!

Fred, the Brazilian number 9 who couldn’t even score in Room 201 if Machel Montano was his wing-man, was again the target of ire from the Brazil fans, who booed his every touch after the opening half hour.

Fortunately for Fred, he rarely touches the ball anyway.

But what about Brazil coach Luis “Big Phil” Scolari who kept playing him; and who stood by impotently as his team was ripped apart like gift wrapping on Christmas Day?

Scolari could not have done a worse job if he let Persad-Bissessar give the halftime speech.

Credit due to the Germans though who were as ruthless and efficient as ever; minus playmaker Mesut Özil who was as useful as decorative fruit—nice to look at but ultimately unsatisfying.

Miroslav Klose took the opportunity to crown himself as the highest World Cup scorer of all-time with his 16th goal at the senior FIFA tournament. Somehow, Brazilian legend Ronaldo, who he surpassed, will have to muster the nerve to congratulate him tonight.

André Schürrle came off the bench to score a double—his second was a spectacular left-footed drive into the jep nest that drew applause from even the Brazilian supporters—while Toni Kroos also scored twice and Thomas Müllerand Sami Khedira chipped in as well.

Photo: Germany forward André Schürrle (second from right) celebrates after scoring his team's sixth goal in a 7-1 rout over Brazil.   (Copyright AFP 2014/Gabriel Bouys)
Photo: Germany forward André Schürrle (second from right) celebrates after scoring his team’s sixth goal in a 7-1 rout over Brazil.
(Copyright AFP 2014/Gabriel Bouys)

Oscar got Brazil’s lone item in the 90th minute.

Up in the stands, Persad-Bissessar must have wondered what the hell was going on.

Mr Live Wire was unreliably informed that the Prime Minister remarked: “If I wanted to see licks like this, I woulda just read over the THA Election results!”

 

Today’s World Cup action

Germany 7 (Thomas Müller11, Miroslav Klose 23, Toni Kroos 24, 26, Sami Khedira 29,André Schürrle 69, 79), Brazil 1 (Oscar 90)

 

Star of the Day

Germany attacker André Schürrle’s locks are reminiscent of Clint Eastwood’s character in the unforgettable spaghetti western, “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly,” and he would not have been out of place with a smoking gun and a sombrero.

He certainly did not need that famous bit of advice from ‘Tuco’: “When you have to shoot, shoot. Don’t talk.”

 

Villain of the Day

It is hard to choose between the dizzy pair of Dante and Fernandinho or the abject Fred for our anti-hero today.

But Mr Live Wire has opted to give the privilege to Brazil coach Luis Scolari instead for leading his team into an almighty spanking that even the fictional character, Ana, in “Fifty Shades of Grey” would have reported as domestic violence.

Photo: Brazil coach Luiz Felipe Scolari. (Copyright AFP 2014/Vanderlei Almeida)
Photo: Brazil coach Luiz Felipe Scolari.
(Copyright AFP 2014/Vanderlei Almeida)

Scolari has roughly four days left on the job and he probably won’t be expecting a contract extension or any big offers elsewhere anytime soon. After today’s mauling, he probably couldn’t even replace Ashworth Jack at the helm of the TOP.

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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73 comments

  1. Mango waiting for de right time. He coming!

  2. Hutson Charles wow a Strike Squad player on Wired868…nice!

  3. Lasana what happen to mango not hearing from him

  4. na Argentina had many chances 2 score .. but messi wanted 2 do 2much ~~ and he need 2no that~~

  5. Both Argentina and Netherlands could play Germany in the final, & Germany win.

  6. David not sure what you are talking about. Messi is Messi. Are gentian miss chances in overtime. Robben once again missed a guilt edge chance at the death to win the game. Holland always choke. They will never win a World Cup! Congrats to Argentina.

  7. Hmmm i must say netherlands have been weak~ but also ah gain~Messi need’s to stop trying 2play hero..~ smh~~ its a team not messi team man~~ so much time d man cud of pass to the man in front but wanna run in to the defense instead smh

  8. If Netherlands lose on spot kicks, they look for that! I support them but what kinda 90 mins was that?

  9. Lasana we also need a button for those who never support a team but troll back and forth sniping at actual fans prior to matches.

  10. Now the dust has settled, lookin back clearly the best thing about Brazil this world cup, was the singing of their national anthem.

  11. Hats off to Mr. Live Wire…the comedic value in this article is very high…I will leave the speculation on world cup performances to the experts.

  12. Losing Di Maria today is big for argentina, but I see RVP could be out & I’m hearing a rumor that De Jong could be back. If he is back, I expect to see him try and man mark messi all game, like a famous story I once read of Italian Claudio Gentile marking Maradona tirelessly in the 1982 world cup.

    Of course if he does play, he probably can’t be too aggressive because rules have changed in the last 30 years.

