Prologue: Sport Minister Anil Roberts has confuffled reporters, who wanted to know if he and Minister Two Pull share the same toothbrush and birthday, by answering their question with a riddle.
“I will answer any and all questions when (Opposition Leader Keith Rowley) answers all the allegations about him about back in Tobago in 1969,” said Roberts. “If he is ready to take a DNA paternity test, I am ready to take any test; drug test (or) any test you want in full glare of the media.”
Confused, CCN reporter Juhel Browne seeks help in unusual quarters.
Scene: Somewhere in east Trinidad.
Juhel Browne: Hello Mr Live Wire. I would like…
Live Wire: …to know who would win the World Cup. Put your money on Argentina. Pope Francis is blessing the referees as we speak.
Browne: No, I want to know about 69.
Live Wire: This is not a Government office.
Browne: 1969… Anil Roberts said Keith Rowley did something big and terrifying in 1969; something that would shock the country over four decades later.
Live Wire: And you come to me because I am the best detective in the country.
Browne: Actually, Sherlock Homeboy was busy investigating a missing goat.
Live Wire: Ahhh… Anil Roberts. Yes, I see he is trying to espouse good family values now. He even took his daughter to work the other day.
Browne: Ehhh… That was his wife.
Live Wire: Ahmm. Of course. I knew that. But tell me more about what happened.
Browne: He said that he would take a drug test if Rowley took a paternity test. What the hell was he talking about?
Live Wire: He was trying to draw in Rowley. Misery loves company.
Browne: But what does him taking a drug test now have to do with the possibility of him taking drugs before? How long does he think drugs stay in your system? It’s not herpes. Steups.
Live Wire (smiles): We call that shifting the goalposts. It is a clever diversion Watson…
Browne: My name is Juhel.
Live Wire (continues without acknowledging Browne’s interjection): A policeman asked a murder suspect: “Did you kill Amadoo Huggins?” The suspect replied: “Officer, I am not killing Huggins or anyone else right now. You can clearly see that.”
The officer answered: “Not if you are killing him now. I am asking you now if you killed him before.” The suspect persisted: “So, you are asking me if I killed him twice or just now?”
The officer, growing impatient, snapped: “Not twice, you jackass! Did you kill him now?!” To which the suspect responded: “I most certainly did not. And I have a perfect alibi and a witness of the highest character. You! You were there the whole time asking me questions!”
Browne: Wha? What the hell are you talking about?! Who is Amadoo Huggins?
Live Wire: Somebody’s gonna learn today; alright, alright, alright.
Browne: Look, I just need some help figuring out if this is a real riddle or just nonsense to throw us off the trail. I was told that you have a degree in BS.
Live Wire: I graduated top of my class. Well, it was a tie. Wade Mark did pretty well too.
Browne: Is there a smoking gun here? Or is it a red herring?
Live Wire: The last thing Huggins saw was a smoking gun.
Browne: Who is Huggins?
Live Wire: Huggins was a young man who was shot dead on 27 April 2004 in Samaroo Village. There were arrests but the witnesses disappeared; so, after seven years, they were forced to release the main suspect. The same suspect who, midway through his incarceration, made a daring escape from Golden Grove by allegedly bribing a prison guard with $1,000 for two hacksaws.
Browne: Okay; interesting. But what does that have to do with anything?
Live Wire: The man charged with the crime was Rajaee Ali. Within two years of his release, he was made a coordinator in the Life Sport programme.
Live Wire: Hiring Ali to counsel young men about avoiding a life of crime is like leaving your wife for a weekend with Dwight Yorke.
Browne: That’s bad right?
Live Wire: Innocent people are going to be screwed in both scenarios.
Browne: Can we talk about 1969 now?
Live Wire: We are talking about 69; pay attention. You have to understand who you are dealing with. This is a government that was never going to be satisfied with just molesting the electorate. Have you heard of the Classic Seamen hotel?
Live Wire: Villa Capri?
Browne: Uhhh… (Blushes). That sounds familiar.
Live Wire: The Villa Capri was renamed the Classic Seamen. It is partly owned by the former Mayaro/Rio Claro regional corporation vice-president Raymond Cozier, who was a UNC councillor.
Browne (rolls his eyes): Okay…
Live Wire: On 15 March 2013, Marlene McDonald responded to picong from Anil in Parliament by telling him: “When I learn to speak Spanish I’ll go and talk to him… I’ll go to Room 201.”
Browne: Yes, I think I remember that.
Live Wire: What Marlene did not know is that Room 201 was empty at that time. Exactly a week earlier, just as rumours were spreading about a scandalous video with the Sport Minister, there was a massive raid at the Classic Seamen hotel. They took 76 girls; all foreign. They even took the owner’s bar licence.
Live Wire: Anil’s good partner, Jack Warner, was National Security Minister at the time. Do you know who represented some of the girls in court? Subhas Panday, who was a former Minister in the Ministry of National Security and another of Warner’s partners.
Browne: So you think that raid was retribution for a secret video? Or they wanted to scare or deport the girls and silence witnesses to a scandal?
Live Wire: Don’t ask me, nah. I fed up get pre-action protocol letters.
Browne (rubs his chin for a moment and then sighs): Sir, you have carried me around in circles. I came for answers and you just gave me more questions. What the hell does a raid on a whore house, a video with Minister Two Pull and the Life Sport scandal have to do with Rowley? What did he do in Tobago back in 1969 that could have anything to do with all of this bacchanal?
Live Wire: Elementary, my dear Watson.
Browne: My name is not Watson.
Live Wire: Why has Anil chosen to mimic the Opposition Leader’s hairstyle when a blind man can see that Clifton De Couteau has the most radical trim in Parliament? Why does he take so much pride in being the PP’s rottweiler?
Browne opens his mouth but cannot find any words.
Live Wire: Who boasts about having “Tobago lips” despite having no obvious link to the Sister Isle? Who is always trying so hard to claim the role of the baddest wajang in the house?
Browne: What are you saying?! It can’t be.
Live Wire: The answer has been in front you all along. How old is the Sport Minister? He is 45 this year. Subtract 45 from 2014 and what do you get?! What do you get?! What year is that?!
Browne: Oh my God!
Browne passes out.
(To be continued… If the acting Police Commissioner agrees).
Editor’s Note: The conversation with CCN journalist Juhel Browne never happened. Or did it?! Seriously, it didn’t…
Everything else barring birth records can be cross-checked through inserted hyperlinks.
And, for those who want to know what Keith Rowley’s paternity test would prove, Wired868 has absolutely no idea! We are fairly certain that it is not as relevant as the scandalous use of State funds in the Sport Ministry’s Life Sport programme or the shameless video in Room 201. And we are not so easily distracted.