“[…] The way I see it, I relieve [those men] of the boredom in their marriages and relationships with good company and great sex, and in return I’m rewarded with money, gifts and an exciting lifestyle. This career is a bit different from others though as I am both boss and employee. My life revolves around the lives of others. I ‘work’ when the wives and girlfriends are ‘off’ but at the same time, I ‘call the shots’…”
Wired868 highlights the day-to-day lives of everyday Trinbagonians in our ongoing series entitled: ‘A day in the life…’
Today, we speak with a 30-year old woman who describes herself as an ‘outside woman’:
How did you become an ‘outside woman’?
I have never been successful in relationships. No matter what I did, every relationship I got into ended due to infidelity and the most recent one produced illegitimate children. At one point, I felt like somebody went to a bush doctor with my name on a piece of paper. (Laughs.)
I’m laughing now but when that happened, I was depressed for months. I didn’t know myself anymore. Then I met a man at a bar in Point Lisas. He wasn’t my usual pick because he was older but the men my age that time were a waste! Anyway, he bought me any food and drink I wanted that night. He was polite and charming.
We exchanged numbers and met again at a restaurant in San Fernando. Once again, he was the perfect gentleman and wined and dined me. When the night was over, he invited me on another date and that’s when he told me he was married. Surprisingly, that didn’t bother me at all.
The way I saw it, I really had nothing to lose. He was willing to show me the world and all I had to do was open my eyes. No obligations, no commitments. If this is what it took for me to be treated like royalty, then so be it.
And I don’t know if it was some sort of attraction in the universe but probably a month after I met another man at West Mall, he too was married but interested in me. He played the same game. All fun, no commitment required.
Then and there, I made a conscience decision to be an outside woman. The rest is history!
Do you view your lifestyle as a career? How long have been in this role?
I’ve been living like this for about three years. No, I do not have another job because this lifestyle is like a career of its own. A job or a career is a list of daily tasks that you complete in exchange for compensation.
The way I see it, I relieve [those men] of the boredom in their marriages and relationships with good company and great sex, and in return I’m rewarded with money, gifts and an exciting lifestyle. This career is a bit different from others though as I am both boss and employee.
My life revolves around the lives of others. I ‘work’ when the wives and girlfriends are ‘off’ but at the same time, I ‘call the shots’.
Can you describe a normal day in your life?
Well… The first thing some people do when they wake up is pray. Me, I check my phone. I usually have messages or missed calls from at least one of my ‘blessers’ and that determines how I would spend my day. Oh, by the way, I refer to my men as blessers because they continue to bless me with things I could not afford or chose not to splurge on.
[…] If I don’t have any personal commitments, then I just wait around for one of them to invite me out. A typical weekday out with a blesser usually includes shopping, manicures and pedicures, massages, hair appointments, lunch, movies, sex or even just a casual drive. I always opt for the most exciting offer.
Honestly, weekdays are far more exciting than weekends and holidays. During the week, my blessers are able to spend more time with me as their partners are occupied with work and parental duties. It’s also easier for them to steal time away from their jobs and use their families as an excuse to do so.
Weekends and holidays are actually less thrilling. My blessers usually spend that time with their families to keep up appearances of a happy relationship.
Do you mind sharing a few of the personal experiences you have had in this role?
(Chuckles.) Yuh really want to know? […] Just before the pandemic hit, I wanted to get liposuction done on my stomach. One of my blessers, a prominent businessman from Maraval, offered to cover all the expenses. He even flew to Miami with me and helped me through my healing process at the recovery house.
I remember him lying to his wife about having business meetings to attend. Mister Maraval was actually busy taking me to daily lymphatic massages, buying me shapewear and serving me fruits in bed like an Arabian princess.
The spouses of some of these men behave desperate at times. Sometimes, they know about the affairs but choose to bribe their way to a resolution.
One of the first married men I was involved with was a sergeant at a Police Station whose wife was also a police officer. Somehow, she found out about the affair and bought me a Rio straight from Kia’s showroom in hopes that I would cut all ties with her husband.
When I refused to accept the car, she threatened to file false charges and have me arrested. Her threats were just that. So you know how low some are willing to go (Laughs heartily.)
[…] One thing’s for certain, I know who [the other women] are but they don’t know who I am. My blessers feel comfortable sharing personal details about their spouses with me but I don’t encourage it because I am simply not interested in knowing any of those details. Umm, maybe it helps their conscience.
Have you ever been concerned about your safety?
Yes, there was one time a girlfriend of my blesser stole my number from his phone and she began sending me very threatening messages. I didn’t pay it much attention at first but then when she used her authority at the bank to get my personal information, like my previous address, it scared me.
I stayed at a friend’s house for almost a month until that situation sorted itself out. That is, they broke up and he and I ended our affair.
Do you think that, as an outside woman, you have a greater risk of contracting STDs?
No, as it just takes one unprotected sexual encounter for a person to contract an STD. I also take my own precautions by testing regularly and requesting that my blessers do too. Most of them are proactive with testing because they may have several ‘outside women’ and many unguarded sexual encounters.
These men try to lead undetected lifestyles so they are very cautious about things such as pregnancy and STDs.
What relationship advice would you give to your daughter if you had one?
I don’t have any children nor do I have the ambition of being a parent, but if I had a daughter, I would tell her to be careful of whom she commits to. I’ve been a victim of infidelity and I have also witnessed a lot of infidelity.
People just aren’t loyal anymore. Commitments no longer matter.
How do people generally react to you as the ‘outside woman’?
I am the woman other women love to hate. I’ve been called a ‘home-wrecker’ and ‘bad-thing’ amongst many other names. The way I see it, I am not the first of my kind nor would I be the last. I am in no way bothered with people’s opinions of me because I am true to myself.
Trinidad and Tobago is the breeding ground of ‘horning’ so I am certain that many others do the same as me but choose to hide. I choose to live my truth.
Has Covid-19 affected your lifestyle?
This pandemic has taken away some of the spontaneity from my life. I am no longer able to just pack my bags and go on a vacation. Clubs, restaurants and bars aren’t the same anymore, so it affects the dynamic between my blessers and I.
We have to resort to local hotels and guesthouses. We would usually frequent casinos but the constant lockdowns are making it hard for us. It is also easier for us to get caught by their wives because of limitations to places we visit.
Do you have any regrets about your lifestyle? If you had to start all over again, would you take the same road?
I have absolutely no regrets. Furthermore, my lifestyle has afforded me many things that the average person cannot obtain with a regular 8am-4pm job. Yes, there are times when certain situations get tricky but if I had to push the reset button, I would not. It may sound strange because of the circumstances but I’ve met some great men in this lifestyle. They take good care of me.
I have travelled to different countries, I wear brand name clothing and shoes, I have lots of expensive hair and jewellery, I have my own car and home that are financed for me.
Men always want more, they are never satisfied. Even if I lose one blesser today, I can find myself another one, two or three in no time. I have no desire for marriage.
Being an outside woman is fun and I have no qualms about continuing this lifestyle for the rest of my days. You’d only want different if you have never lived like me.
Editor’s Note: Click HERE as Columnist Jessica Joseph examines the modern concept of monogamy, sex work and the role of the ‘side-piece’, in the wake of Wired868’s proud ‘Outside Woman’.
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