Home / Live Wire / Faris’ gun-toting kids, Alleyne’s pity party, Cazabon’s living dangerously and return of Two Pull

Faris’ gun-toting kids, Alleyne’s pity party, Cazabon’s living dangerously and return of Two Pull

Okay, who forgot to flush on 7 September 2015?

There were collective gasps across Trinidad and Tobago yesterday evening as former Sport Minister Anil Roberts returned to a political platform and was promptly anointed as a Senator-in-waiting by Opposition Leader Kamla Persad-Bissessar.

Not so much a returning prodigal son as that hardy cockroach you were sure you crushed last night, only to see him swaggering and thrash-talking the next morning:

Photo: Former Sport Minister Anil Roberts reserved his upper tier elite funding for the likes of murder accused Rajaee Ali.
Photo: Former Sport Minister Anil Roberts reserved his upper tier elite funding for the likes of murder accused Rajaee Ali.

“I’m the man up in this piece… I run shit around here. You just live here. Yeah, that’s right, you better walk away… King Kong ain’t got shit on me!”

Seriously Tanty Kams, are you so happy as Opposition Leader that you want to ensure you never become Prime Minister again? Or are you just a hoarder?

Do you owe Two Pull one for keeping your house stocked with “green leaf-like substances?” Has the “United National Congress”, without the courtesy of a public announcement, changed its name to the “United Basket of Deplorables?”

All Mr Live Wire is saying is that if the choice was a weekend at Remand Yard or a retreat with the likes of Wayne Sturge, Gerald Ramdeen, Roodal Moonilal and Two Pull… Tell Rajaee Ali to save me a seat for breakfast oui!

Anil’s surprise return coincided with High Court Judge Justice Mira Dean-Armorer’s ruling, earlier yesterday, that the LifeSport audit was procedurally flawed and invalid since former Ministry of Sport PS Ashwin Creed and other claimants did not get a chance to participate, which—although it did not mean the widespread fraud and funnelling of millions into the underworld was a figment of our imagination—was a violation of natural justice.

Or, as Anil summed it up: “Two thousand, three hundred little black boys were shut out of the LifeSport because the PNM lie.”

Photo: Self-titled Muslim radical and Jamaat-al-Muslimeen member Rajaee Ali, a beneficiary of State funding under LifeSport, was held several times by the anti-gang legislation and was charged for the murder of Dana Seetahal.
Photo: Self-titled Muslim radical and Jamaat-al-Muslimeen member Rajaee Ali, a beneficiary of State funding under LifeSport, was held several times by the anti-gang legislation and was charged for the murder of Dana Seetahal.

Ahh, the People’s Partnership government screwed up—inadvertently or otherwise—an investigation into a People’s Partnership program run by a People’s Partnership minister; and it is the PNM’s fault. Makes sense, if you don’t think about it.

But then you wouldn’t expect watertight logic from a man who cannot make himself out in a video, despite having a head the size of a basketball.

Incidentally, Anil’s wife was not spotted at his side. Mr Live Wire was unreliably informed that DJ Lurbz declined comment on her whereabouts. And Rajaee Ali declined comment on Lurbz’s whereabouts and his own relationship with BFF, Anil.

Family values have been a recurring theme in recent weeks.

Attorney general Faris Al-Rawi apparently cannot recognise his own children in a photograph, which might have sparked an interesting chat on the dinner table that night.

“No children, you see a wise man once said that politics has a morality of its own. I’m still your father and I love you both very much. Just not when it can cause me trouble on the job…

“Ahhm, darlings, can you stop pointing those automatic assault weapons at me please? Daddy’s really sorry.”

Photo: PNM Attorney General Faris Al-Rawi. (Copyright Elections.TT)
Photo: PNM Attorney General Faris Al-Rawi.
(Copyright Elections.TT)

Yes, while most Trinidad and Tobago teenagers are learning how to clean the yard, make a decent potato salad and turn down marriage proposals from religion-backed perverts, the mini-Al-Rawis were learning how to fight would-be assassins.

