Home / Live Wire / Hold yuh Bret! Bourdain, Faris, Popcorn chicken… the satirical calm after the storm

Hold yuh Bret! Bourdain, Faris, Popcorn chicken… the satirical calm after the storm

Even in the dim light from the overcast skies and heavy rain, the night walkers were clearly visible. With confused looks on their faces, they wandered across the country from one closed business place to the next—with increasingly unsteady strides—in search of flesh from the recently dead.

Thankfully, KFC promised to be open by 10am today.

Oh yeah. There was a Tropical Storm warning too, although it’s not sure which incident brought more disruption to the lives of everyday Trinbagonians.

Photo: Show me some love?

The Met Office suggested yesterday that winds could reach speeds of 64kmh but, by this morning, reports indicated a mere 34kmh and steady but hardly torrential rainfall.

We called it “Tropical Storm Bret” and treated it like the apocalypse. But Mr Live Wire thinks if you put yesterday’s weather report in a travel guide from November to March, Brits would be queuing up for plane tickets to Piarco.

As of this morning the ODPM reported 27 houses in need of a new roof, 14 fallen trees, 11 flash flooding incidents, two damaged utility poles, two blocked roadways and three cases of persons marooned at home—two in Penal/Debe and one in Siparia.

Live Wire was unreliably informed that the Siparia resident told authorities: “Weather for leather… Tell Kristyan ah home!”

So catch yuh Bret, Trinidad and Tobago. Allyuh safe.

Storm my foot. That was the biggest case of overselling the damn thing since President Carmona claimed to be a superhero whose powers were pre-action protocol letters, distraction and donkey logic.

Photo: Ah don’t want to brag; but if you think Jesus’ wine-making business was famous…
(Copyright AFP 2016/Gabriel Bouys)

At one point, there looked some good might come from the weather scare yet as the country collectively opted for some introspection as to why God hath forsaken the land of bacchanal. Sadly, the main reason people came up with was the recent robbery of Father Clyde Harvey.

Ah mean Port of Spain General Hospital create an early check-out system where, instead of treating yuh, they letting you pick your own funeral spot on the lawn; a policewoman in south shooting people for a $500 parking ticket (Wired868 understands she was since offered a managerial position on Colm’s tax collection team), Faris Al-Rawi’s children using army equipment to play laser tag; and Chinese takeaway coming with about 30 bullets…

And allyuh really think some wild young boys robbing a Catholic priest before taking an offering—arguably a voluntary one by Impsbert’s logic—is the craziest thing to happen in these parts in recent memory?

As Anthony Bourdain put it, this is a land of plenty commess but little comprehension. That man is not a chef nah. He’s a damned sociologist.

Clearly, it is not only our High Court judges who have the logical grasp of standard five students. This is bat and ball country!

Photo: A satirical look at education.
(Copyright Glasbergen.com)

And, speaking about bat, what do you make of reports that while churches shut their doors last night, there was swinging business to be had at the Copa Cabana and other x-rated petting zoos?

Trinbagonians might not care much for priests, pundits, pastors, politicians or police. But there is another ‘P’ word that we believe in like it was the rock of ages.

And Live Wire ent talking about popcorn chicken.

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

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23 comments

  1. The real disaster for many Trinis was that there was no BREAD to be had anywhere!!NO BREAD!!!No thought given to making pot or coconut bakes or even baking their own bread even in a crisis!!!there are stories that grocery carts were packed with CRIX.How sustainable is CRIX??? This is where they have reached.

  2. and those who pass of everything -as god is a trine-will still be saying that after the whole country is a disaster, like now,

  3. I think there was substantial damage done, however most of the flooding was not caused directly by “Bret” most of the damage was man made, this could be gleaned by looking at pictures of the river banks, and debris from the rivers. Lack of proper drainage. Hope these issues could be addressed soon after the clean up, I also hope those who lost their roof, and appliances are compensated in a timely manner.

  4. South Trinidad, and some parts of Central experienced quite a storm, with a lot of devastation which is not being appropriately highlighted.

    The ODPM and the Regional corporations have not responded well to the disaster there. One can only guess why…

  5. yup, the Fr. Harvey idea is almost as ridiculous as this meme – but at least this is a little funny

  6. Actually there are definitely more people marooned at home than reported. Did ODPN mention Caparo?

  7. Tell this to the people in Barrackpore and other flooded out areas. I could also tell you we had some wind here that was more than 37km . Sorry Lasana. I don’t see any humour in this one as i had two petrified grown children one in Claxton Bay the other in Bayshore. You laugh when you are sitting in Tobago and you see two lamp posts on fire right outside your child’s home on whatsaap video and the other saying in a scared voice ” Mommy wind and rain real pelting bad down here, gallon a drop and studying how to evacuate his Wife and child. We should be saying thank God it wasn’t as bad as it was instead of making light of what could have been a far more serious situation.

  8. no more bad breadth as one wag said

  9. Lasana…this piece read like one of those graphics that show all of a batsman’s strokes in cricket! (What’s that thing called?) You bat all around the grounds and in the air!!! The “leather” ball went out ah de oval! Take a bow…Man of de match! LOL

  10. Hahahaha needed that chuckle.

  11. Ha Ha…. brilliant.. .. “petting zoo “…. nice read …thanks

  12. Tell Krystian ah home!!! Priceless laughs

  13. Yup. Bret really ease we up! Saw on the news people were liming on the Avenue. Just like back in 1993 when we were Bracing for the Brett that never came. Fellas were liming on Frederick Street shouting to the TV reporter “We rougher dan de storm…allyuh seeing any storm here??”. This time though with social media what it is people took the planning much more seriously for the most part.