Live Wire

A satirical spin on Trinidad and Tobago news stories

Blades drawn in Paralympic scandal

South Africa’s famous sprint amputee, Oscar “Blade Runner” Pistorius, did not defend his Paralympic 200 metre crown yesterday but still caught up to former United States track icon and sour grape extraordinaire, Carl Lewis. Pistorius lamented an uneven playing field after losing to Brazil’s Alan Oliviera in a race that …

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Nature mocks San Fernando court order

Kezi Doughty, a mother of nine children, had five children taken away by the San Fernando Magistrate’s court on 28 June 2012 after she was found guilty of neglect. On Saturday, Doughty gave birth to twins. Tropical Storm Isaac was one thing but now Nature is messing with Trinidad and …

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Newsday’s diplomatic gaffe

The Trinidad Newsday might consider itself the most brilliant publication in the nation’s history after several past and present employees including Chief Editor Therese Mills and founder Clevon Raphael were celebrated last week among the legends of Trinidad and Tobago’s Independence. This excellence was arguably missing today—and not for the …

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School’s here… minus the schools

Education Minister Dr Tim Gopeesingh said, in a press statement yesterday, that the country was in the midst of a parenting crisis and also pointed to teacher absenteeism and poor academic performances. He urged parents, teachers and students to pull their socks up post haste. Or, to paraphrase, do as …

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Jack: Suffer the children

School children have a lot in their book bags these days including wildly fluctuating academic assessment plans and enough books to fill a library. It might get worse though after National Security Minister Jack Warner suggested that a good cut-tail for little Jason and Natasha is just what Trinidad and …

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Express blowjob stuns readers

The Trinidad Express delivered a telling blow to good taste this morning with a salacious photograph of a man of Indian descent, with both hands on his waist, blowing into a policewoman’s instrument. The Express, weakly, sought to soften the impact with the euphemistic term “breathalyser” but it is uncertain …

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The London 2012 Paranoia Olympics

The venue for the 2012 Paranoia Olympics, the Olympic Park which overlooks the London boroughs of Stratford and Hackney, caused much concern for the competitors. The Russians, for instance, who ritually top the medal table, seemed to be particularly worried about the number of CCTV cameras in the area. The …

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More flood woes; cameraman on standby

Wired868 has been unreliably advised that, although the rainfall might seem bad, it is actually six percent less than showers last week and 15 percent less than what was experienced the week before that. So citizens are actually benefitting from what is now known as an increase in the decrease. …

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AG plays psychology with criminal gangs

Attorney General Anand Ramlogan told the Trinidad Newsday that the anti-gang legislation used during last year’s State of Emergency has served its purpose as a deterrent and psychological weapon against gang-related activity. Judging from this year’s murder rate, Wired868 believes that eradicating gangsters with psychology is as foolproof as drowning …

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London Olympics continues… And THA is trailing

Double bronze medallist Lalonde Gordon might still be sporting his medals and discussing London 2012 but he is probably some distance from the Olympic ideals these days. Tobago House of Assembly (THA) chief secretary Orville London paid tribute to the sister isle’s first Olympic medallist with gifts at a civic …

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Jack gets tough on criminal statistics

National Security Minister Jack Warner yesterday challenged Trinidad and Tobago’s criminal elements in a showdown at Abercromby Street, Port of Spain. Not the criminals who destroy lives though; just the ones who are bad for his own reputation. After a weekend with seven murders, Warner ignored the gunmen and police …

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AG’s suspicious FIU report

Attorney General Anand Ramlogan went to the Senate yesterday with an impressive volume of data on the going-ons at the Financial Intelligence Unit (FIU). There were 303 suspicious reports filed with the FIU in 2011 from which 65 are still being analysed, 54 were closed and seven were relayed to …

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