Farmer Dulalchan tries to be frank on crime prevention; NPTA official’s touching story about “sexy” teachers

Acting Deputy Police Commissioner Deodath Dulalchan gave a glimpse of his considerable talent and potential for greatness yesterday as he told a Joint Select Committee on National Security that “public trust” is key to combatting crime.

Mr Live Wire understands that Dulalchan, who was allegedly found guilty of misbehaviour by the Police Complaints Authority (PCA) following a land grab in Felicity, Chaguanas—the grab involved the use of equipment from the Chaguanas Borough Corporation (CBC) where his wife works—delivered the statement without a hint of irony or even a pause to giggle.

It was breathtaking hypocrisy, even by parliamentary standards.

Photo: So if allyuh thought Stephen Williams could act, wait til allyuh see me!

At present, Dulalchan is being considered for the post of Commissioner of Police despite having applied for a lesser portfolio. But, with his dark comedic timing and ability to pretend that independent watchdog bodies are about as threatening as a La Diablesse, Live Wire thinks Police Service Commission chair Maria-Therese Gomes might have sold him short.

Dulalchan should be National Security Minister for life!

“I want to be frank here,” said Dulalchan—who might find multiple aliases convenient, particularly considering his second job as a farmer, “if we could deal with the little, simple things that some may consider trivial at the station level, we will nip things in the bud rather than allow [them] to mushroom into criminal conduct.”

Dulalchan was too modest to point to his introduction of a roti task force outside the Highway Roti Shop in Freeport as one successful example.

Opposition Senator Gerald Ramdeen claimed police were stationed outside the business place to chase away customers after the owner supposedly refused to give free roti to a senior Central lawman for his son’s wedding.

However, an unnamed senior Central lawman subsequently told the Trinidad Express that the strategic placement of the officers was an important crime-fighting initiative, which formed “part of the TTPS holistic policing strategy.”

Photo: Dr Maria-Therese Gomes (right) did not think Deodat Dulalchan’s poor standing with the PCA should disqualify him for the post of Police Commissioner.
But then she was sworn in by President Anthony Carmona!

“In addition to the discernible positive effect of the static patrols in saving lives,” stated the anonymous officer, “the strategic nature of the location also enables a tactical response to reports of criminal activities in the area east and west of the Freeport Overpass.”

Live Wire understands that Freeport is now statistically the safest town in Trinidad to get a dhalpurie.

If Wired868 did have a “what the f**k did he say” award—and we are not promising!—Dulalchan would have stiff competition this week, though.

Step up, Clarence Mendoza, first vice-president of the National Parent-Teachers Association (NPTA), with his take on the dangerous implications of the female dress code.

“Our female teachers, not all of them, dress inappropriately, and it is attracting our male students to now touch them inappropriately in the classroom,” Mendoza told the Trinidad Express. “It is creating problems. If we can get our teachers to dress appropriately, our students would be able to tend to their projects a little more attentively.”

Women who dress provocatively are causing themselves to be touched up? In 2018?!

Photo: Disgraced US physician Larry Nassar was sentenced to between 40 and 175 years in jail for abusing over 100 gymnasts. Wired868 cannot confirm that he asked to serve his time in a Trinidad classroom.
(Copyright NY Daily News)

Mr Live Wire is advising all party animals to keep a look out for an NPTA official behaving as though he is in a petting zoo in Carnival fetes. Please use necessary force in making a citizen’s arrest.

Different year, same buss-up-shot. Buckle up, Trinidad and Tobago!

More from Wired868
‘If thy right hand offendeth, pluck it out!’ Griffith in damage control after Express exposé

Commissioner of Police Gary Griffith responded promptly to allegations against his ‘right hand man’ and head of the Trinidad and Read more

Who’s after me?! Bin Laden’s granddaughter?! Griffith fires at media while Live Wire enjoys some banter

Commissioner of Police Gary Griffith channeled his inner Mike Pence today as he repeated calls for a range of sanctions Read more

Live Wire: Griffith defends ‘pissy pooch’ after lawmen mistakenly kick in door of elderly couple

Commissioner of Police Gary Griffith is again being called to answer for the zealous behaviour of his lawmen, after officers Read more

Satirically speaking: Super-Gary-gets-appointed-Live-Wire-gets-nauseous…

Someone somewhere at sometime once said: “That’s so crazy it just might work…” The phrase caught on. But the person Read more

The Grand Bizarre Shooting; Live Wire reviews worst shooting since Raheem Sterling against Man Utd

In what may go down as the Grand Bizarre Shooting, two fully armed policemen with personal scores to settle fired Read more

Sike!!! Rowley sacks Smith after “new information” in coldest icing since Benny Blanco from the Bronx

