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Chapter 8: It was an onslaught of information…
Reading about breast cancer survivors and their stories quickly shifts from spectator to participant when you yourself have been diagnosed. At that time, I recalled social media stories and went in search of those, just so I’d have a ‘friend’ to share the experience.
As luck would have it, while undergoing treatment with the second drug, Taxol, I met someone in my age bracket who was also undergoing treatment.
We were able to share in real-time, and that helped considerably. We would chat about side effects, mental struggles, medication and treatment in general, but most of all, we were able to support each other.
I was eager to get to the end of this treatment journey, and the planner in me wanted to know what to expect. I was mindful of the ‘everyone is different’ clause, but I was most hopeful about my hair regrowing.
I recall one article mentioning that with Taxol, you lose your eyelashes and eyebrows but the hair on your head starts regrowing.
The planner in me latched on to this information, so I ordered eyebrow stencils. I had my eyebrows micro-bladed in 2023, so I figured I would be okay regardless. I just wanted my head of curls back!
Friends sent me posts on local and international BC fighters and survivors, and these also helped. However, sometimes, it was a challenge to read because not all the information was positive.
When you’re fighting your mental ‘demons’ daily, you have to be strong enough to read through negativity and stay positive. Not every day was a good one.
I recall following an Instagram personality—my age, Black, with a small child, but based in the UK. She was at the stage where her hair had just started re-growing, so I took note of how she styled and cared for it.
One of her posts, however, was negative in terms of her experience with Taxol. Having just started that drug, I could not internalise that information. For my sanity.
I desperately needed to believe that Taxol would be 1,000 times better than AC, in all respects. Maybe I was lying to myself, but maybe that is what I needed to make it through 12 sessions. The thing is, we all cope in different ways.
‘Dr Google’ was another thing: researching each drug, each over-the-counter drug, each herbal supplement, each vitamin—side effects and benefits—then weighing the pros and cons.
Filtering the sources and trying to stick to medical sites and journals, because not every cancer support site is created equally. Listening to the ‘old people’s medicine, drinking paw paw leaf tea, and making soursop juice. Looking at how herbs and medicine interact, and being mindful of that.
It was a lot. It is a lot for anyone, but for someone battling mentally and physically on a daily basis and needing to sometimes take it one hour at a time—it was so much more.
The thing is, people mean well; they read something or hear of something that may work, and they want to share it to help.
Since they are not in the situation, you have to understand where they are coming from. They don’t know how overwhelming it can be at times. In the situation, you have to filter, filter and filter some more.
The oncology nurses did their very best to explain things at each session and remained available post-treatment in the event of any concerns. This also provided some comfort, as your mind can manifest things that you read or expect to experience.
Most days, I just focused on getting through the day and trying to stay positive.
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