If Republican US presidential candidate Donald Trump is Sat Maharaj dipped in curry—and that is definitely a dish designed to induce bowel movement—then former president George W Bush is surely Dr Fuad Khan without a stethoscope.
Simplicity is certainly not next to genius with those two. Let’s just say someone’s puzzle box is short of a few pieces.
But, to be fair, they aren’t the only ones who just don’t get it.
Yesterday, Imam Muhammed Luqman Abdul-Latif, who was described by the media as a “Muslim leader”—and not by Kevin Baldeosingh, mind you—suggested that “temporary marriages” should be on the table to curb teenage promiscuity during an open forum on child marriage at the National Library, Port of Spain.
Wait… Did we hear that right? How exactly does this proposal help protect young children from statutory rape?
Abdul-Latif explained further. Predators would be allowed short-term “contracts” with children which, according to the Imam, “essentially [gives] them all the freedoms of a marriage without the finality or responsibilities of an actual marriage.”
Or, to translate, Abdul-Latif’s question is: We realise you all don’t like us marrying them, but can we still f**k em?
You haven’t been paying attention to us, have you Imam?
A “man of God” offering to reduce marriage to a short-term rental for pedophiles? Mr Live Wire would love to introduce Abdul-Latif to a “temporary cut arse”. It hurts just as much but carries no risk of jail time for the distributor.
And speaking of leaders who are liable to hurt themselves while trying to outwit grown folk, Health Minister Terrence Deyalsingh described his recent dengue-induced two-day hospital stint at the Port of Spain General Hospital as “wonderful”.
And, in case you doubt his impartiality, Deyalsingh pointed out to the media that he “neither asked for nor received any special treatment.”
Ahmm. Could you repeat that Minister? Per chance, did you give your name as “Terrence Deyalsingh” when you checked in? Are you an idiot?
For the record, all three questions were meant to be rhetorical.
Live Wire recommends that Deyalsingh returns to POSGH after the next change in government and give it another twirl. Or maybe after the next Cabinet reshuffle.
Deyalsingh pointed out to that doctors ordered him to lighten up his schedule and cut out all weekend work for the time being. But he boasted that he intends to ignore them and work anyway, despite the possibility, according to the Health Minister, that “doctors may show up to lock me up.”
The sort of doctors that lock up patients usually work for the Mental Hospital. So Live Wire won’t rule out that possibility completely. But how could the Health Minister think he is setting a good example by bragging about ignoring medical advice?
Does dengue cause light-headedness and impaired decision making?
But then, when it comes to living in your bubble, it is nigh impossible to beat Austin Jack Warner—the Trinidadian “Robin Hood” who stole from the rich and then entered politics and stole from the poor too.
In an exclusive interview with TV6’s Jabari Fraser last week, Warner explained that life could be better at present.
“I find I’m in court too often,” said Warner. “(…) What tires me and what gets me a bit, I should say, angry is the number of days and hours I spend in court. Which I feel, at my age are not productive.”
Well, to my honest Jack, nobody wants you in court. We want you in a cell, which is where criminals ought to be. Unfortunately, you and your lawyers have decided that a prolonged spell in court is preferable at present.
A former history teacher, Warner continued his efforts to rewrite his own legacy, as he cast eyes towards today’s Caribbean Football Union (CFU) elections, which is being held in Miami due to financial constraints.
“Today they’re holding an election in Miami, paid for by UEFA and CONCACAF,” said Warner. “Where’s the (financial) independence of the CFU which I had built and built it so strong that every small speck of dust, every small rock in the Caribbean, I put in FIFA, to be able to have that as a counter balance between North America and Central America?”
First of all, Warner was not the CFU’s founding president. And, more important, the CFU has no financial independence because the Trinidadian left with all its money, five years ago.
Amazing what a bit of fact checking can do to a wonderful anecdote.
Warner did have words of advice for current TTFA president David John-Williams, who bid to become Caribbean football boss today, just seven months into his own controversial reign at the helm of the local game. And, like most former legends, JW—the man who sleeps with palm outstretched outward in hope of a bribe—is not especially convinced by his wanna-be successor, DJW.
“They don’t believe in hard work, they want quick fix,” Warner told TV6. “They want to reach where Jack Warner reach quickly for good, bad or evil… He hasn’t fixed football in T&T but he wants to go up [to be Caribbean president], cause why? He wants to be the next Jack Warner.
“Failing to understand that this world has one Garfield Sobers, this world has one Muhammad Ali, one Sparrow and this world has one Jack Warner.”
And the choir said: Amen!
John-Williams, on his birthday—no less—was defeated by 18 votes to 12.