In one of the coldest hits since Benny Blanco (John Leguizamo) iced Carlito Brigante (Al Pacino) in Carlito’s Way, the Read more

Check Also

Dear Editor: Women’s groups should lead push to improve neonatal wards

“[…] Women are the ones most directly involved. They bear most of the physical and …


  1. When we reach Farmer Dulalchan , we really reach.

  2. The world is the stage and we are the Actors so that’s what going a lot of Acting congrats to who can act the best and the most

  3. I am confused Deputy to Acting Chief. Who is running what? May the best man go and we get a new groom..

  4. At pain of revealing too much, I had some female teachers that made me touch myself inappropriately. Good God 🙁

  5. What about the anonymous Central lawman who, upon hearing his son was charged for DUI, disbanded the DUI patrol because – clearly – it was not working efficiently at all.

  6. Who is this Frank and why does everyone want to be him ? Why can’t we make Frank, Commissioner ?

  7. May be the indian Will get the job Done !

  8. Men, do you feel insulted when you are cast as mindless, rape-crazy, beasts as if it is to be expected? If I were a man, I would feel very insulted by being categorized that way. Especially by another man who might be projecting their own dysphoria and looking for company to excuse their behavior and mentality.

  9. How come men on nudist and topless beaches aren’t just going rape-crazy with all those boobies swinging and poonanies skinning? Oh right…sexual assault is not a default male behavior in response to finding a woman attractive. Men are capable of being empathetic and acting with regard to a woman’s autonomy and rights.

  10. I want to be frank too. It really is an irony-free zone. Would be even more funny if the crime levels were not so sky-high. These bodies really seem useless.

    • The really tragic thing is that neither political party seems keen to do a root and branch reform of the police service which is arguably at the heart of any actionable plan, Lasana Liburd. I wonder why. That was me being frank again.

    • Our system of governance needs root and branch reform too!
      As for the politicians, the police don’t arrest or shoot them. Politicians even get tipped off when police find green leafy substances in their property. Or police can’t see too good when politicians are in videos with illegal substances…
      All in all, politicians and police get along just fine. And if it ent broke (for them) then…

    • Lasana Liburd Preach. You wanna be frank too, mi seh.

    • Safer to be Frank than Vicki! 😉

    • Thing with TT is, I wish we could give the African/Indian thing a rest for the sake of the country and start talking class, specifically the extremely poor segment of society which cuts across racial lines and which is at the receiving end of all the mistakes happening at the top. And yes of course, the people in the lower middle classes, those who don’t have ready cash but are living month by month who are also er screwed by the incompetence. The one percenters have bolt-holes, second homes abroad where they can get away to away from mayhem it things get even more, er, unruly. So they are sitting pretty. The MPs of both parties seem to be unwilling to tell their leaders when the time is up and time to try new people, new strategies etc. Itall comes across as going through the motions.

    • Race is a great distraction from the real issues when you think about it. Once someone sees one side as inherently evil and the other as inherently good, it is impossible to have a reasonable discussion with that person.

    • Walter Rodney tried to do this in Guyana, and got killed for it. Tried to tell poor Afro and Indo Guyanese that they had more in common with each other than the rich and powerful people of their own race. But the two main parties didn’t like this. Because divide and rule is the ultimate distractor. This is not to say that we cannot talk about historic injustices. But the conversation cannot endlessly get stuck like top in mud while the country goes down ever further, and then lord knows what else. But again with the two parties, as in Guyana, this is their er bread and butter, their buss up shut and curry duck. the gift that keeps on giving for the politicians. Are there any of them that aren’t millionaires, that don’t have SUVs, that have relatives or even themselves waiting in a long cue at a hospital or in any government instution (licensing office etc?) Life is good when you can call out the other. In subtle ways of course. Walter must be turning in his grave.

  11. Love it Lasana. Dem really good yes:-) Clarence Mendoza and them living in a different universe yes. He’s one of those “blame the victim” proponents.

  12. Mr Live Wire,

    Yuh tink de police know dey cyah plant roti?

  13. hahaa ! Trinidad digs a deeper hole for itself.

  14. I was watching a documentary on dung beetles, happily rolling in sh*t all day, and it occurred to me that there is a big difference between those beetles and some of these ‘officials’ in Trinidad – none of those beetles ever ran for office. They ‘know’ their limitations!

    • Agreed…but only in part. You have to understand that the officials to whom you refer also know their limitations. But they know as well that that makes no difference at all in this fricking philistine country what seems to matter most is the texture of their hair and the colour of their skin!

      If in every “ëlection,” the electorate were composed entirely of beetles, we’d end up with a better “government” for sure.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.