    But overall, gonna be a interesting game, expect Argentina to sneak through somehow though. To me Netherlands have exceeded expectations. I always thought they would have fell victim to Chile in the group stage instead of Spain. So Van Gaal’s great tactics have taken them this far.

  13. I need to find theme music for the Fall of Messidonia.

  14. 5-0??!! They best introduce drug testing in Parliament quickly oui! Hahaha

  15. This is pure hindsight talk now, but Scolari should have clearly picked Atletico Madrid defensive pair of Miranda & Luis Felipe instead of Luiz & Marcelo in defense.

    Many of us watch club football every week in recent years and the defensive faults of Luiz, Marcelo, Dante, Alves and Maicon is always on display. At club football they look good because they play with better players. Luiz for example is worst: he not a defender. Mourinho & Rafa Benetiz have been playing him in midfield for about 15 months now – so Scolari missed a trick their.

    Thiago Silva being the best defender in the world, is the man that organises those other him – without him what a killing.

  16. Lasana Liburd The Republic of Messidonia is built on sinking sand aka Group F…they didn’t have any big teams in that group yet they didn’t score much…watch out

  17. Lasana Liburd shussshh~~ leave the critics let them talk~ u do realise the more Argentina show’ there World class pedigree with the Angel an Messi they~ start 2 come harder at Argentina~ ~~ just watch in silence an laugh at them hard~~ lol as u can see even the mighty has fallen lol~~~~~ in there talk lmao~~Uncle Earl lol~ lol.

  18. Messidonia is not built on sand; unlike other sham republics at the World Cup

  19. Lasana Liburd, how much you think Messidonia going down by today?

  20. There will be weeping in Argentina today and it shall not be tears of joy

  21. I understand the rivalry between Brazil n Argentina. After a 7-1 licking. I can’t say much nah. We will recover. It’s Brazil.

  22. Glad to see all those Brazil fans so hyped about today’s game.
    That Dutch panel van heavier than ever. As if seven wasn’t enough; allyuh setting yourselves up for more heartache?

  23. Besides all the wagonist speculation, Scolari is too stubborn and inflexible. Mangers at this level should know that you ignore talent and form at your own peril.

  24. The only grief I carry is for the lack of imagination from a Manager I held high regard other than that I don’t have much of a feeling for a false impression of what should have been a true game of football

  25. Brian Manswell Brazil went out at the same time as Argentina in the last two world cups. But I understand ur grieving.

  26. Yep. My money is on the Dutch. Argentina is a republic of one. They should change their name to Messidonia.

  27. That would be the very last on my list but stranger things have happened Lol

  28. Who knows, he might score SEVEN. Stranger things have happened…very recently lol.

  29. We can talk after today’s game. I hope for your sake Messi either score a goal or set up one otherwise see you on Saturday my friend 🙂

  30. I’m glad you’re seeing a bright side to that savage mauling of the hosts. Hope springs eternal…

  31. Nah this makes it more enjoyable to be playing Argentina for the third place in this World Cup my brudder…..Lol

  32. I’ll allow all the ppl who are saying that they know football and the history of World Cups past and present to continue to talk. If you have an idea of the sport and truly have a love of the game…….. you will understand where this problem started or they can just continue to babble on.

  33. Thanks Kendall I feel much better now! Lol 2018 and beyond

  34. It’s better Brazil got whipped than lose by a 1-0 on a controversial penalty or a referee decision. Either way we won’t hear the end of this. Probably one of the worse defeats in the history of the game when you add up all the factors.

  35. Well this should take the spotlight from Suarez’s insatiable appetite for a while. Horrible performance, but I strongly believe Brazil were under too much pressure from the fans and football viewing public. Eventually they succumbed to it.

  36. You called it early Curtis Charles. Brazil was waiting to be found out. And when i saw Germany shut down France, the writing was on the wall whether Neymar played or not.
    I’m not worried by Netherlands cause Argentina has a better midfield. Once we are disciplined enough not to commit many fouls and we close down the long balls, Messi will find a way.

  37. Kendall I fighting shit talk from minute 12…. and it still going on…lol

  38. Hahaha…i thought they were over-hyped anyway. Didnt really expect them to beat Ze Germans who are usually organized and strategic.

  39. And no Lasana Liburd, I am most definitely not okay.

  40. While you can argue that no side can afford to lose their captain of defence and attack, it doesn’t excuse the poor display today. It almost brought tears to my eyes.

    Scolari got it wrong from the start. Leaving out Felipe Luis, Marquinos, Lucas Moura in favor of Maicon, Fred and Jo was just stupid. He stuck with the old guard as Del Bosque did and was severely punished.

    Brasil were outplayed and outcoached today. Even his insistence to stick with Fred was incomprehensible. He will be fired or resigned after Saturday and we will rebuild. There is a lot of young talent waiting in the wings so take some heart in that my fellow Brasil fans.

