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Suspicious Rowley gets spicy

Scene: Manager’s office, a  KFC West PoS branch.

Phone rings.

Manager: “Good morning, KFC, the manager speaking.”

Dr Rowley: “Good morning, Dr Keith Rowley here. I’m calling about the complaint I made last week.”

Manager:  “Hello again, Dr Rowley. What seems to be the problem this time?”

Dr Rowley:  “This time? It’s the same problem, sir.  I have no satisfaction from you.”

Manager:  “But, Dr Rowley, I fired the person you complained about.”

Dr Rowley:  “Yes, but it wasn’t just the man who served me. What about the shift manager? This couldn’t just be the work of one person. I was totally misled.”

Photo: Opposition Leader Dr Keith Rowley
(Courtesy Jyoti Communication)

Manager:  “Sir, if I remember correctly, your complaint was that you ordered a two-piece spicy chicken meal and you received an original chicken meal. You insisted that the person who served you be sacked. I promised to investigate and informed you that it was a simple error.”

Dr Rowley:  “Ha, a simple error, you say? This was a pre-planned conspiracy to subvert my rights as a customer. There were only two spicy meals left and the server wanted them for his two friends behind me in the queue. The server clearly duped me into thinking that I was receiving an item 34 which is what I ordered. It was only when I reached my vehicle and began to share what I had ordered with my family that I realised that the server had pulled a fast one.”

Manager: “Dr Rowley, after you and your friends marched from the Independence Square store to this one and parked your music truck in our car park, I bowed to your request and fired the employee. What more can I do?”

Dr Rowley: “I told you, you must get rid of Alan, the shift manager. He was not mere accomplice, he was the mastermind.”

Manager: “But Alan didn’t even serve you.  In fact, at 11.15pm, the time you were served, he was actually in my office.”

Dr Rowley: “I remember hearing two former prime ministers once remind the country that it is important to look at who was NOT there at the time anything happens in Parliament. Because Alan was the mastermind, he excused himself at the key moment, leaving the server  to take the blame.”

Manager: “Dr Rowley, aren’t you’re being a little unfair?”

Dr Rowley: “Unfair? You expect me to believe that a shift manager with years of experience cannot tell the difference between original and spicy?”

Manager: “Well, Alan’s area of expertise is sandwiches, not chicken. He’d expect the server  to know.”

Dr Rowley: “Well, an expert in sandwiches not chicken pieces was promoted to shift manager, is that it? Tell me, is it or is it not the responsibility of the shift manager to ensure that every customer gets his or her correct order? After all, you yourself were once a shift manager, so you know the responsibilities of the position – or you should…”

Manager: “Well, I can’t fire Alan. He’s been with me for years. “

Dr Rowley: “You’re ducking your responsibility as usual…”

Manager: “Look, sir, it was a simple error and we corrected it. We cooked up an emergency batch of spicy for you and Alan apologised. What more do you want?”

Dr Rowley: “He didn’t apologise; he just kept going on about being better than Church’s Chicken, Japs and Royal Castle. He never explained how the two guys behind me got spicy after I served original. By the time I realised, it was too late. You can’t retroactively give me spicy. And look at the costs incurred: restarting your fryer, staff having to stay late, and I missed the episode of CSI Miami on TV I was going home to watch. It will take months for that episode to come back.. The damage is irreparable.”

Manager: “I’m sorry but I’ve fired the person responsible and the matter is closed as far as I’m concerned.”

Dr Rowley: “Not as far as I am concerned.  I demand that you fire Alan and resign your position. In 24 hours!  If you don’t, I will stage a national protest outside your store until justice –and not just the Justice Minister – is done.  We aren’t going to let you get away with this; it’s the end for the line for you.”

Manager: “I don’t think so, Dr Rowley. Tomorrow we’re launching a buy-one-get-one-free offer. We’ll see if the people respond to me or to you. Have a nice … Hello? Hello?… Nice day, Dr Rowley.”


Editor’s Note: This column is pure satire and all conversations are faked; no offence is meant at parties named although they probably deserve it


About Filbert Street

Filbert Street
Filbert Street is a real columnist who works in a fantasy world that sometimes resembles our own.

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  1. this article is on point! the goverment running this country like a damn kfc fast food outlet

  2. Well written.
    Too bad it didn’t include the Server offering his resignation and then being fired on TV and being too embarrassed to send his kids to school.