The Sport Ministry’s chilling secret; Live Wire puts a hand on Minister Heavy-D Smith

First, the good news. Diego Martin Central MP Darryl Smith apparently has a firm grip on his staff at the Ministry of Sport and Youth Affairs.

At first glance, the image of Minister Heavy D putting his hand on an employee from the communication department seemed like a throwback to the ‘good old inappropriate days’ when a woman’s primary role in the office—as far as under-sexed male bosses were concerned—was somewhere between eye candy and a walking target for sexual innuendos and advances.

Or to paraphrase a certain president: Make the Sport Ministry great again!

Mr Live Wire cannot confirm that Dr Rolph Balgobin has applied to be Sport Company chairman. Or that PSA leader Watson Duke said: “That looks fine to me… but send me more photos, just to be sure!”

But beyond the potential issue of Minister Big and Sexy fondling a female employee like a box of popcorn chicken, lies something far more chilling.

Is Smith housing more than yesterday’s buffet beneath his portly exterior?

Mr Live Wire has received emails which suggest that the Sport Minister might be battling with multiple personality disorder, which is allegedly having a deleterious impact on his government position and interfering with the performance of his staff.

At 11.24am on Friday 9 September 2016, a letter was dispatched from Smith’s Gmail account as Diego Martin Regional Corporation chairman to Kate Balthazar’s Yahoo in-box.

Incidentally, Smith resigned as Diego Martin Regional Corporation chairman on 8 September 2015, since he cannot be MP and regional chairman.

In the exchange, Smith appeared to be seeking editorial assistance for a letter from Smith, who described himself as one of Smith’s “worst critics” but noted that he had since been “silenced” by Smith’s sterling work as work.

“I now have to eat humble pie and congratulate you on a job well done.”

It was enough to make a psychiatrist giddy.

Balthazar responded in exactly 42 minutes with the word: “Edited.”

There were two notable headings in the letter. One read: “Letter to the Editor” and the other was: “I apologise to Diego Martin Central MP Darryl Smith.”

Was this bizarre e-mail proof that Smith was an amalgam of three different personalities in one body—each weighing 170 pounds?

Or—and this theory is a bit ridiculous, so bear with me—was Smith asking his employee at the Sport Ministry to help him hoodwink the media and, by extension, the general public by pretending to be his own “worst critic” who was since converted by his own brilliant management and hard work?

The irony that the two appeared to be creating a false document about his supposedly remarkable work ethic during office hours was delicious. But, apparently, not as tasty as that humble pie.

On Saturday 10 September 2016, Balthazar—or whoever handled her Yahoo account—sent a follow-up email, which explained that: “I made further changes that its [sic] more realistic.”

The Sport Minister’s initial reference to eating humble pie was now deleted. Duh. Even Smith’s multiple personalities appear to all be obsessed with snack time.

Presumably, role-playing at the Smith household is more likely to involve someone wearing a chef’s apron than a g-string.

The letter to the editor went on to praise Smith for: singled handedly stopping flooding in Diego Martin, buying books, shoes and football boots for youths in the constituency as well as granting them scholarships to the United States, providing free dental, eye and general health examinations for constituents, personally cleaning up the Diego Martin River, and seeing hundreds of constituents weekly at his office, all while playing cricket and football with youths on a daily basis.

Sadly, Smith has apparently not eradicated hunger, crime and poverty in Diego Martin Central or cured cancer just yet. But then that was just his list of accomplishments in year one, so perhaps we should be patient.

Just how many personalities would the big fellah need to get all of that work done anyway?

Devout family man, conscientious Sport Minister, self-avowed critic of the same Sport Minister, hardworking MP, princess enthusiast, environmentalist, sportsman, specialist ribbon cutter, philanthropist, author, corporation chairman, cheeky playboy, loving boss…

Maybe M Night Shyamalan should recast the lead character for his psycho-thriller “Split”, which is about a male kidnapper with multiple personalities and a murderous temper.

Or, maybe, Smith should just split.

Editor’s Note: A photographer showed how the image could be manipulated to remove Sport Minister Darryl Smith’s hand from Kate Balthazar’s rear end. Ironically, the photoshopped image is being passed off now by Smith’s supporters as the original.

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Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.