    Let’s throw our support with the Dutch now because Argentina cannot be in with a chance to win the World Cup in Brasil. Nothing personal Lasana.

  41. Hahahhahahahha…..Brazil….hahahahahahahah…..I said it over and over again Lasana Liburd . Brazil never had a good test…that was the weakest Brazilian team I’ve ever seen and home advantage really helped them..

  42. yes oui~ ah ready for him lmao~ all d greatest team talk bwahaha ~~ i eh go lie i never laugh so much an roll on ground oui~ this is the greatest brasilian side ever~~ lol~bwahahaha ………oh yes but as i always say Argentina 2014 WC winners lol

  43. Hahahahahahahaha. Lordy, we was trying to cool down the place for the Return of The Earl. Now look how this advantage man come to carry on.

  44. lmao~ an i tellin people Brasil going an lost eh~ but they so wanna live of ah past fluke glory and feel Brasil invisible lol~~~ ohg gad oh ah weak~ where Uncle Earl ah fine he gone missing lmao

  45. Hmmmm it is a great day~~~ lol beautiful.~ greatest worldcup ever~

  46. Not at all. There is a lot for you to be thankful for? Hope is one of them.

  47. Brian my best advice is go and sleep. It must have been a tough evening.

  48. Study that Quarter-Finals is the best Argentina has produced in the last 20 yrs or so up until now before you can talk about Brazil going back to the drawing board and long memories TYVM

  49. Man leave out Lucas Moura….madness!!

  50. …none of that should add up to 7-1. For years Brazil fans have been fueled purely by bluster and long memories, and now the Selecao has been horribly exposed. Back to the drawing board.

  51. Yes it was his fault. Players win matches coaches lose them. But like that though man. I still in shock.

  52. WHERE IS WALDO? SORRY, NOT WALDO, WHERE IN HEAVENS NAME IS EARL MANGO PIERRE?

  53. Gaiven Clairmont

    The fact is at the end of the day this was an over hyped Brazilian team, even I over hyped them after their showing in the Confed Cup last year, they were my favourites to take the crown together with the Germans, Spanish, Belgians and my Italian team. The truth is they don’t have the quality of the former great Brazil teams and rightly deserved to be knocked out like this. They limped through one of the easier groups and struggled in the knock out rounds. If Colombia had been better mentally prepared for their Quarterfinal clash Brazil would’ve been knocked out already (real talk) the fact is their goalkeeper doesn’t play in the top flight of any league, their defenders apart from Thiago Silva (one of the best in the world) and Dani Alves (who lost his place to the pensioner Maicon) they have no real world class defenders, onto the midfield where the likes of Luiz Gustavo, Fernandinho and Paulinho would struggle to make other top class national teams for “Bif Phil” they were almost like untouchables, lmfao and apart from Neymar and Oscar there is no real world class quality going up front. i heard this joke someone made, they said any team that can find a place for Danny Welbeck in their starting 11 needs to go home at the group stages, if that is through what will you say about Fred ????? In the end they were lambs lead to the slaughter, yes top footballing nations are always favourites when they host World Cups but rarely are those teams ready when they host it- Italia 1990, Germany 2006 and now Brazil 2014, these teams (with the exception of the Brazil team of course) were good teams but they didn’t have the icing on the cake as yet, in 2006 Italy had the icing and rightly won a tournament where they boasted world class players in every position, same with here with a German team that just might be willing to not just bake the cake but add the icing on top as well 😉

  54. “Fred, the Brazilian number 9 who couldn’t even score in Room 201 if Machel Montano was his wing-man” – E P I C!!!!! Scolari’s stubbornness cost him, and he apparently saw something in Fred that I am afraid no one in the entire world saw..SMH!!

  55. Lasana as I saw the team selection before the start of World Cup 2014 I was concerned that Jo and Fred was there I asked myself if he picked them what about Alexandre Pato? Even Robinho a player not high on my list but much higher than those two. No Lucas Moura to me a young talent in the mids oh sorry I almost forgot a man who had a gr8 season with Liverpool Coutinho. Scorlari missed the boat before it started to leave port IMHO

  56. Scotty Ranking

    It seems that Kamla is a real blight, yes. Why did she go? Worst T&T-to-Brazil export ever!

  57. Dante resembled one of those cones Pep puts down for training. 🙂

  58. Dante plays for Bayern man a sell out!!!

  59. The PM is a blight! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

  60. Hahaha. Netherlands? You must be as disoriented as Dante! Lol

  61. Yuh kill me with this one…Brasil die hard fan I am, but you had me rolling in the aisle

  62. Of course I am not ok. Rooting for Netherlands now because I sure as hell don’t want Argentina to win the World Cup in Brasil.

  63. Lol. All I know is Germany has probably treated prisoners of war with more compassion than that.

  64. The TTFa might just bring him in for free