Cabinet FC prepares for Budget second leg

Filbert Street Monday 8 October 2012 View Point 1 Comment

Scene: Emergency meeting of Cabinet Football Club

Kamla: “My friends, we’re here today to discuss the alarming run of defeats that we have suffered over the last few months at the hands of the Opposition.”

Anil: “We’ve give the fans stuff to cheer about too, boss.”

Kamla: “Yes but that was only from expensive guests appearances like Machel, Shaq and Keshorn. We have to get success with our existing squad. We need to organise, focus and work as a team.”

Tim: “I find that we’re scoring too many own goals, Prime Minister; our supporters aren’t happy about that.”

Prakash: “And our attack is weak; we’re just not scoring at the moment.”

Kamla : “That’s all very true. I’m afraid the finger points straight at our coaches.”

Anand: “That’s not fair, Prime Minister. I’m a defensive coach; always have been. You knew that when you gave me the job. Apart from my first ever game, I’ve never scored a goal. Like the long line of coaches before me, I’m 100% in the defence business.”

Kamla: “Quite so, Anand. But isn’t that why we bought Herbert? Wasn’t it to be the offensive coach?”

Anil: “Well, Herbert certainly is offensive. Ha ha ha!”

Kamla: “Enough, Anil, this is serious business. We are now under threat of losing our place in the League. The Opposition claims that we tried to mislead the referee, Mr Gaspard, by fielding 12 players and that we put an extra player on the pitch because his agents, Ishsteve Player Management Ltd, wanted him to have a run out. Wasn’t blocking that overseas deal lined up for him enough?”

Anand: “That’s not my fault. Herbert brought on the extra player, not me. It’s all his fault. I think the agents are his friends and he was trying to be nice.”

Roodal: “But you’re the head coach, Anand. You’re supposed to oversee all coaching decisions.”

Anand: “As I said, I’m a defensive coach. I don’t usually keep track of what the offensive coach is doing except in a general kind of way. I leave the details to him. I wasn’t even on the bench when Herbert sent number 34 onto the pitch.”

Kamla: “You must have seen him warming up, Anand. Weren’t you consulted on the change that Herbert was proposing to make?”

Anand: “Well, I trusted Herbert to do the right thing; it’s all his fault.”

Kamla: “Well, I have decided to relieve Herbert of his responsibilities. He’s no longer offensive…”

Anil: “I beg to disagree. Ha ha ha!”

Kamla : “…From now on, Herbert will be left back.”

Jack: “Yeah, left right back in St Joseph where he came from.”

Kamla: “But, Anand, our supporters are still uneasy about you staying in your position. We have to get a good result this week in the second leg of the budget game.”

Bhoe: “Yes, boss lady, it’s a big one. We cannot afford any own goals this time.”

Kamla: “Our super ten-million-dollar man signing gave us a good start. The no VAT thing went down well. Even though that Keith fellah tried to spoil it.”

Anil: “That reminds me of a story called Patrick-come-back. It began when…”

Jack: “Oh gosh, hush up sometimes nah. Nobody has time to listen to your confusing stories. Stick to one-liners.”

Anil: “You just vex because when you talk for you too long you duh-duh-duh-does…”

Kamla: “That’s enough boys… Jack, you mark Keith this week then. And none of that tsunami talk, right? Okay. Let’s go. On three…”

Everyone chimes in: “One, two, three… Spending spree!”

Editor’s Note: This column is pure satire and all conversations are faked; no offence is meant at parties named although they probably deserve it