Defence Force public relations officer, Major Al Alexander, explained how weapons ended up in the hands of two children—in contravention of the Children’s Act of 2012, which states “A person who gives, sells, lends or rents a firearm or ammunition to a child commits an offence and is liable on summary conviction to a fine of fifty thousand dollars and to imprisonment for ten years.”

“In our perspective, these are weapons that in emergencies would have to be used,” Alexander told the Trinidad Guardian. “We don’t want children being shell shocked and freezing when they need to move. It was really to remove the fear and apprehension. We allowed them to hold [the weapons].”

In other words, if armed killers were able to wipe out Al-Rawi’s security team of trained soldiers, well then a teenaged boy and girl would just have to get the job done. Obviously.

Mr Live Wire sent Alexander’s suggestion to Hollywood, as a follow-up to the over-the-top action thriller “London Has Fallen.” The film industry promised to respond after they were done laughing.

There was nothing to laugh about in central Trinidad though, as the court executed on the property of pseudo-crime fighter Ian Alleyne, after he failed to pay a TT$748,000 debt to businessman Shaun Sammy for defamation.

Photo: They tell me that it is alleged that I didn't pay Shaun Sammy... And then they wet mih!
Photo: They tell me that it is alleged that I didn’t pay Shaun Sammy… And then they wet mih!

A tearful Alleyne taped the aftermath of Hurricane Sammy.

“My suits are on the ground. All my son’s stuff [is gone], they took his television, his games. His snacks and cereal on the ground. They surround the house like I was a big time bandit.”

As Alleyne said, he is not a criminal. He is just a nice guy who defamed the reputation of a Trinidad and Tobago citizen to tens of thousands of his peers and then treated a court order as if it was spam.

“If we have to raise the $748,000, we will raise it,” said Alleyne. “There are people who will support me, people will give.”

For chutzpah, Alleyne insisting that people will pay his private debt for his own incompetence surely ranks right up there with Donald Trump’s assertion that he didn’t pay taxes for a decade because he was “smart.”

Haiti, I’m sorry but we are going to have suspend fundraising for you. Ian needs a hand getting his son a new big screen television.

Speaking of being tone-deaf, renowned mas man, Brian MacFarlane, set tongues wagging when he unveiled his 2017 band entitled “Cazabon: The Art of Living” at the Queen’s Royal College school.

It depicted that colonial era when blacks, who were just released from the chains of slavery, were ostracised from western society, had no voting rights and often had little education, lived in ghettoes and could be killed for not getting out the way of a white person quickly enough. Or, as MacFarlane might describe it, the “good old days.”

Photo: Call me "Toby" if you want. No scene. A snap from Brian MacFarlane's La Belle Dame and Garcon de la Maison section.
Photo: Call me “Toby” if you want. No scene.
A snap from Brian MacFarlane’s La Belle Dame and Garcon de la Maison section.

“The reason I ended up going with that name is that I set the whole feeling and design of the band in that era late 1800s, early1900s,” said MacFarlane, at his band launch. “In the time of Cazabon, it was really the most beautiful time.”

And beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder.

Images from the band—which included a well dressed caucasian woman accompanied by a bareback black man in three-quarter pants and suspenders under the heading “La Belle Dame and Garçon de la Maison” or the beautiful woman and boy of the house—sparked fierce debate.

Critics called it a glorification of a racist age. Apologists said it was just a lesson in history—presumably, if historical accuracy and not social sensitivity is all that matters, they would have no problem with a presentation depicting a middle aged Indian woman held captive by young African men entitled “Naipaul-Coolman and her minders.”

Mr Live Wire cannot confirm that Trump said: “That MacFarlane fellah is making Trinidad and Tobago great again.”

And Dwight Yorke said: “How do I sign up?!”

About Mr. Live Wire

Mr. Live Wire
Mr. Live Wire is an avid news reader who translates media reports for persons who can handle the truth. And satire. Unlike Jack Nicholson, he rarely yells.

