Snitches get smooches: John Oliver mauls Jack… with kindness

HBO’s British comic John Oliver tonight announced himself to Trinidad and Tobago with a performance that did for comedy what Floyd “Money” Mayweather Jr did for boxing.

And by that Mr Live Wire means Oliver tossed some elegant jabs, scarcely touched his opponent and yet, somehow, managed to preserve his reputation.

Photo: Follow the Money! Manny "Pacman" Pacquaio (right) tries to keep up with welterweight boxing champion Floyd "Money" Mayweather. (Copyright John Gurzinski/AFP 2015)
Photo: Follow the Money!
Manny “Pacman” Pacquaio (right) tries to keep up with welterweight boxing champion Floyd “Money” Mayweather.
(Copyright John Gurzinski/AFP 2015)

Like Manny Pacquiao, Jack Warner barely knew he was in a fight.

In fact, Warner met a petite, five foot AFP camerawoman that provided more awkward opposition. And she went down with the first shove!

Oliver was funny. His use of colloquiums was cute and endearing. He was unflinchingly polite.

It was like watching Queen Elizabeth try to flatten Mike Tyson—with a feather pillow!

Warner might be forgiven for thinking that perhaps extradition wouldn’t be so bad. At least not if it was to Britain.

“Snitches get smooches,” said Oliver, as he urged the ex-FIFA vice president to tell his side of the story.

It sounded like something from Bridget Jones’ diary. Get a room, guys.

Photo: Fancy a cuddle? John Oliver was as sweet as pie in his five minute broadcast: "The mittens of disapproval are on."
Photo: Fancy a cuddle?
John Oliver was as sweet as pie in his five minute broadcast: “The mittens of disapproval are on.”

Which is not to say, mind you, that Oliver was not funny. Or that his delivery was not impeccably timed.

Only that Live Wire was anticipating a roasting. And, if there was a fire, Oliver used it to toast marshmallows.

Maybe this is how Britain ruled the world. Oliver, donned in his mittens, charms you in the living room while a chap like Wayne Rooney takes your valuables out the backdoor.

Delighted to meet you, John. That was a nice show, innit?

But if you want to see a comic use five minutes for something more terrifying than foreplay: Google Rachel Price!

Over the past decade, nothing has petrified Warner and brought more Trinbagonians to edge of the seat than the insatiable, almost omnipresent British investigative journalist Andrew Jennings.

Photo: British investigative journalist Andrew Jennings.
Photo: British investigative journalist Andrew Jennings.

“Mister Waaaar-nah…” Jennings would say. And Warner’s hair would stand on end.

The power of the British accent was diluted tonight after Oliver’s affable chat. Sorry about that, Andrew.

Now you know how us Trinis feel about Warner.

More from Wired868
#iamcorbeau… Shannon-ploitation, perverted justice and Countess Camille of Chaguaramas

The national bird of Trinidad and Tobago should not be the Scarlet Ibis or Cocrico. It should be the corbeau! Read more

Fitzie loses his Works, Works, Works, Works! Keithos turns to Ish and Warner’s pardner, Sinanan

When the first two people to offer congratulations to your new Minister of Works might well be Ishwar Galbaransingh and Read more

Live Wire chronicles: Temporary child marriages, Deyalsingh’s POSGH retreat and the inimitable Jack Warner

If Republican US presidential candidate Donald Trump is Sat Maharaj dipped in curry—and that is definitely a dish designed to Read more

X-rated: the FBI’s sordid tale of FIFA corruption, mental disability and Jack Warner

Predictably, the United States Department of Justice’s latest X-rated exposé of FIFA—picture football administrators and television executives sneaking into deserted Read more

Signs of the times, Kamla’s minority report and Jack lectures teachers

On Friday afternoon, John “Amigo” Matthews, 54, was walking along the Eastern Main Road in Barataria when a sign for Read more

Why always me? Jack Warner responds to FIFA ban and extradition request

Ex-FIFA vice-president and former Trinidad and Tobago MP Jack Warner responds to his FIFA ban and US extradition request in a Read more

Check Also

Noble: Forgetting the past, repeating mistakes—Jack’s return and Jamaica’s NCB mess

There were two disturbing events in a week when the nation needed to be reflective …


  1. I admittedly laughed at a few but as it wore on, I thought, can TV6 also promote our culture by getting airtime for Sprang or Tommy over there to highlight Blair’s WMD and the little fact that Beckham also came here during bidding season! All in a bad english tetley accent! Goodness, Gracious, Me. Cheque please!

