Snitches get Yankee riches? Live Wire weighs in as Opposition goes ‘Full Moonie’

Some things can be difficult to comprehend.

Take the scene at a shopping mall in Atlanta—just a week after stay at home orders were lifted in the Georgia capital and businesses encouraged to reopen—as hundreds of *cough cough* ‘urban youth’ cued up to purchase the new Air Jordan 5 sneakers.

What were those young men and women thinking?!

Photo: Iconic former Chicago Bulls star Michael Jordan prepares to dunk on Covid-19.

Well, the answer should be obvious. In a country where the president advocates bleach, sunlight and an unscientific, dangerous combination of drugs to combat Covid-19… well, the critical thinker is forced to rely on his own wits to survive.

And one thing we know about the novel coronavirus is that it is not airborne. So step aside, Donald Trump, and give it a shot, Your Air-ness Michael Jordan!

So Covid-19 has a mean handshake; but can the nasty critter jump? Time will tell eh.

Still, having rationalised young people flouting WHO distancing guidelines and blowing good money in the midst of a crisis for designer sneakers, what do we make of UNC MP Dr Roodal Moonilal’s approach to United States Ambassador Joseph Mondello?

“[…] Excellency, the loading of the Aldan in Trinidad and Tobago, if factual in nature, could not have occurred without the knowledge, consent and facilitation of the present government of our country,” wrote Moonilal, “since our relevant petro and port facilities are all controlled and operated by the government and its state enterprises…”

It was like punching a hole into the bottom of your lifeboat, in the middle of the sea, because you don’t appreciate the captain’s sailing—almost certainly the worst thought out plan since Ian Alleyne’s short-lived biopic: ‘Escape from Couva Hospital’.

Photo: In the much talked about episode of ‘Cribs: Trini-style’, host Ian Alleyne reviews the Home of Football Wellness Centre.
Alleyne rated it as somewhere in-between hell and the Costa Favolosa.

What’s the idea here, ‘Moonie’? Are you hoping that, in the middle of a financially crippling pandemic, the United States sanctions only the ‘red’ part of the twin island republic?

And, dammit, we already have an ‘Excellency’! Sure, Paula-Mae is so starchy that she probably plays j’ouvert in a long pants and shawl; but she is our anachronistic tantee. Have some respect fellah!

Cut the grass, the old people say, and the snakes will show.

So Mr Live Wire watching good at the companies boasting of millions in profits that laid off workers within weeks of the novel coronavirus restrictions. (Right now, ah rather take Alleyne’s former cell at the Home of Football than room at the Hilton!)

Or the pastor who insists that his flock should give him ten percent of their Covid-19 relief grants. (Bishop De Van Narine, you would ask a starving man for a suck of his chenette, dread! Talk about flocked-up thinking!)

Or the international football body that promises to make all of the TTFA’s debt go away if only everyone can stand still and keep quiet while president Gianni Infantino slips his ‘normalisation committee’ in, just a little bit. (Fifa has never cleared any country’s debt, ever! And if they didn’t do so while DJW was in power, they surely won’t do it after—no matter how much ‘sweetie paper lyrics’ Infantino whispers into Robert Hadad’s ears!)

Greed, to paraphrase Dave Chappelle’s Rick James-inspired caricature, is a helluva drug. And clearly power is worse!

Photo: So allyuh didn’t learn nothing from Jean and Dinah?!

Gimme that hotline number for the police commissioner. Mr Live Wire wants to report a tubby temptress rattling the gates at Marli Street, begging the boss man for a ‘wok’.

Last time we checked, Moonie, prostitution was not deemed a essential service on the island. Doh jump the queue!

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2 comments

  1. Dear Mr. Live Wire,

    I would love to hear your satirical take on the issue of the loading of the Aldan in Trinidad and Tobago and the shipment eventually finding it way to Venezuela as well as the timely visit of Delcy Rodriguez, the Venezuelan VP.

  2. “Urban Youth” Politically correct way to call someone black in the news.

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