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Mr Live Wire: You’re too politically wound-up when…

Last week, a 62-year-old woman decided to go to an all-inclusive party after work. That grandmother also turned out to be the Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago.

Cue pandemonium on Faceboook.

Photo: Trinidad and Tobago Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar. (Copyright AFP 2014/Frederic Dubray)
Photo: Trinidad and Tobago Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar.
(Copyright AFP 2014/Frederic Dubray)

According to who you listened to, Kamla Persad-Bissessar should have been: at work trying to raise the price of oil by concentrating really hard, out trying to catch murderers, flogging errant Cabinet members including herself or at least doing something considerably less fun like listening to old Suruj Rambachan or Winston Dookeran speeches.

And, at this time, Mr Live Wire feels it necessary to make a public service announcement to the tens of thousands of Trinidad and Tobago citizens who are in danger of rising blood pressure in this general election year:

Chill to $%@$ out, people!

Yes, the Prime Minister was dressed like the Wicked Witch of the East in The Wizard of Oz at a fete last week. And, yes, her presence there offered no ostensible benefit to the public.

But Live Wire would like to remind readers that, despite the salacious stories of nipple tweaking, crotch grabbing and breast fondling, the present Cabinet is much less harmful to the national good when they are on their private time.

If Anand Ramlogan and Herbert Volney were out grooving on Independence Day night in 2012, for instance, we might never have had the scandal of Section 34.

The People’s Partnership government has already set a new record for how many blunders and scandals can be committed in one term. Persad-Bissessar’s motley crew is not so much the Usain Bolt of mismanagement as it is the Ben Johnson of corrupt governance.

However, when people are frothing at the mouth because a group of mostly geeky, middle-aged Trinis decide to spend a few hours at an all-inclusive fete in the midst of the Carnival season, you know it is time to advise readers to pace themselves.

Photo: So a doctor slapped me right after I was born? Fuad Khan nah?!
Photo: So a doctor slapped me right after I was born? Fuad Khan nah?!

So Mr Live Wire has drawn up some warning signs to look out for. You know that you’re too politically wound up when:

A bully called your little popo names in school and you demand the resignation of the Minister of Education;

The computer repairman found spyware on your laptop and you’re convinced Anand snuck into your house and planted it himself;

You stopped wearing your Brazil football jersey because it’s yellow;

You’re peeping to see how much a Minister drinking at a fete but you can barely see straight since you overtook ‘tipsy’ about eight drinks ago;

Your favourite superhero is no longer Spiderman;

You think Trotters should name a sandwich after Gary Griffith;

You get symptoms for road rage whenever you read a Facebook post from Ian Gooding or Kenroy Ambris;

You sneak into UNC chat rooms hoping to discover their new plans to safeguard Ish and Steve;

You’re convinced the Government has put a hit out on your life because you know too much;

You believe Roodal Moonilal is an evil genius, or a genius of any kind;

You think Brent Sancho scored an own goal at the 2006 World Cup because the PP wanted him to embarrass Jack Warner and the then PNM Government;

You’ve started drawing up a list of Ministerial candidates for Keith Rowley;

You think Patrick Manning is a sage because as political leader he said the head of the other party is awful;

Photo: I told you I was the only person capable of running this country...
Photo: I told you I was the only person capable of running this country…

You’ve started brushing your teeth with the tap running because a Minister said to conserve water;

You think the rest of the world gets alerts about Trinidad and Tobago’s politics and you’re too embarrassed to travel;

You refuse to order goat roti;

You’re convinced that the Government will try to make every month 361 days long this year;

You think Glenn Ramadharsingh intentionally groped a flight attendant to distract you from something much more sinister behind the scenes;

You’re suspicious of George Bovell III;

You’re convinced that Kamla sabotaged oil prices and you’re just trying to figure out why;

At the same time, you’re afraid oil prices rise because you think it will play right into the Government’s hands;

You think everyone on the other side is a racist, fanatical, party loyalist and you try to counteract that by encouraging all your friends to vote for the party of your race no matter what—and you don’t see the irony…

Let’s dismantle corrupt governance but not each other in 2015!