  2. Some people’s idea of patriotism I think. I strongly disagree with that.
    One, I don’t feel insulted.
    Two, Jack is accused of robbing people all over the planet. It is natural that people all over would be angry at him.
    People still repeating that U.S. picking on third world countries too when there are more Americans charged than those in other countries.

  3. What I can’t get over is how many people feel insulted by Oliver buying airtime to peddle his jokes… but not Warner to peddle his lies.

  4. Much ado about nothing. Come on there must be more serious issues than a foreign Satirist buying some airtime on our media, to discuss. Nobody fretting about Shah Rukh Khan buying into Red Steel at least i’m not. Don’t know about some of your’ll as everything foreign seem to be a big deal these days.

  5. (1) “The international circus will move on, and should this government be re-elected the joke will be on us!” Should this government be re-elected there may be no us!

    (2) “Jack stole from the poorest people in the Western Hemisphere and he did it at their lowest moment. We have worse than him?” Yes. Check Parliament!

  6. To me it wasn’t quite that funny…but you know, it is what is. When you put your name in people’s mouth that is what they do…talk…sense or non-sense.

  7. He started one of them talking about visiting Arkansas and being given a voodoo stick at an alligator farm. I kid you not. I would imagine that citizens of that state we none too pleased to be portrayed as superstitious hillbillies.

  8. Ross Perot did far more than buy 60 seconds ads Eric. He ran nationwide shows in his campaign.

  9. There is a difference in a :30 and :60 seconds ad and an editorial. Everyone can buy an ad, if they can afford to. Editorials are a different story. Thanks.

  10. It’s a matter of affordability Eric, moreso than being allowed to. I’ve seen US ads that are really personal attacks on political opponents regularly featuring. We need to get a grip and deal with the real issues. We are too easily distracted.

  11. Kendall, you are right. No difference. The sociopolitical question discussed in advance media studies is “can the average person afford/allowed to do same”? Could the fella in Laventille, accused of doing wrong, afford to buy 5 minutes ? Oops, I forgot. In my country of birth we don’t discuss issues and policy. We discuss things.

  12. And how is this worse than Jack buying time to issue veiled threats and allegations that are unsubstantiated thus far. How was that different?

  13. I have seen numerous paid announcements attacking political opponents, many of them quite personal, on US tv. They are very strong about freedom of the press. Why shouldn’t Jack be able buy airtime? It would be very expensive to buy national air time though.

  14. This most certainly not humor…I could not laugh…it was tasteless…please do not allow this crap in the guise of humor…people let us be patriotic…genuinely love our country.

    • i am a proud Trini born and raised, still living and working here and felt no insult from his delivery. He only embarrassed himself if anybody (as most foreigners do) trying to speak the slang. Did you not recognise this as purely a plea for Jack to buss the files on the other Execs. Do you think he would pay for airtime to embarrass T&T? Why not believe that Oliver genuinely is on a mission for the FIFA mafia?

  15. It was very funny Oliver had to make sure he was funny but not culturally insensitive we might him as funny but they’re people who said ” the white man should hush he mouth” Oliver wants him to rat out Blatter who’s John Oliver real target.

  16. Sorry folks but I feel about Oliver the very same way he feels about Jack’s pronouncements, he has yet to deliver! I didn’t find it funny, sorry. Everybody might hate Jack as he claims but I don’t. JW ain’t the worst thing to happen to this country trust me. There’s a whole class of personstthat are his equal and worse. I’m in no way defending JW, couldn’t care less in fact, the sad truth about all of this is that it doesn’t give us what we lack. The international circus will move on, and should this government be re-elected the joke will be on us!

