Home / View Point / Letters to the Editor / Easy as 1+1= 2; an open letter to Sat Maharaj after Chalkdust’s advice in song

Easy as 1+1= 2; an open letter to Sat Maharaj after Chalkdust’s advice in song

“Uncles, check allyuh bits and pieces and then see about pulling off this one for me. For all of us. Allyuh need to turn up the natural moxie allyuh have and teach them. Doh hold dem and wuk dem, Uncles, just teach dem. Teach them before they start thinking that sex in marriage is just some scriptural routine for procreation and that fulfilment of sexual desires in marriage is simply not to be countenanced.

“Uncle Waffie, if you are not aware of all the fatwas they are dishing out now on the limits of love making, you could try recommending Wedad Lootah’s book, ‘Top Secret’, which tells Muslims how to achieve sexual intimacy, I am not sure if the Muslims who buy the book will need you to issue a fatwa on whether or not they need to hide their faces. ”

The following Letter to the Editor on the issue of child marriages in Trinidad and Tobago was submitted to Wired868 by Alana Abdool, MSc, BCB:

Maulana Waffie Mohammed, a spokesperon for the Muslim community.
Maulana Waffie Mohammed, a spokesperon for the Muslim community.

Dear Uncle Sat and Uncle Waffie,

I read somewhere yesterday or sometime what Chalkdust say he winning calypso is about. He say “Learning from Arithmetic” is “a warning to young people not to be fooled” and is “meant as a warning to young girls to be wary of older men who like to fool them.” Oh gaddoie! He attacking allyuh?

But he ent call one young girl name in the calypso, Uncle Sat, is your name he call. And I too want to call you out, you and all those other champions of religion who share your views on the issue of the proper age for marriage.

The young people don’t want you to tell them when they ready; they have to tell you when they ready. They singing their life out, telling you they doh want to marrid wrong. They holding on to a little gyurl dream. They screaming out for the right to choose, Uncle—the right to choose marriage if and when they want. They crying out for the right to live their dreams. They want to fall in love and to experience the full power and divinity of human sensuality.

But you, what you want? You want to fight them down. And for what? In the name of religion? How many young people does follow that now?

Listen, I have to tell allyuh flat out, marrid? What is that? Most of them young people doh really care. What you getting marrid for when you could live single or just shack up?

Photo: Trinidad and Tobago's Carib girls.
Photo: Trinidad and Tobago’s Carib girls.

So, Uncles, hold on to the ones who want to get marrid. Dem young girls especially you have to watch. They either infatuated or in love. No, no, not with you but yes, they infatuated or they in love. The problem is that in school they have access to sex with boys. And sometimes girls. And if they don’t have the real thing in school, they have access to pornography on the Internet, a good substitute. And the ones who don’t have that have romance novels and X-rated magazines.

And whether or not they have any of those, they have hormones and imagination and hands and fingers, enough for masturbation.

And if there are any who don’t fall into the above categories, well, congratulations! Is either you done reach them with religion or they done dead.

Allyuh eh realize, Uncles, how much young people going missing, getting buggered, or raped and/or killed? It sad, eh? What causing that? Desire gone mad?

I hear it also have some hard-back man who want to ship in young, young girl into this country from South America. I wonder why that kind of desire is on the rise? When you think about all that madness, nothing wrong in getting dem young people marrid as soon as they learn to think, talk, feel and count money.

Photo: Young girls protest against child marriage in Africa. (Copyright Plan-International)
Photo: Young girls protest against child marriage in Africa.
(Copyright Plan-International)

But forget all that negativity. Religious people like yourself, Uncle Sat, doh have to worry with that.  Right now we need to focus on regulating desire and controlling fornication. Education Minister Anthony Garcia, a devout God-fearing Catholic, said where school-aged children are concerned, it’s only abstinence we are going to be talking about. And obviously we can’t talk about abstinence and desire at the same time.

We mature, well-balanced adults are capable of separating our sexuality from our desire for sex. But we can’t expect that of innocent schoolchildren with hormones on the rampage, can we?

However, we need to identify with and help the young people who get married under religious rites and who are confused about what to do on their honeymoon. Uncle Waffie, if you are not aware of all the fatwas they are dishing out now on the limits of love making, you could try recommending Wedad Lootah’s book, “Top Secret,” which tells Muslims how to achieve sexual intimacy.

I am not sure if the Muslims who buy the book will need you to issue a fatwa on whether or not they need to hide their faces.

Uncle Sat, I have to real big up you and all Hindu people; allyuh have a God of Love and Desire and a Kamasutra manual. But tell me, allyuh does use that to teach the young people Chalkie say he trying to protect?

