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Mr Live Wire: You’re too politically wound-up when…

Last week, a 62-year-old woman decided to go to an all-inclusive party after work. That grandmother also turned out to be the Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago.

Cue pandemonium on Faceboook.

Photo: Trinidad and Tobago Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar. (Copyright AFP 2014/Frederic Dubray)
Photo: Trinidad and Tobago Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar.
(Copyright AFP 2014/Frederic Dubray)

According to who you listened to, Kamla Persad-Bissessar should have been: at work trying to raise the price of oil by concentrating really hard, out trying to catch murderers, flogging errant Cabinet members including herself or at least doing something considerably less fun like listening to old Suruj Rambachan or Winston Dookeran speeches.

And, at this time, Mr Live Wire feels it necessary to make a public service announcement to the tens of thousands of Trinidad and Tobago citizens who are in danger of rising blood pressure in this general election year:

Chill to $%@$ out, people!

Yes, the Prime Minister was dressed like the Wicked Witch of the East in The Wizard of Oz at a fete last week. And, yes, her presence there offered no ostensible benefit to the public.

But Live Wire would like to remind readers that, despite the salacious stories of nipple tweaking, crotch grabbing and breast fondling, the present Cabinet is much less harmful to the national good when they are on their private time.

If Anand Ramlogan and Herbert Volney were out grooving on Independence Day night in 2012, for instance, we might never have had the scandal of Section 34.

The People’s Partnership government has already set a new record for how many blunders and scandals can be committed in one term. Persad-Bissessar’s motley crew is not so much the Usain Bolt of mismanagement as it is the Ben Johnson of corrupt governance.

However, when people are frothing at the mouth because a group of mostly geeky, middle-aged Trinis decide to spend a few hours at an all-inclusive fete in the midst of the Carnival season, you know it is time to advise readers to pace themselves.

Photo: So a doctor slapped me right after I was born? Fuad Khan nah?!
Photo: So a doctor slapped me right after I was born? Fuad Khan nah?!

So Mr Live Wire has drawn up some warning signs to look out for. You know that you’re too politically wound up when:

A bully called your little popo names in school and you demand the resignation of the Minister of Education;

The computer repairman found spyware on your laptop and you’re convinced Anand snuck into your house and planted it himself;

You stopped wearing your Brazil football jersey because it’s yellow;

You’re peeping to see how much a Minister drinking at a fete but you can barely see straight since you overtook ‘tipsy’ about eight drinks ago;

Your favourite superhero is no longer Spiderman;

You think Trotters should name a sandwich after Gary Griffith;

You get symptoms for road rage whenever you read a Facebook post from Ian Gooding or Kenroy Ambris;

You sneak into UNC chat rooms hoping to discover their new plans to safeguard Ish and Steve;

You’re convinced the Government has put a hit out on your life because you know too much;

You believe Roodal Moonilal is an evil genius, or a genius of any kind;

You think Brent Sancho scored an own goal at the 2006 World Cup because the PP wanted him to embarrass Jack Warner and the then PNM Government;

You’ve started drawing up a list of Ministerial candidates for Keith Rowley;

You think Patrick Manning is a sage because as political leader he said the head of the other party is awful;

Photo: I told you I was the only person capable of running this country...
Photo: I told you I was the only person capable of running this country…

You’ve started brushing your teeth with the tap running because a Minister said to conserve water;

You think the rest of the world gets alerts about Trinidad and Tobago’s politics and you’re too embarrassed to travel;

You refuse to order goat roti;

You’re convinced that the Government will try to make every month 361 days long this year;

You think Glenn Ramadharsingh intentionally groped a flight attendant to distract you from something much more sinister behind the scenes;

You’re suspicious of George Bovell III;

You’re convinced that Kamla sabotaged oil prices and you’re just trying to figure out why;

At the same time, you’re afraid oil prices rise because you think it will play right into the Government’s hands;

You think everyone on the other side is a racist, fanatical, party loyalist and you try to counteract that by encouraging all your friends to vote for the party of your race no matter what—and you don’t see the irony…

Let’s dismantle corrupt governance but not each other in 2015!

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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89 comments

  1. Pretty much no change Sim Simmer. But the U.S. case for extradition is here.

  2. Is that Jack Warner in the photo? Any update on his extradition?

  3. Well, not when they’re apparently using the police to help them cover it up.

  4. “But Live Wire would like to remind readers that, despite the salacious stories of nipple tweaking, crotch grabbing and breast fondling, the present Cabinet is much less harmful to the national good when they are on their private time”

    I ain’t too sure about that nah!

  5. The lady might just be living out her childhood fantasies, right ? We all have “that little child in us ” ; don’t we ?? But she’s over-doing it , I agree…with all the mess around and all ! 🙂

  6. Well, if the PM chooses to dress like a clown and not wear something befitting her status, then what do you expect? Reema was criticised for her choice of wear as well. They have all been acting like clowns for the past four and a half years, and now the PM chooses to dress like one. What can I say?

  7. You are too politically wound up when you resort to snide remarks at the Prime minister’s choice of dress for all things but a carnival fete.

  8. *chikungunya*! Kimakonde word. No fowl/”chikens” in there! 🙂

  9. Alyuh wanted diversity, well she broight it. The woman wear a Halloween costume to a Carnival fete yes…steupse…

  10. Someone said shoe, but is that really a shoe ? It looks like a pair of flip flops for a walrus or sumn; I can’t figure it out.

  11. you know you’re too politically wound up when the PM is dressed to impress and you compare her outfit to Big Bird’s costume.

  12. Mello, yuh ketch meh dey. I initially thought nothing of your post, but when taken in context of the post before it. It’s hilarious.

  13. I wasn’t looking at all,Savitri.

  14. well lol. look here:
    “you are too politically wound up if…”

    That is the greatest fkg line.
    copyright that shit before i do
    or get on stage with a whole repertoire before i do..using that line

  15. Surprised you din see that before Melville, like you wasn’t looking properly

  16. Danielle, it’s the arthritic knees that killing me, yes

  17. Boy Lasana, sometimes I have to switch off yes….d madness driving me mad too

  18. You’re too politically wound up if you’re comparing Ruth Marchan to Snowden…

  19. Wade Mark’s surname should be replaced with an X. And my favorite curry is Goat. Think Kamla had a bad dress day. Sorry!! A horrible dressed day. Maybe she called Rheem’s for advice. Think the sneakers were for her in case she speedily had to handle another crisis. But then again the outfit was the crisis. Lol. Good one Lasana.

  20. Allyuh too damn jealous!…I see they comparing her to Hollywood stars, yes

  21. Let us not forget, when dwelling upon what is appropriate,that age is just a number .Especially if you may go to jail.

  22. So a doctor slapped me right after I was born? Fuad Khan nah?! Bwahaha!

    Let’s dismantle corrupt governance but not each other in 2015!

    So true eh!