  17. He was at least kind enough not to lump all of T&T with Jack Warner and his shenanigans…thank you John Oliver for that! I will also say he was funny…but then again perhaps other people who have followed him from long time may have a different perspective…this is only the second thing I have seen him in….the first being his message about FIFA recently and his promises to the sponsors.

  18. The man promised “mittens”… not boxing gloves.

  19. I found his 5 minutes quite entertaining. Typical British dry sense of humour. I eh fretting. Just saying.

  20. Let’s see if Jack, or any Trini could buy time on Comedy Central or any of Viacom’s 52 channels. I guess we all miss the point of joke – Trinidad media.

  21. Yup. And mine is that it was never about putting on a show for us.

  22. Like I said, we can all have an opinion on it. Mind is he was relatively funny. No more.

  23. Hope his lawyers were cracking up then.

  24. He did it on their soil, and for no profit? What sponsors appeared in his 4 mins? Again, he’ll continue to do it on his show, where it makes him money and plays to a global audience. What he did made perfect business sense and his lawyers are no doubt happy.

  25. If he had done anything differently Trinis, myself included, would be up in arms about coming here to disrespect us. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. But it was never about us.

  26. I’ve seen his comedy tear open many bigger fish than Warner. And saw him parody Australia, Brazil, Iraq and loads of other countries.
    So I’m skeptical of that argument as well about him being mindful to cultural sensitivities. He has lampooned much bigger administrations than the PP.
    Regardless, I think he was cute but not that funny. And not at near his full potential.
    Some may agree. Some won’t. Just an opinion.

  27. TV6 is selling ratings. He avoided the minefield that is JW tied to a sitting administration, and serious negative backlash back home (where the sponsors and audience are) should he cross misjudge cultural sensitivities. What does tailoring a performance for us give him? He was smart and well advised.

  28. Not boufin, just find people can take it down a level. Comedians don’t hit all the time, some jokes fall flat. Man writing prose and Facebook posts galore over 5 minutes of meh comedy. This is the 3rd article I’ve read about it for the night. One of them also in a non-funny try talking about it making people nostalgic for slavery. I mean, it’s like people shave their legs for a visit and the man come and say leh we just watch tv.

  29. Sigh. My response is: (one) most people think it reasonable to expect comedians make you laugh (two) again, i know his comedy for long before that one show and he can deliver… perhaps others likewise expected what he has done many times in his career.
    I don’t think Trinis are being carried away really. That is like boffing Trinis for expecting Mariah Carey to sound good.

  30. Well, based on his Last Week Tonight show and other FIFA pieces, I found it was about the same. I think Trinis just get a bit juiced up when “people from foreign” know we exist and so expectations were on high

  31. TV6 called it a roasting. Bear in mind that this is a satirical piece and not a straight critical review eh… But John Oliver definitely can throw heat Fayola Bostic. I have followed his work for years including his podcast “The Bugle” which was around long before Comedy Central or America ever heard of him.

  32. I think people are seriously overestimating what this was. He did it because he could. But the “roast” will continue where it carries weight – on his show. He pulled a stunt – and was careful about it – because it’s fodder for his show, not because he has a battle with Jack.

  33. That’s exactly how Britain conquered the world. Lol. Oliver is the butterfly and Jennings is the bee…

  34. Well, John Oliver did say that the “mittens were on”, LOL. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of this. I consider it an opening move. Let’s he how Mr. Warner responds… 🙂

  35. I watched it twice and I think after the Trini lingo segment, it was ok. Not his funniest, but aight. He doesn’t ever “roast” people though. Especially if your idea of roasting is Rachel Price. But Trinis are butt-hurt over those 5 minutes boy! 😀

  36. I’ll vote smooching! What ah loon!

  37. I am still awaiting the punch line. I guess I do not possess the requisite funny bone. It’s like how I feel when Natalie Legore washes her mouth….oops. Sorry. Proffers her opinion on our politicians. Go and bad talk Portia. But don’t be so brass faced as to bad talk me to mih face and expect me to laugh. i am as mad as phacking hell. Tv6 have no phacking class

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.