Beckham conquers Paris and ego-checks Zlatan

There is nothing footballers enjoy more, say those in the know, than exposing their most private detail to teammates.

“Show me yours and I will show you mine…”

We’re talking about payslips, of course.

England football icon and new Paris Saint Germain midfielder David Beckham has lifted the bar on such one-upship with typically understated class.

“Bon Jovi to you tu. How much did you say you made, Zlatan? Awww… Haha. Very cute.”

“Me? Zlatan, they tried to pay me and I wouldn’t hear of it. I said don’t insult me, Mon Sir.”

“We. I mean wee wee. Cesc true. I think they will use my salary instead to feed, clothe and shelter a couple hundred enfants.”

And that’s how you conquer Paris and show Zlatan Ibrahimovic who is boss before even lacing up your boots. N’est pas?

Next challenge for Goldenballs? The French language.