Check Also

Franchesca-Ramsey-eh-woman-confused-ftr

Live Wire chronicles: How to NOT look for your own death while being a woman in T&T

Warning: As you read this satire, dozens—maybe hundreds—of abusers and killers of women are walking …

131 comments

  1. All these PNM corrupted things going on but they only talking bout life sport which the court dismiss !! Steups !! They trying to cover up their ills but we will keep them alive !!

  2. That’s politics on Trinidad. And some are called Honourable. Shameless bitches!.The leader of the Opp. Is the worst.

  3. Any of you have anything about the millions Malcolm jones put away in a safe place or how much party financiers are going to be paid through the private public partnerships when the money laundering start back through construction Of more housing projects and highways to Tobago etc.? Let me hear from you.

  4. Craziness I tell you. Craziness

  5. Reading your comment in the voice of the french policeman from “Allo Allo!” Hilarious!

  6. I enjoyed reading this article.

  7. The Circus goes on! Entertainment on the airwaves. Nothing else to talk about…Instead of focusing on strategic directions as a way forward in these times…

  8. Is that the two pull man,i not seeing right mr Anil Roberts,where he come out wattttttttttttttttttttttţ

  9. And don’t forget the drunk Point Fortin Mayor.. And the gun toting POS mayor…

  10. Fitzroy..apparently you didn’t get the memo..Arnold Piggot..was on a drunk driving charge in Canda.. Came home..was made Min of Agri..and now chairs the EFLC board…Hafeez Ali exposed himself ..for all the world to see..Camille abuse a credit card..and is sitting in Parliament..Marlene built an invisible community centre..Nicole Oliveri..solicited thousand of dollars..for her sisters company..using state letterheads.. ETC..and you want to play Harper Valley hypocrite..with Anil…

    • No end to unrighteous politicking if we keep going round and round like a merry go round. The point is this CRAP has to stop, some bodies have to be jailed. Condoning wrong is NOT helping. Wrong is wrong and can NEVER be right. Stop it for the children’s future/sake. I am so upset reading nonsense.

    • And how does that concern me…I repeat..all the harper valley hypocrites..want to point virgin,fingers… When 6 rotten ones pointing back. ..
      I didn’t hear..wrong is wrong..and can never be right..and let’s do this for the children future…when the PNM..was transgressing ..
      All the lies.and nastiness.that .you all defended..didn’t care ..how it was hurting ppl…now you want to get on your hind legs..babble like a pagan…about right and wrong..
      If reading THE FACTS..upsetting you.. Don’t read it…the facts always offends

    • They does see things conveniently!

  11. Look at those eyes, something is seriously wrong there. J E S U S. Help this nation. We need the Saviour.

  12. Lol, d 2p master is back hahahaha!

  13. Look at his eyes he need a fix real bad

  14. Wait ,wait you remove him as Minister and MP for principles and morality , not crimes, you take him back now because you accepting what he did then ?
    So we keep telling the younger ones in order to be a leader you have to have some serious questions about your principles and morality.

  15. He is so stupid and arrogant and annoying it’s not funny… He actually thinks he has been cleared of any kind of wrong doing… It was the then PM Who deliberately faltered on following the correct protocol and it resulted in that judgement… He has the audacity to actually talk??? Dog really throw him down and lick out all his shame… As for Kamla, she just proved how inept she was as a lawyer and PM….

  16. The Law in T+T is only for the poor black people. A high profile Muslim with connection to Anil locked up for murder and conspiracy to murder someone else, with links to Anil and he talking out and playing brave. If you lock up someone for taking a job to kill a man, what about the man who paid him? Let me hear your answer on Beyond the Tape.

  17. Those who choose not learn from the past are condemned to repeat it.

  18. Lasana this is why I have to read these articles when I by myself sitting down. The first line had me cackling like a crazy woman! And i was eating a pommcythere! So much happened in the last week is real material for comedy. Late o’clock news on de ball too!

  19. At least no one can call this country boring