Disjointed! PM’s memory loss attributed to marijuana

Twenty-two-year-old Shemika Charles, the Guinness World Record limbo holder, set a new mark earlier this week by limboing under a SUV in the United States. She barely had a week to enjoy her accomplishment.

Yesterday, Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar, Leader of Government Business Roodal Moonilal, former National Security Minister Gary Griffith and at least four high ranking police officers, including acting Police Commissioner Stephen Williams, stooped so low that even ex-FIFA vice president Jack Warner was left on higher moral ground.

It is hard to know which is worse. The sheer dishonesty of the People’s Partnership Government, its incompetence, or its callousness.

“You never know how strong you are,” Persad-Bissessar told UNC supporters at the Rienzi Complex on Monday night, “until being strong is your only choice.”

Mr Live Wire could only think of two reasons one might respond to allegations of marijuana use by quoting Bob Marley.

One: Your elevator does not only fail to climb to the top floors so much as it is permanently grounded;

Two: You care so little for anyone else’s intelligence that you spend your afternoon thinking of new coded ways to tell them how to f**k themselves.

Or three: You’re too old to pull off a Snoop Dogg reference.

It is not so much whether marijuana was found on the Prime Minister’s window sill or under her pillow. And God knows that even Mother Theresa might need a smoke if she had to listen to Suruj Rambachan every week.

It is not just that her former advisor, Gary Griffith, is so dishonest he has to ask Warner’s permission to speak the truth or to help him recognise sincerity in the first place.

Or that her closest aide left in the Government, Moonilal, is so fluent in dishonesty it probably qualifies as his first language.

But it is that the Police Service is so shamelessly crooked, incompetent and allergic to truth and justice themselves, they might as well join the Partnership and be done with it.

The only issue then arise when Tanty Kamla hears a puppy whining during a Cabinet retreat; she wouldn’t know if to throw a shoe at Prakash Ramadhar or Stephen Williams.

So, let us try to look this farce dead in the eye.

Police found what they believed to be an illegal substance at the Prime Minister’s residence. By this, they meant marijuana; not that then Sport Minister Anil Roberts slept over—although Warner has promised to reveal more about Minister Two Pull’s relationship with the lady Prime Minister.

We know about this discovery because Griffith—the fellah who stayed safe and sound at Teteron Bay while the real soldiers quelled the 1990 insurrection and then told everyone how they should have done their jobs—cracked under cross examination.

And by cross examination, we meant that Warner simply asked him if he remembered the “thing” found at the Prime Minister’s house while recording the conversation.

Forget water boarding. You don’t even have to offer Gary a glass of water.

And that was the man who once held the country’s national security secrets.

Once the discovery was made, then deputy Commissioner of Police Mervyn Richardson visited Warner in Parliament to deliver the news.

Why Richardson and not Williams? The former lawman might have been friendlier with Warner. Richardson was head of the Financial Intelligence Bureau (FIB) after all; and Warner was presumably seeing more flags from the banking sector than Renegade panmen see in about ten Panoramas.

As Warner spilled the beans to Trinidad Express reporter Denyse Renne, Williams reacted by asking Deputy Commissioner of Police Gary Gould to probe his own cover-up.

Gould reported back that he was clean.

But, as Warner prepared to reveal Griffith’s uncensored opinion about Tanty Kamla’s love of five day weekends and the chalice at her Philippine palace, everyone suddenly recovered from their marijuana-induced short term memory loss.

Gould remembered the illicit discovery; and Acting Police Commissioner Williams, who is as bad an actor as he is a policeman, responded by requesting a police probe into the police probe of the police cover-up.

Naturally, it will be done by the Trinidad police.

And Persad-Bissessar remembered she was indeed out of the country at the time stated and that the joint could have belonged to any one of the dozens of mens who control her compound. It sounded like something you ought to hear in Taxi Cab Diaries rather than from the Office of the Prime Minister.

And Mr Live Wire, who discovered himself smack in the middle of a country with no functioning government, police, financial intelligence or integrity commission, went outside to look for a fig leaf to put on one time. When in Rome…

As for poor Shemika Charles, who thought she had a special talent in stooping low? Best she learns to cook.

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