Photo: SDMS Secretary Sat Maharaj gesticulates, confident that he knows just where to put the emphasis. (Copyright Power 102)
Photo: SDMS Secretary Sat Maharaj gesticulates, confident that he knows just where to put the emphasis.
(Copyright Power 102)

So, Uncles, I watching the arguments allyuh coming with on this whole marriage age business and I realize allyuh might be frozen in a 1000-year-old rut. In case allyuh not too in tune with what the young people watching these days, I want to bring allyuh up to speed. It have this man, Austin Powers, who was cryogenically frozen and then they wake him up. Yuh know what is the first thing the man say when he wake up?

“I’ve been frozen for 30 years,” he announced. “I’ve got to see if my bits and pieces are still working.”

Uncles, check allyuh bits and pieces and then see about pulling off this one for me. For all of us. Allyuh need to turn up the natural moxie allyuh have and teach them. Doh hold dem and wuk dem, Uncles, just teach dem. Teach them before they start thinking that sex in marriage is just some scriptural routine for procreation and that fulfilment of sexual desires in marriage is simply not to be countenanced.

I know that, like Chalkie, you all have a real interest in making sure our young people alright, making sure they are safe from “older men who like to fool them.”

Sometimes getting a little nostalgic might help. Put on a little old school Bollywood movie. Remember sultry and sexy Madhubala? Or the lovely Dimple, Mumtaz or Rekha? Who used to dance better, Helen or Vyjayanthimala?

Or did you prefer the classic screen beauties like Brigitte Bardot, Elizabeth Taylor or Marilyn Monroe? Go for it, Uncles, go for whatever gets your groove on, whatever will get the bits and pieces in proper working order.

Photo: Dancers for Massy Trinidad All Stars perform to "Curry Tabanca" during the 2015 International Conference and Panorama at the Grand Stands, Queen's Park Savannah. Available on pay-per view? (Courtesy Allan V Crane/Wired868)
Photo: Dancers for Massy Trinidad All Stars perform to “Curry Tabanca” during the 2015 International Conference and Panorama at the Grand Stands, Queen’s Park Savannah. Available on pay-per view?
(Courtesy Allan V Crane/Wired868)

And don’t study. Chalkie, it ent have no maths in that, not even basic arithmetic. Is just common sense.

With much love and high regard,

Alana

About Letters to the Editor

Letters to the Editor
Want to share your thoughts with Wired868? Email us at editor@wired868.com. Please keep your blog between 300 to 800 words and be sure to read it over first for typos and punctuation.

Check Also

STREET VIBES: Hahaha, hee-haw, hee-haw but PNM’s donkey logic is no laughing matter

Prank or otherwise, there is nothing funny about rape. We are a nation which has …

11 comments

  1. Oh Lord. Lasana Liburd why it have credentials after my name? Allyuh real good yes.

  2. Now, the discussion on the issue of child marriages is a very pertinent issue and needs to be tackled with open-minded sensible submissions.
    However, it ought not to be tackled without examining the related issues of teenage pregnancy; statutory rape; right of choice; what age is appropriate and legally acceptable to exercise such right to choose; as well as the role and responsibility of parents and guardians.
    Any new laws impacting on the Marriage Act, especially in connection specifically as it pertains to freedoms and rights to religious practices – as enshrined in the TT Republic Constitution, must be passed by the requisite constitutional majority.

    • Well, I would consider those as factors that lead us to make decisions about age/conditions to enter a marriage contract. Not related issues really. So I fully agree that those need to be considered.

  3. Easy as 1 2 3…ABC…1 2 3…

  4. Chalkdust’s calypso was a sh*t calypso that was among the worse ever that won a Calypso Monarch title.
    I dare anyone to name any others that were as poorly composed.
    That notwithstanding, he appeared to have capitalized on the anti-Sat Maharaj winning formula and anti-Sat sentiments that seem to trigger a prejudiced gratification among a section of society.
    Any kind of anti-Sat sentiment seems to stimulate an emotionally euphoric orgasm among that section of society and those who feel they need to identify with those prejudices, with thinly veiled attempts at some sort of justification, to gain acceptance.
    I, by the way, hold no brief for Sat, nor do I agree with a lot of his positions on certain matters.

    • “Any kind of anti-Sat sentiment seems to stimulate an emotionally euphoric orgasm…to gain acceptance.”
      That’s a very over generalized statement you made there Mr. Persad. The deep irony of your judgement is that any calypsonian who chooses to debate Sat in song has forfeited his/her right to freedom of expression, a right that Sat fully makes use of and enjoys.