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Italy bites the dust; Suarez makes a meal of Chiellini

It is irrefutable now. Uruguay and Liverpool striker Luis Suarez either needs a psychologist or a new dietician.

For the third time in his professional career, Suarez bit an opponent during a football match today as, en route to a 1-0 win for the South American nation, the gifted attacker sunk his teeth into the shoulder of Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini. Or, as the Uruguayan might put it, the KFC World Cup wing special was not bad at all.

Photo: Uruguay forward Luis Suarez (left) digests his snack of Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini. Presumably, he tasted like chicken. Dinner mints, anyone?  (Copyright AFP 2014/Javier Soriano)
Photo: Uruguay forward Luis Suarez (left) digests his snack of Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini.
Presumably, he tasted like chicken. Dinner mints, anyone?
(Copyright AFP 2014/Javier Soriano)

Thank heavens Uruguay was not playing Chile.

Brazil football teams tend to be particularly fond of that dish; and it is on their menu again after a 4-1 win for the “Samba Boys” against Cameroon yesterday. It means that Brazil, as Group A winners, will face Chile in the Round of 16 on Saturday.

Chile has only qualified for the World Cup finals twice before over the last four decades. On each occasion, the Chileans got to the second round; only to find Brazil waiting and licking its lips.

Gifted man-child Neymar, the present 2014 World Cup top scorer, will lead Brazil’s charge and he has been insatiable so far with four goals from three games to go with his array of flicks and tricks.

There was even a goal from Fred against Cameroon although Mr Live Wire would warn against reading too much into that. The Shaggy-look alike only scored against the most porous defence in the tournament; and, even then, he needed help from an inattentive referee’s assistant who did not spot that he was clearly offside.

Photo: Brazil forward Neymar (left) prepares to flick the ball around Cameroon midfielder Enoh Eyong.   (Copyright AFP 2014/Vanderlei Almeida)
Photo: Brazil forward Neymar (left) prepares to flick the ball around Cameroon midfielder Enoh Eyong.
(Copyright AFP 2014/Vanderlei Almeida)

Netherlands and Mexico are through too after wins over Chile and Croatia respectively and the former two nations will square off in knockout battle on Sunday evening; while Costa Rica was already into the Round of 16 too after two successive wins in Group D.

It meant that today’s main course was Uruguay versus Italy; essentially a scrumptious knock out contest between two former World Cup winners.

Suarez was chomping at the bit.

Pressure can do bizarre things to high-performance athletes. French star Zinedine Zidane lost his head in the 2006 World Cup final, Argentine legend Diego Maradona mistook a Brazilian’s testicles for the ball in the 1982 tournament and England attacker Wayne Rooney tried to give a Portugal defender a vasectomy in the 2006 competition.

And Suarez? Let’s say he likes a nibble when he gets excited.

In November 2010, Suarez got a seven-match ban for biting PSV Eindhoven midfielder Otman Bakkal; and, in April 2013, he received a 10-match suspension for making a meal of Chelsea and Serbia defender Branislav Ivanovic.

Photo: Seriously, when do we play Turkey?!
Photo: Seriously, when do we play Turkey?!

Almost certainly, Suarez will play no further part in the 2014 tournament after snacking on Chiellini late in the second half today. It will be a bizarre and a tragic farewell to the mad genius who rushed back from surgery to sink England with a brilliant double last week.

Suarez’s expulsion will probably be of little consolation to the Azzurri though, who was bitten and spat out of the World Cup today.

 

Today’s World Cup action

Group D

Uruguay 1 (Diego Godin 81), Italy 0

England 0, Costa Rica 0

 

Star of the Day

Uruguay defender Diego Godin settled a drab affair by diverting the winning goal past Italy goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon from a corner kick.

 

Villain of the Day

Uruguay attacker Luis Suarez was suspended for the 2010 World Cup semifinal after handling a shot from Ghana forward Asamoah Gyan on the goalline. But at least that infringement made tactical sense.

How can he explain mistaking Giorgio Chiellini for a Panini today? Bad, Suarez! Down boy! No biscuit!

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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68 comments

  1. Yuh think Suarez bad?, check out Pepe, he is a wild animal

  2. Maybe he is a vampire. I am going to watch when he has to play Turkey.

  3. The problem with Suárez is he needs to eat before games Lol

  4. The problem with Suarez is that he, as any addict, has to first accept that he needs professional help before it can be controlled.
    As to a soft sanction. This is his third recorded bite ( there’s probably much more undocumented) . There has to be a heavy penalty with a warning that bite no.4, will lead to a lifetime ban. In other words FIFA has to show that they “eh biting nice”.

  5. He should be disqualified for life!

  6. He has complained to FIFA for ordering a tough piece of steak. In a statement Suarez, says how can you expect us to give our best when they serve us tough, bony meat like that. He fumed.

  7. Maradonna gave Branco a bottle of tranquilizers to drink.
    Neymar puts his hand across your neck when he gets embarrassed and pulls you down from behind.
    Messi has kicked out on players after receiving some roughing up.
    Holyfield clearly head butt Tyson and got his ear taken off. Muhammad Ali and Materrazzi trash talked.
    Suarez tackled Pirlo badly, got a slap in the face and reacted by a mini head butt/ bite (Butt-bite) on the other player.
    It is no doubt that Suarez plays hard and resorts to using extra means to throw opponents off their game just as Maradonna, Holyfield, Matterazzi and company.
    What baffles me though is the types of flops that take place in the World Cup for example Ariel Ortega head butt Van der Sar, Zidane head butt on Materrazzi to ensure players are sent off.
    Do players have to flop when there is clearly no injury to their legs for the referees to take necessary action which is either red or stay on the pitch?
    Suarez knows that he cannot bite a Keane or a De Jong or else he would die so the intent is definitely there. I would like to see it practiced in this country where a yellow card would go together with sending a player a couple of minutes on the bench in isolation to cool off as in ice hockey. This will in fact get take the edge off their own team instead. We should spearhead this effort in the game.
    Furthermore, Prince walked off the pitch for monkey and banana chants. Suarez is also known for racism. When players stay on the pitch to tolerate that kind of behaviour, they actually condone it.
    If Italy walked off the pitch, they would have still been in the tournament. This would send a clear message to impressionable kids (and adults) that biting is not part of the game.

  8. (Kindly add brother Earl Mango to the list for therapy)

  9. Sim it isn’t only the vampire that needs therapy nah, Messi also need therapy to yes because he cannot and will never win any World Cup.Messi the so called football God really good yes. VIVA Brazil.

  10. They both need therapy. lol

  11. Sim Simmer I agree. This is deep. He thinks what he did is ok. Also his coach thinks it’s fine. Maybe that’s what they do over there. Coach said football is about winning not morality!

  12. Jason Moyo Sylvester I think he should be out of a few matches or out of this tournament but I don’t see that as a career-ending offense.

  13. Luis is 27 now, most appropriate punishment if FIFA want to hit him hard would be to ban him for the rest of this world cup plus all qualifiers and 4 matches of the next world cup, effectively ending his international career. Also UEFA and EPL would probably impose a fine and also ban him for a few matches with each.

  14. Lasana , how possible is it that the punishment he gets extends into club play?