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PP sees no more blue skies

Scene: Set of “Morning Edition.”

Fazeer Mohammed to camera: “Good Morning, Trinidad & Tobago. We start straightaway with the explosive statement by the government that, from midday today, the sky will officially be described as white instead of blue.

“The statement, made yesterday by the Prime Minister at the Diplomatic Centre, has caused widespread outrage and confusion and the social networks are abuzz with blogs and tweets. On the phone, we have Minister of National Security, Jack Warner. Mr Warner, what exactly is going on?”

Jack Warner: “Good morning, Fazeer. Fazeer, you know, of course, that the people of this country need guidance.”

Photo: National Security Minister Jack Warner

(Woman’s voice in the background): “And leadership.”

Warner: “And leadership. We in the People’s Partnership believe that we should evoke, of course, unity. Fazeer, my friend, ever since I was a small boy growing up in Rio Claro…”

(Woman’s voice in the background): “Living in poverty.”

“Yes, living in poverty, with my fadder working 34 hours…”

(Woman’s voice in the background): “24.”

Warner: “… 24 hours a day…”

(Woman’s voice in the background):  “If not more.”

Warner: “….If not more. Poor as we were, my friend, we always had sunshine and beautiful white skies”

Fazeer: “Mr Warner, is there someone there with you?”

Warner: “No, of course not. In fact, the Prime Minister is right now at an important function.”

Fazeer: “The Prime Minister? Well, anyway, Mr Warner, you say white skies but the sky is blue.”

Warner: “Is it, Fazeer? Is it really? You see, my friend, this whole blue sky fairytale was put forward by the British and the PNM just continued the lie. Even today, you hear Rowley with his fury and brimstone…

(Woman’s voice in the background): “Fire and brimstone.”

Warner: “… fire and brimstone, continuing to mislead the people of this country. It has fallen to the People’s Partnership Government to correct the 50 years of misguidance originating from Balisier House. So from midday today, the sky is white.”

Fazeer: “But Mr Warner, everywhere in the world, the sky is blue. There are poems and songs about it. There’s even a colour called ‘sky blue.’”

Warner: “So, you believe that we as a nation should just follow others even when they are wrong?”

Fazeer: “But, Mr Warner, what do you mean wrong. When I look out of my window, I see a blue sky.”

Warner: “You think it is blue, my friend? I’m telling you this is an operational conclusion…”

(Woman’s voice in the background) “Optical illusion.”

Warner: “… Yes, indeed, an optical illusion. Do you know, Fazeer, that the sky actually has no colour? It appears blue because the sun shatters…”

(Woman’s voice in the background) “Scatters.”

Warner: “… scatters blue sunlight more than red. But the sky is actually white.”

Fazeer: “Is it? Well, we have Opposition Leader Dr Keith Rowley on the other line so let’s hear what he has to say. Dr Rowley, what’s your take on this issue?”

Rowley: “Good morning, Fazeer. Well, of course, we at the Peeanem cannot stand idly by and let this foolishness enter into the fabric of our lives. I have written letters to the governments of the USA, the UK, France, Canada and the Electric Light Orchestra in order to make them aware that the people of Trinidad and Tobago want nothing to do with this dotishness.”

Fazeer: “The Electric Light Orchestra, Dr Rowley?”

Rowley: “Yes, Fazeer. ELO sang the famous song, “Mr Blue Sky.” You see, Fazeer, the repercussions of this ridiculous statement will be felt around the world, bringing ridicule upon our wonderful nation.”

Fazeer: “But Dr Rowley, what do you say to the government’s claim that the sky is actually white?”

Rowley: “You see, Fazeer, this is how this reprehensible government uses facts to trick people. Yes, we agree that it’s the sun that causes the sky to appear blue but it is not – and never will be – white. They use a fact and manipulate it to suit their agenda. You see how they have  rewritten the history of T&T to eradicate everything that was good under the Peeanem? Under the Peeanem, we had nothing but blue skies shining on us.”

Fazeer : “Well, let me put that to Mr Warner. Mr Warner, Dr Rowley claims that this is just more manipulation by the government to tarnish the image of the PNM. What do you say to that?”

Warner: “Fazeer, my friend, we have a team of , em, em, experts…”

(Woman’s voice in the background) “Team of expert metallurgists.”

Warner: “Oh yes. We’ve hired a team of expert metallurgists to study this phenomena…”

(Woman’s voice in the background): “And they have categorically concluded.”

Warner: “… and they have categorically concluded that the sky is white.”

Fazeer: “But, Mr Warner, are you sure it’s metallurgists? I think they  study the physical and chemical behaviour of metals.  Isn’t it meteorologists who study weather and all things connected with the composition of the atmosphere?”

Warner: “Em, em, em, of course…”

(Woman’s voice in the background) “Oops. I misspoke.”

Warner: “Well, em, let me check that detail with the Prime Minister… Yes, of course, I think I’ll consult the Prime Minister,… The Prime Minister…”

Fazeer: “Mr Warner, is there a problem? Shall we call her directly?”

Warner: “No! Don’t do that! She’s in an important meeting as we speak and I am advised that she has to prepare for an overseas trip. Maybe next week…. Thank you, Fazeer.”

 

Editor’s Note: This column is pure satire and all conversations are faked; no offence is meant at parties named although they probably deserve it

 

About Filbert Street

Filbert Street
Filbert Street is a real columnist who works in a fantasy world that sometimes resembles our own.

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2 comments

  1. Ras Abdalla Tafari Wadada

    Keep d Fire Blazing,even if it is Satirical. Excellent imagination,jus Love it.More Fire.

    • Well, as “Filbert Street” (who is a part-time contributor) prefers to keep his identity, I will say “thank you” on his behalf. We like a laugh in the Caribbean but it does not mean we are naive to what goes on around us. Our “Good Morning” segment and “Filbert Street” tries to capture this combination.