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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89 comments

  1. Pretty much no change Sim Simmer. But the U.S. case for extradition is here.

  2. Is that Jack Warner in the photo? Any update on his extradition?

  3. Well, not when they’re apparently using the police to help them cover it up.

  4. “But Live Wire would like to remind readers that, despite the salacious stories of nipple tweaking, crotch grabbing and breast fondling, the present Cabinet is much less harmful to the national good when they are on their private time”

    I ain’t too sure about that nah!

  5. The lady might just be living out her childhood fantasies, right ? We all have “that little child in us ” ; don’t we ?? But she’s over-doing it , I agree…with all the mess around and all ! 🙂

  6. Well, if the PM chooses to dress like a clown and not wear something befitting her status, then what do you expect? Reema was criticised for her choice of wear as well. They have all been acting like clowns for the past four and a half years, and now the PM chooses to dress like one. What can I say?

  7. You are too politically wound up when you resort to snide remarks at the Prime minister’s choice of dress for all things but a carnival fete.

  8. *chikungunya*! Kimakonde word. No fowl/”chikens” in there! 🙂

  9. Alyuh wanted diversity, well she broight it. The woman wear a Halloween costume to a Carnival fete yes…steupse…

  10. Someone said shoe, but is that really a shoe ? It looks like a pair of flip flops for a walrus or sumn; I can’t figure it out.

  11. you know you’re too politically wound up when the PM is dressed to impress and you compare her outfit to Big Bird’s costume.

  12. Mello, yuh ketch meh dey. I initially thought nothing of your post, but when taken in context of the post before it. It’s hilarious.

  13. I wasn’t looking at all,Savitri.

  14. well lol. look here:
    “you are too politically wound up if…”

    That is the greatest fkg line.
    copyright that shit before i do
    or get on stage with a whole repertoire before i do..using that line

  15. Surprised you din see that before Melville, like you wasn’t looking properly

  16. Danielle, it’s the arthritic knees that killing me, yes

  17. Boy Lasana, sometimes I have to switch off yes….d madness driving me mad too

  18. You’re too politically wound up if you’re comparing Ruth Marchan to Snowden…

  19. Wade Mark’s surname should be replaced with an X. And my favorite curry is Goat. Think Kamla had a bad dress day. Sorry!! A horrible dressed day. Maybe she called Rheem’s for advice. Think the sneakers were for her in case she speedily had to handle another crisis. But then again the outfit was the crisis. Lol. Good one Lasana.

  20. Allyuh too damn jealous!…I see they comparing her to Hollywood stars, yes

  21. Let us not forget, when dwelling upon what is appropriate,that age is just a number .Especially if you may go to jail.

  22. So a doctor slapped me right after I was born? Fuad Khan nah?! Bwahaha!

    Let’s dismantle corrupt governance but not each other in 2015!

    So true eh!

  23. You’re too politically wound up if you think Wade Mark is the local answer to Machiavelli.

  24. I think you’re too politically wound up when you think the government has an insidious master plan.
    It csn actually be better described as an insidious master vaps!

  25. Lol. If Trinis could be distracted so easily, she would wear a red nose three times a week I think.

  26. Someone added that: You think anyone who didn’t sing about politics should be disqualified from the Calypso Fiesta. Lol

  27. Here are two more: You think Ruth Marchan is deep;
    You think Kamla DELIBERATELY dressed like the wicked witch of the east so people will stop talking about the AG…

  28. well, she could attend a fete or two because it’s the thing to do in this silly season, but come nah man, focus on what’s important. Like the fact that outfit was awful and did more PR damage than anything she could have said or done at that fete otherwise. At least she left the LVs home this year…

  29. The ones who sang about the government’s misdeeds, eh make de finals.

  30. Mr. Lasana Liburd, LOL but let me inform you that Trinis doh get symptoms of anything especially road rage. They get the full attack especially if they dont like you or you resemble someone they dont like.
    I will have to watch myself when im on the street but you safe because of your political affiliation.

