Noble: The killing of our women—a cultural issue we consistently failed to address

“Across the region, approximately 11% of the survey respondents of both sexes reported experience with domestic violence,” the report noted.

For Trinidad and Tobago, the rate was 8.3%. Across the seven Caribbean countries surveyed, the average injury rate for men was 6.7% and 10.7% for women.

Domestic or spousal abuse is a serious issue that impacts more than the adults involved. The children in the home who are witnesses are themselves traumatised.

In October, the nation witnessed a splurge of men killing not only their wives but, in some instances, their children. This experience can lead to more violence in the society.

Kevin Ratiram, president of Rapidfire Kidz Foundation, said: “What about the child that grows up in an environment in which there is domestic violence where he witnesses his father slapping his mother, cuffing her, cursing her, threatening her, degrading her almost daily?

“The sad reality is that when a child grows up in a violent environment, there is a real possibility that he will develop into a violent adult and engage in domestic violence.

“But it even goes beyond that. If his father has no reservations about being violent to his mother, then why should he, the child, have reservations about picking up a gun or a knife and being violent to a total stranger?

“To him, violence is nothing unusual. In fact, to him, it’s the norm.”

This position is consistent with research about the pathways to violence (Liang et al., 2019; Liu et al., 2020). Children exposed to violence as a means to resolve personal and interpersonal problems may have a higher tendency to accept violent norms.

The fight between parents at Cedros forebodes more society-wide distress. How do we reconcile that the two women had gone to the school to meet with the authorities about a bullying situation?

How do we go to a place where one could have a cutlass handy? Or for a male bystander to offer a car jack to the other woman? Incredibly, it took schoolboys to cool the scene!

Can we think of what this incident tells about the homes? When we look at the bullying in our schools and the fighting among our female and male students, where do we think we are headed?

Research literature has shown that poor parenting, characterised by marital conflict and physical abuse, may foster children’s delinquent association (Xia et al, 2018; Manzoni and Schwarzenegger, 2019; Liu et al, 2020). For adolescents exposed to family violence, deviant and violent peers might emerge as a vicarious family.

When an adolescent is associated more with individuals involved in criminal and deviant behaviours or who demonstrate pro-criminal attitudes, he or she is more likely to engage in criminal/deviant behaviour (Akers and Jennings, 2016; Hong et al., 2017).

As Justice Frank Seepersad correctly observed: “It is not a police problem or a court problem; it is a societal problem and requires an all-hands-on-deck approach. The fight must start with education and gender sensitisation and a resetting of misogynistic attitudes that have become culturally entrenched.”

He added that the long-term success of any intervention is: “dependent upon a collaborative and multidimensional approach. This is a WE (the emphasis is his) problem.”

Femicides do not occur in a vacuum; they are the outcome of a society that legitimises violence against women. Our women, coming out of slavery and indentureship, have long been victimised (Brereton, 2010).

It is a cultural issue that we have consistently failed to address. We disparagingly dismiss the effects of our past.

Our religious leaders have misinterpreted the position of men in families to promote a dominance that brooks no dissent. Some men want to put women ‘back into their place’. Women are hounded for speaking out on issues close to them.

The MAGA movement, with its intertwining with the evangelical movement and the limiting of the freedoms of women, is not a foreign problem. Religious doctrine is often used as a justification to denigrate others.

Men who are impulsive and aggressive are more likely to commit domestic violence. (Petty and Dawson, 1989). (This finding can apply to women in our present generation.)

Stark (2007) describes “coercive control” as a strategic form of ongoing oppression and terrorism that invades all arenas of women’s activity. It is akin to a hostage situation where the victim has no outside to escape to.

At its core, it is about “control,” with an abuser micromanaging every aspect of a partner’s life, “from how she cleans, to even which TV shows she watches” until she becomes almost “automated”.

He makes a very significant point: “The equation of abuse with physical force in relationships has helped the domestic violence revolution access a range of professional and political agendas. But it has failed victimised women in critical ways.” (p 85)

He evaluates what he terms “Domestic Violence Inc” and notes that it is critical for us all to rethink the “big-picture” issues.

Gaslighting is a significant tool for abusers. It is a coercive control tactic that shifts the focus of concern from the partner’s abusive behaviour to the supposed emotional and psychological instability of the survivor.

The abusive events are trivialised, and eventually, the victims become confused as they absorb the narrative fed by the abuser. They begin to doubt themselves and become anxious. The children may get involved since they have to play referee and assert what is the truth.

The whole objective is to deflect attention from the abusers and their practices to the victims, who now appear to be paranoid or unbalanced. The attacks on the victims’ self-worth lead them to believe they are not valuable and nobody else would listen to them.

Research on battered women shows that: “women do not remain in battering relationships because of their psychological need to be a victim; but, rather, because of overt or subtle encouragement by a sexist society.” (Walker, 1983)

The victims find it difficult to break free. The sense of helplessness invades everyday living. When our schools and workplaces disempower, the victims struggle to escape their situations.

The process of creating freedom takes time. We must remove the scourge of alcohol and poverty that entraps many homes.

We must acknowledge the impact on the children and the future of society and act accordingly. The presence of domestic or spousal violence is usually accompanied by other forms of violence—sexual abuse, elder abuse and exploitation by persons within and outside of the household. It is a crime that compounds and is infused with shame.

As a society, we must decide whether to be shocked each time a horrendous murder takes place or to take determined action to tackle the root causes. Children grow up to be adults. Damaged children will destroy our country.

Will we take action? Do we want better for our nation’s future?

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