Easy as 1+1= 2; an open letter to Sat Maharaj after Chalkdust’s advice in song

“Uncles, check allyuh bits and pieces and then see about pulling off this one for me. For all of us. Allyuh need to turn up the natural moxie allyuh have and teach them. Doh hold dem and wuk dem, Uncles, just teach dem. Teach them before they start thinking that sex in marriage is just some scriptural routine for procreation and that fulfilment of sexual desires in marriage is simply not to be countenanced.

“Uncle Waffie, if you are not aware of all the fatwas they are dishing out now on the limits of love making, you could try recommending Wedad Lootah’s book, ‘Top Secret’, which tells Muslims how to achieve sexual intimacy, I am not sure if the Muslims who buy the book will need you to issue a fatwa on whether or not they need to hide their faces. ”

The following Letter to the Editor on the issue of child marriages in Trinidad and Tobago was submitted to Wired868 by Alana Abdool, MSc, BCB:

Dear Uncle Sat and Uncle Waffie,

I read somewhere yesterday or sometime what Chalkdust say he winning calypso is about. He say “Learning from Arithmetic” is “a warning to young people not to be fooled” and is “meant as a warning to young girls to be wary of older men who like to fool them.” Oh gaddoie! He attacking allyuh?

But he ent call one young girl name in the calypso, Uncle Sat, is your name he call. And I too want to call you out, you and all those other champions of religion who share your views on the issue of the proper age for marriage.

The young people don’t want you to tell them when they ready; they have to tell you when they ready. They singing their life out, telling you they doh want to marrid wrong. They holding on to a little gyurl dream. They screaming out for the right to choose, Uncle—the right to choose marriage if and when they want. They crying out for the right to live their dreams. They want to fall in love and to experience the full power and divinity of human sensuality.

But you, what you want? You want to fight them down. And for what? In the name of religion? How many young people does follow that now?

Listen, I have to tell allyuh flat out, marrid? What is that? Most of them young people doh really care. What you getting marrid for when you could live single or just shack up?

So, Uncles, hold on to the ones who want to get marrid. Dem young girls especially you have to watch. They either infatuated or in love. No, no, not with you but yes, they infatuated or they in love. The problem is that in school they have access to sex with boys. And sometimes girls. And if they don’t have the real thing in school, they have access to pornography on the Internet, a good substitute. And the ones who don’t have that have romance novels and X-rated magazines.

And whether or not they have any of those, they have hormones and imagination and hands and fingers, enough for masturbation.

And if there are any who don’t fall into the above categories, well, congratulations! Is either you done reach them with religion or they done dead.

Allyuh eh realize, Uncles, how much young people going missing, getting buggered, or raped and/or killed? It sad, eh? What causing that? Desire gone mad?

I hear it also have some hard-back man who want to ship in young, young girl into this country from South America. I wonder why that kind of desire is on the rise? When you think about all that madness, nothing wrong in getting dem young people marrid as soon as they learn to think, talk, feel and count money.

But forget all that negativity. Religious people like yourself, Uncle Sat, doh have to worry with that.  Right now we need to focus on regulating desire and controlling fornication. Education Minister Anthony Garcia, a devout God-fearing Catholic, said where school-aged children are concerned, it’s only abstinence we are going to be talking about. And obviously we can’t talk about abstinence and desire at the same time.

We mature, well-balanced adults are capable of separating our sexuality from our desire for sex. But we can’t expect that of innocent schoolchildren with hormones on the rampage, can we?

However, we need to identify with and help the young people who get married under religious rites and who are confused about what to do on their honeymoon. Uncle Waffie, if you are not aware of all the fatwas they are dishing out now on the limits of love making, you could try recommending Wedad Lootah’s book, “Top Secret,” which tells Muslims how to achieve sexual intimacy.

I am not sure if the Muslims who buy the book will need you to issue a fatwa on whether or not they need to hide their faces.

Uncle Sat, I have to real big up you and all Hindu people; allyuh have a God of Love and Desire and a Kamasutra manual. But tell me, allyuh does use that to teach the young people Chalkie say he trying to protect?

So, Uncles, I watching the arguments allyuh coming with on this whole marriage age business and I realize allyuh might be frozen in a 1000-year-old rut. In case allyuh not too in tune with what the young people watching these days, I want to bring allyuh up to speed. It have this man, Austin Powers, who was cryogenically frozen and then they wake him up. Yuh know what is the first thing the man say when he wake up?

“I’ve been frozen for 30 years,” he announced. “I’ve got to see if my bits and pieces are still working.”

Uncles, check allyuh bits and pieces and then see about pulling off this one for me. For all of us. Allyuh need to turn up the natural moxie allyuh have and teach them. Doh hold dem and wuk dem, Uncles, just teach dem. Teach them before they start thinking that sex in marriage is just some scriptural routine for procreation and that fulfilment of sexual desires in marriage is simply not to be countenanced.

I know that, like Chalkie, you all have a real interest in making sure our young people alright, making sure they are safe from “older men who like to fool them.”

Sometimes getting a little nostalgic might help. Put on a little old school Bollywood movie. Remember sultry and sexy Madhubala? Or the lovely Dimple, Mumtaz or Rekha? Who used to dance better, Helen or Vyjayanthimala?

Or did you prefer the classic screen beauties like Brigitte Bardot, Elizabeth Taylor or Marilyn Monroe? Go for it, Uncles, go for whatever gets your groove on, whatever will get the bits and pieces in proper working order.

And don’t study. Chalkie, it ent have no maths in that, not even basic arithmetic. Is just common sense.

With much love and high regard,

Alana

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