  31. You felt people who didn’t sing about politics should not have sung in Calypso Fiesta 🙂

  32. Don’t order the goat roti

  33. I agree though. Too much intensity too early, whoever you support. And the real campaign hysteria hasn’t started yet!

  34. My name is Pat, and I order goat roti whenever it’s on the menu. Please don’t hate me! 😀

  35. “You refuse to order goat roti .” – Arrrrrsse! Flat lined!

  36. I especially enjoyed the shout out to my favourite troll Ian Gooding myself. 🙂

  37. “Persad-Bissessar’s motley crew is not so much the Usain Bolt of mismanagement as it is the Ben Johnson of corrupt governance.” My favourite in this article.

  38. It is hard to know where to check sometimes. But we have no choice I suppose.

  39. There are also many qualified quacks as well – not every professional with a degree is competent. You have to do your due diligence. I would never use a doctor without checking him out first.

  40. It concerns me especially when I’m putting my children in that person’s care.

  41. Nothing new in that Greer and it happens everywhere.

  42. My fear was that with so many ppl being caught with fraudulent documents on their qualifications who knows which professionals are really an expect in their area. Already we are hearing of a doctor who is not medically qualified.

  43. Of course. Undoubtedly on both sides. But since my stuff is usually aimed more at those in governance, I thought it best to aim to the readers who follow that most closely.
    Greer Cave, I know that feeling. You think: if we catch them with this, then imagine what we DON’T catch them with…
    So I just wanted to give us a chance to chuckle at ourselves for once and lift the tension.

  44. So many issues are swept under the carpet so ppl are angry that they seem to be getting away with ‘murder’ so to speak. Their ‘blood raise’ to boiling point.

  45. I think some people have to pace themselves Kendall. Seriously. It’s almost hysteria.

  46. Some people stressed for years now.

  47. Why? Because he has more hair than San-ko?

  48. Clearly David Luiz deserves to be in that Cabinet of hers 🙂

  49. Serious kicks here. I have a friend who works at a school in a UNC-stronghold in south Trinidad. For a school function they decided to ask then Attorney General && to give a speech, to which he agreed. When they were planning refreshments for thier invited guests, the organising committee openly discussed possible meal choices. During this discussion it was unanimously agreed that if they went with curry, there should be no goat on the menu.
    I found it hilarious that such a decision seriously came up at all …

  50. But the Kamla-is-a-light theory has foundation. Every bandwagon team she has supported openly has lost due to her ‘support’

  51. You lol I have a friend whose boss refuse to eat curry since the PP in power. It have real fanatic s out there.

  52. When you blame the PM for Brazil losing the World Cup cause she present at the games

  53. Your favorite superhero is no longer Spiderman; I was looking for the Wicked Witch for Oz —LMAO

  54. I have another – You feel Mr. Live Wire not respecting your real fears in his article.

  55. Oh, how many wish a house falls on the Wicked Witch of The East!!!

  56. Finish the sentence. You know you’re too politically wound-up when…

  57. You know you’re too politically wound-up when you believe that chik-v was caused by the gov’t as it only hit so-called PNM areas first

  58. Feel free to add to the list Greer Cave 🙂

  59. Hahaha fraid to order goat roti, lol ah love it.

  60. It’ll come out in 2018 again. lol

  61. Haha, I stopped wearing my Brazil jersey when they get the 7. LOL.

  62. Gaiven Clairmont

    You hit the nail on the coffin there Mr Livewire. Brilliant as always and yes I told ppl leave the PM alone if she wants to go a fete after the political week she had sure let her fete and enjoy herself (she’s still human) my only issue was last weekend she went 2 fetes and didn’t have time to talk to the Minister of National Security on a very important matter, but 2 nights ago what everyone hotting up their head for lol, but again well done, just shared it as well, keep up the great work

  63. Scotty Ranking

    You believe Roodal Moonilal is an evil genius, or a genius of any kind; … *ded*
    But really, tell Aunty Kams that Beetlejuice is not a fashion consultant whose opinion she should value!